This Is Reality
by kittkatt123
Summary: When Edward came back, Bella was in more emotional pain than she was in NM. What happens when Edward finds scars on Bella’s wrists? What will the Cullens to do make sure Bella is alright? Will she be okay?Rated M for cutting. Dedicated to Vampirechick123
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hi, everyone. Did you miss me? I know I haven't written in a while, but I just wanted to take a little break, so that is what I did. **

**The chapter titles are gods, like the chapter title for this chapter is Ma'at which is the god of 123 thought of it, and you should check out her stories, they are pretty good. **

**This is my new story about cutting. I have had many friends who used to cut themselves, so trust me, I know what it can do. Just keep reading it and supporting me. That's all I got to say, I guess.**

**Wait! I have something else to say. Guess who does not own Twilight? Me! I bet you didn't guess right!**

One more, one more and everything was going to get better. That's what I used to tell myself. One more cut, and the pain will be better. If that was true, why am I sitting in the bathtub, running water over my arm? If that was true, why am I still cutting myself even though the love of my existence is back in my life?

The razor stung my skin as I cut along on of the cuts that were already in my arm. It hurt more if I slice one of the old cuts on my arm, and the pain was good. I dragged the blade over the half-healed cut, blood already running out of my skin, but diluted from the water.

I wrinkled my nose against the scent. Not the most pleasant smell, I got used to it though. After months of cutting open your arm, you have to get used to it. It's an automatic response. Today, I didn't cut as deep as I normally did. Thank goodness, because Edward was in my room. Though, he probably just thought I cut my self shaving or something like that.

A few minutes later, blood did not appear on my arm, instead the old cut looked brand new and was a bump, sticking out of my skin. Not the prettiest accessory, a bracelet would have been more elegant, but these cuts meant more. They meant being able to deal with things on my own, and not needing anyone's help.

I opened the curtain to reveal the rest of the bathroom. In the corner sat my long-sleeves, dark blue, cotton shirt, and a pair of blue and white plaid pajamas pants. I quickly got dressed, being careful not to disrupt my new cut that badly. I towel dried my hair and put it up in a messy bun. Alice would have been proud.

When I got to my room, Edward was laying across my bed, with his eyes closed and hands behind his head. He looked like he could be sleeping, but two seconds later he opened his eyes, and saw me standing in the doorway with a small smile on my face.

"Go say goodnight to Charlie, he think that you are sneaking out to find me. Let him see you in your pajamas."

I turned around and ran out the door. Charlie decided that Edward was only allowed over certain hours of the day, but he didn't know that he watched me sleep almost every night in the bedroom next to his.

"Goodnight Dad."

Charlie was sitting in the couch, watching the NBA play with the basketball across the court. When he looked up, he seemed surprised to see me in my pajamas and my hair wet. "You're going to sleep now, isn't it a little early? It's only 9:30."

"I have school in the morning, but if you want me to, I'll stay up and watch television with you for a little bit." I knew that he would say no.

"No, Bells, that's okay. Go to sleep. 'Night." He turned back to the television, obviously too focused on the NBA to pay me anymore attention.

When I made it back to my room, Edward was lying on my bed, this time with his arms opened wide, inviting me into them. Curled up, against his chest, my eyes slowly shut, but I didn't want to go to sleep. My lullaby, which he was humming, didn't help much either.

"Aren't you tired?" He asked after a while. His fingers softly stroked through my hair, and his other hand laid on my waist, gently pushing me into him. "You got up early this morning. You should be exhausted."

"I don't want to sleep." I lied. The truth was, my new cut was burning me. Searing me is more like it. Way more than normal. Maybe I should let that cut heal all the way before I cut into it again. I only like the pain when I am cutting and only the dullness of the sting afterwards. Not this much pain. Then I realized, Edward could easily put out the pain.

I extended my arm, and put my wrist right against his chest. Even through both of our clothes, the relief from the ice cold skin came almost immediately. This is just one great thing about having a vampire boyfriend.

"If you don't want to sleep, then what do you want to do?" Edward asked, after a few short moments of silence.

Oh great! Now I can't go to sleep next to my perfect Adonis boyfriend. Instead I have to do something with him, while I'm this tired. "I don't know, do you want to play cards or something?"

Cards didn't take much energy, and the only game that I would play right now was WAR. I mean, all you have to do if flip over the card, not much brainwork at all. And I might just win, because the game is pure luck.

"Cards sound fun. Do you have a deck in this room? Or should I sneak into another room?" Edward asked. I knew he always liked my useless panic whenever he risked exposing his overnight visits.

"No, I have a deck in the top drawer of my bureau. Why it's there? I have no idea."

Edward was going to get up and get it, but I stopped him, remembering what other items are in that drawer. Items I do not think I want him seeing. He shook my arm off of him, probably thinking I didn't want him to get it for another stupid reason. I breathed in sharply. Even though he was gentle, he didn't know how gentle to be. He, unknowingly, touched my new cut with just enough pressure to make it sear.

Edward's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he knew that he was being gentle. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll just go get th-"

It was too late. He was already there. I saw him freeze right where he was standing. Then, almost automatically, a 'what in the world' expression controlled his face. Edward, slowly, even for a human, reached into the drawer and took out five razor blades. I'm pretty sure that's all I have hidden there. He studied them carefully, both perfect eyebrows furrowed again. Slowly he raised his eyes to meet mine. "Bella, what in the world do you have a collection of razor blades in your drawers for?"

The panic set in. I could feel my pulse pick up. I knew that he was going to find out my secret. That was the only amount of time I could keep it from him? Two weeks?! "I have no idea. I guess they just accumulated there."

Wow, my voice was actually quite even.

Edward's eyes questioned my sanity. "And how do you just accumulate things like this?" he held up one of the blades by the sharp edge, I didn't cut him.

I chuckled nervously, "Doesn't anything ever accumulate in your underwear drawer?"

That God it was my underwear drawer! Edward finally looked around in the drawer and noticed all my private possessions in there. I swear, if he could blush, he would have. His eyes got wide and he stared on the drawer for more moments than if it was the drawer I kept my jeans in.

In a flash he was right back by my side, professionally shuffling the cards. He was better than anyone you would see in Vegas. "But seriously Bella, razor blades? It's just not like you."

I dramatically rolled my eyes at him. "Can we just begin playing?"

He smiled a little and in three point five seconds, he already dealt both of our cards. He already had his first card down, and my cards were in a neat little stack right in front of me.

Queen of spades against seven of diamonds, in his favor. It looks like I'm in for a long night.

A half hour later I was becoming determined. I just wanted to win this game, and I was winning; I had three of the aces, and we were in WAR. I was pretty sure that his last ace was in laid out in front of him in the three cards I _could_ win.

I flipped my card, hoping and praying for one of my aces to help me win. I opened my eyes. Six of hearts. Well, that just stinks!

He flipped over his card and it turned out to be Jack of diamonds. Damn. I lost that one. The only good part was that a beautiful smile crossed his face. "Bella, it's just a game, really. There is no need for all of this serious business."

"I just want to win." I pouted.

Edward gave me a small smile and flipped over my cards. The ace of spades! That beautiful ace! No! I can't let him have it! I made a grab for it with my right hand, and missed. He moved his hand out of the way, and held it behind his shoulder, like the handle of a baseball bat.

My hand landed on his shoulder, from not being able to move it anymore without getting out of my seat. Edward chuckled slightly and grabbed my hand, kissing it slightly. I gasped, the sleeve to my shirt had ridden up, and Edward had my hand in his. About six horizontal cuts were clearly visible, and then there was still diagonal and vertical.

I froze; I didn't know what else to do. What else could I do? I couldn't really wrestle with a vampire. Edward kissed my hand again, still totally oblivious to my little freak-out session over here. He kissed my hand again; I knew what he was doing. He was making his way to my wrist.

I did the only thing I could think of doing. "Edward, stop! Please!"

He looked at me questionably. Though, he still had my hand in his. "What am I doing wrong, love? I'm not hurting you, am I?" His eyes turned anxious, as he looked at my hand, then my wrist. "What the…"

He knows. My breathing started to get heavy as I started to hyperventilate. My voice came out as barely a whisper. "Edward…"

**A/N I hope you liked it. I'm not sure if I liked it myself. So you guys really, really, really, have to tell me if you liked it, and what you want to see happen, because I am not sure exactly where I am taking it, but I do have a few ideas. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up**


	2. Thoth

**A/N thank you to all the people who has already reviewed. I was surprised to see all of the review. I didn't expect so many. Thanks.**

_He looked at me questionably. Though, he still had my hand in his. "What am I doing wrong, love? I'm not hurting you, am I?" His eyes turned anxious, as he looked at my hand, then my wrist. "What the…"_

_He knows. My breathing started to get heavy as I started to hyperventilate. My voice came out as barely a whisper. "Edward…"_

**________________________________________________________________________**

Edward seemed frozen where he was. His jaw was clamped shut, muscles straining to press even harder. He also seemed to stop breathing. I knew that if I tried to slip my hand out of his grip, he would not let go. He was in severe mental distress. I'm not sure, but I think that he is trying to shut down completely and slowly gain control of himself, in an effort not to hurt me.

How could I be so careless to let him see the scars? I knew that I ever even let him have a peek at my scars, his reaction would be terrible, but I never actually thought about what he would do. It never even crossed my mind. I would rather have him yell at me for a thousand hours than have him wallow in the pain he was in now.

"Edward, please, just say something. Please say anything." I was basically begging him to pour out some of his anger. I could feel tears already forming; tears that I could not let fall. I deserved everything he threw at me.

Edward moved his head slightly side to side, as if to tell me that he had to remain quiet a little longer to keep control of himself. At least he heard me, which was a good thing. But if it was a good thing why did the knot in my stomach just get tighter.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I was really hyperventilating now. I couldn't help it, just too much to take in at once.

Edward turned slightly towards me, so that I could see his eyes. They were blank. No emotion was held in them at all. Did he totally shut down like I thought he did? Did I make him totally shut down? He cleared his throat. "Bella." He took deep breath, to calm himself, maybe. That wasn't the thing that worried me. The thing that worried me was that the breath was _extremely_ unsteady. "Why?"

He turned to look me straight in the eye. That second I could tell why they were expressionless. Because for one millisecond, he slipped. He let out all of the emotion that he was hiding from me. Pure torture could be seen in his eyes. Just from what he could see on my wrists. Of course he knew that his leaving had set this off.

"Edward , I don't know. I just don't know. It was there, and it seemed so _nice_." The hyperventilation had calmed down, but more sobbing had come and I felt lightheaded. What was really expected in this situation, really? A big smile and congratulations? I really don't think so.

We were both still sitting on the bed. I was crossed legged and he had his legs curled up next to him. One of my hands was covering my mouth while I still sobbed, and he still had the other one. His fingers traced over my newest scar, a little too hard, he still hadn't gain back all of his control yet.

"That's sick." Edward almost growled. "That's just really sick, you know, that's just … it's really just … I mean it's really… _sick_!" I don't think he was talking to me at the end. His voice very low and very deep.

I pulled my arm out of his grip. I didn't want my wrist to get hurt. Well, I didn't want him to hurt me; he had way more than enough to deal with right now. I remained perfectly quiet. It would be better not to say anything. Last time I said something he called me sick.

After a few silent moments, Edward's head snapped up at an inhumane speed. His face was dark. He looked like a real vampire. "Bella, you are going to stop this! _Do you hear me?! You are never going to do something this stupid again!"_

_He's going to take my razors away?!_ No, he can't do that, I need them. I mean, I know he would want me to stop. I think any mentally sound person would want me to stop. But who was to say that I couldn't sneak it? I've been sneaking it for the last two weeks. He wouldn't know that I had continued my way of relief if I hid it well enough.

"When I didn't respond, Edward glared right into the pupil of my eyes. "Bella, how long have you been doing this?"

I blinked a few times, and my eyes shifted around, refusing to focus on one thing. "I don't know, a few months, maybe?"

His face got harder. That was a bad answer, and he didn't like it at all. He was hurting enough, and I was just unintentionally pouring salt on his cuts. "Answer the question, Bella! Since when? January? December? Geez, Bella, _why_ in the _world_…?

Tears could be heard easily in my voice. "November, I think. Yeah, I think the first day was Thanksgiving. I was in Billy's bathroom. And … and ... I don't know why … I … I just thought … it felt… right. Edward, please … don't act like this."

Edward looked at me with an outraged perplexed expression. "You're telling me not to act like this! You are _actually_ telling me that my reaction is _wrong_ in this situation? Bella, I just found out that the love of my life has been mutilating herself, and you expect me to what? Be kind?"

Before I could respond, Edward covered my mouth with his hand. He was a little to forcefully, well, at least forcefully to him. "Don't talk."

I was confused. Why didn't he want me to talk? A second later I figured out why he needed me quiet, Charlie was coming up the stairs. I could hear each creek of the stairs, when he stepped. He didn't sound mad, so I don't think he knew that something was going on.

Thankfully, tonight, he didn't check up on me. When he walked pass my door, I could tell that his feet were dragging. He was tired and he wanted to go to sleep. Charlie probably forgot that I was a little hyper.

When his door shut closed, Edward did not give me time to explain myself. "Do you know what I should do, Bella? I should have you watched twenty four seven. I should have Alice shower you again. I should make sure that there is not a moment you spend alone, a moment that is left for you have t he opportunity to harm yourself."

Relief washed upon me. When he spoke, I could tell that he wasn't as mad as he was before. Edward's voice was softer, more sad than mad.

I looked down, ashamed. I'm not sure if I like him mad or sad more. "Edward, I don't even know what to say right now. I'm sorry; I know I could say that over and over again, but still it would make no difference."

Edward put his hand under my chin, and lifted it up. "Just answer one question for me, Bella. Would you please just answer one question for me truthfully?"

I nodded.

"Why would you do something like this, Bella?"

That question. The one question that I couldn't tell him the answer too. That was the one question that I had to keep with me and tell no one else. That was the one question that I had to answer truthfully. I owed him that.

I went back to the days that I first started to cut. "I don't know. The world was weighting in on me. It was like the only thing that I could control was the pain. I could actually take all of the emotional pain I was feeling and change it into physical pain. It was just to much to take in at once, and I had to do something about it."

Edward looked at me, eyes blocked from all emotion again. He didn't seem pleased with my explanation. "Lie down, Bella."

I didn't get the option. He physically picked me up and lied me under the blanket. "You must be tired. Just try and get some sleep. I need to talk to Carlisle anyways. I … I need to figure this out."

"You're going to talk to Carlisle! You're going to tell everyone? No, Edward, don't do that, please!" I couldn't have anyone know what I did.

"Sleep, Bella. If I'm not here when you wake up, I'm talking to Carlisle and maybe the rest of the family about you." He didn't even try to hide it. "I'll pick you up for school."

**A/N Okay. I'm not sure if you'll like this chapter. I just didn't know what to write. So I wrote what I think'll happen. Please review.**


	3. Sia

**A/N hey you guys. You know the routine. I do not own Twilight EVER!!**

_____________________________________________________________________________

"_You're going to talk to Carlisle! You're going to tell everyone? No, Edward, don't do that, please!" I couldn't have anyone know what I did._

"_Sleep, Bella. If I'm not here when you wake up, I'm talking to Carlisle and maybe the rest of the family about you." He didn't even try to hide it. "I'll pick you up for school."_ ________________________________________________________________________

**EPOV**

I ran in through the front door, relieved. Running always got my mind off of things, but running didn't help this time. My many track mind had decreased to a one track mind, and on that track was Bella. I swear, I had to intentionally dodge a tree.

"Carlisle"" I basically screamed out his name. I really didn't have the concentration to pick out his mind from the others. Though, four of the 'voices' came from the living room and two others came from upstairs in Alice's bedroom.

"I'm right here, Edward." I turned into the living room. Alerted by the strain in my voice, Carlisle was already standing. Esme was sitting on the couch- a dent from where Carlisle was previously sitting next to her- watching the news, something about a bank robbery. Emmett and Jasper were playing the hugest game of memory on the floor. Though, because we had the best memory, it was a fairly easy game.

"Where are Alice and Rosalie?" I asked Carlisle, I needed to check something with Alice before I talked to him.

I wasn't Carlisle who answered though. "We've been up in Alice's room, discussing Marc Jacob's summer line." Rosalie descended the stairs, Alice trailing right behind her. "Alice was looking to see which ones would look best on her small frame."

Alice stuck out her tongue at Rosalie. More than anything, she hated to be told that she looked like a child or that she had the body of a twelve year old. "I still do like that blue summer dress and matching jacket, though."

I turned to her. "Alice can I ask you to do something for me?" I didn't wait for a response. "Have you seen Bella do anything _destructive_ lately?"

Alice looked at me like I had three heads and six fingers on one hand. "Bella always has to do something destructive for her to be herself. You have to be more specific."

I turned to the rest of the family, sighing loudly with my lack of patience. "When we left I knew that Bella would have a hard time handling things, but I didn't think that it would last now that we are back." I took a deep breath. "Last night I saw scars on Bella." I fell backwards onto one of the loveseats. That's funny; I don't remember walking over here. My head found its way into my hands, and my elbows found my knees. I waited for someone to say something, to give a little advice.

What I didn't expect was Emmett's loud laughing. "Edward, you knew when you decided to leave, Bella would fall with no one to catch her. She's accident prone, you know that."

I whipped my head up and glared at him. It was not just him who did not get what I was talking about. The whole family was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"I don't understand why you feel _so_ terrible if Bella got a few bruises. You know that even when you are there, there will still be bruises." Of course Jasper knew that the information and the emotions didn't add up.

"It is _not_ a few bruises. There are blade cuts all the way up her left arm. Dozens of them, not to mention a few of them have been cut open again a few times."

I could tell from their minds none of them knew what to say. Even Emmett, who never took any of them seriously, had jumbled thoughts. What they were picturing in their heads was just disgusting. I had to look away and just wait for a response.

Rosalie gained reality first. "Oh! So miss 'I don't want to be human' wants to bleed? Isn't that what you want? She's human! And that's what humans do, they bleed!" Rosalie got up off of the couch at inhuman speed, and ran to her room.

I expected Emmett to follow her, like he usually did, like Rosalie was expecting, but he was glued to where he was sitting on the floor. His mind had a disbelieving tone, but other than that, I couldn't make out anything that he was thinking. His mind was usually very predictable and straightforward.

Esme let out a sob, her hand going to her heart. I didn't need to read her thoughts to know what she was thinking. My father sat right back down next to her, and put his arm right around her shoulders, bringing her to him. He was going through a list of therapists in his mind, many of them well known for the great work they did.

For once, Alice's mind was not stuck in the future, but in the present. It was stuck with gruesome images of blood flowing down an arm; Bella's arm. It was one of the only times that I ever saw Alice's mind with a fazed devastated air to it. I couldn't bear to look in her mind anymore, it was too much, and there was too much pain.

"Do you want me to…?" Jasper led off. Everyone knew what he was talking about. He wanted to know if I wanted him to calm me down, give me some peace.

"No I want to feel like this." I answered stubbornly. This had to be only a fraction of what Bella was feeling, so why can't I at least take that.

Everyone looked at me with a sad expression, not knowing what to say; not wanting to speak first, or in Emmett's case, not saying anything for fear that he was going to say something wrong when the mood in the room was so serious. He almost always said what was on his mind, no matter how serious the situation was, it was his way of easing some of the tension in the room. Though, this time he knew not to say anything wrong.

Finally, being the 'father' of the family, Carlisle thought it was his duty to say something. "Lately, she has been okay, emotionally, right? At least, when she has been around you?"

Bella had not come over here lately, she had been grounded, but we could go visit her though. "Yes, she is almost back to normal, she still has moments when she gets emotional, and she doesn't want me to leave her to hunt. Other than that though, she seems fine."

"So the cuts are old?" Emmett asked. "So she stopped cutting. What is the big deal than? It's not like she's still depressed, she got over it!"

"_That's the point, Emmett!_ She hasn't stopped!" I was pacing in front of my chair. "She's still cutting. Most of the cuts are new, or recut anyways. Do you know what she told me? _She told me she liked it!_ That's disgusting."

Esme had her face in Carlisle's shoulder, she wasn't sobbing anymore, but I knew that if she could, she would be crying silently. From Jasper's thoughts, I could tell that Alice was in mild shock, and Emmett was a little angry, at what? I have no idea; his thoughts were how Bella would actually do something like that_ "Sweet, sweet Bella." _

Carlisle spoke before I could register what his thoughts were. "And what are we going to do about it?"

A voice came from the bottom of the stairs; I didn't need to turn to know who it was. "What do you mean 'we'?" Rosalie snarled. I told you. She's stupid! She's human, that's what humans do. I'm not going to help that little –"

She didn't get a chance to finish her rant before she was on the floor. It must have been an impulse decision, or I was just not paying enough attention to her thoughts.

Alice was on top of Rosalie on the floor. Alice looked like a vampire trying desperately to get to pray that would not come easily. Right as she was about to force back her arm to punch Rosalie in the face, Jasper grabbed her from around the waist, and forced her behind him. He was a lot stronger and bigger than she was, but she did not give up.

Emmett was already holding Rosalie back. His stomach was to her back. She was on her feet ready to pay Alice back. Both of the girls were growling at each other and trying to get away from their husbands to inflict pain.

In the process Jasper's shirt was torn, and a couple of the floorboards under Rosalie's feet had cracked, so there was a little pothole in our floor. Of course, Emmett was left spotless; no one could hurt him if he didn't want you too.

"Take that back! SHE'S SICK ROSALIE. HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT FAMILY; ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND? NOT EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! JASPER LET ME GOO!!!!!"

"WHY THE FREAK DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT FREAK?? HAVEN'T YOU SEEN WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO THIS FAMILY? SHE MADE US MOVE OUT OF OUR HOME. SHE MADE US UPRISE SO MCUH SUSPICION! BUT ALL YOU GUYS DO IS TELL HER HOW GREAT SHE IS!"

Carlisle was standing between Rosalie and Jasper. His face looked calm, but with a irritated undertone. "Jasper, please."

I was keeping my mind centered on Jasper, waiting for him to calm down the room, but his mind was way too focused on keeping Alice from getting hurt. It didn't even cross his mind that he could stop the violence in a second.

Within a second, the whole room had become quiet. Esme, forgotten on the couch, flew to Carlisle's side and put an arm around his waist. She was mad, she hated us fighting, and it was like her family was being torn apart. "Rosalie and Alice, go to your room. There is to much going on right now. We don't need your childish behavior. Emmett and Jasper, would you please go with them. And tomorrow morning, you two girls are fixing this floor."

"I didn't even touch her." Rosalie defended herself, hoping to get out of doing some work. "She topped me over. I was only trying to fight back in self defense."

My mother gave her eldest daughter a hard stare. She barely ever used that stare. She must have been really upset. "You were the one who talked about Bella like she's dirt. Whether you like it or not, Bella's family, and we _are_ going to help her. Now, upstairs, all four of you, now." She pointed her finger to the stairs leading upstairs.

Emmett led Rosalie up the stairs. His thought told me that he wanted to stay down in the living room; he wanted to know how he could help Bella. He was already asking like the protective older brother. Alice turned to Esme. "I'm sorry, Mom. I was really mad, but I knew that I shouldn't have attacked Rose like that."

Esme gave Alice a small smile. It always melted her heart a little when we called her mom. Though, my mother's hand was still pointed to the stairs; she gave it a little shake. Jasper grabbed Alice's hand and in two seconds, they were in their room. Alice really was ashamed about the way she acted.

Carlisle and Esme turned their eyes to me, neither knowing what to say. Eventually, my father cleared his throat. "Would you like to talk to us in the living room?"

I nodded silently. I sat back into the loveseat I was previously occupying. I didn't want to be the first one to speak, but I could tell from Carlisle's mind that he was waiting for me to say something.

"I don't know what to do. I just want to hug her and tell her I love her and everything's going to be alright. At the same time I just want to scream and yell at her and tell her how idiotic she is for doing this. I want to tell that she can stop now that I'm back here to love and protect her. I want her to tell me everything about everything, just like she did before. I also want to start slicing my own arm open to punish myself."

Esme sat on the arm of the loveseat and put her arm around my shoulder. "We'll figure this out, Edward. We'll figure this out as a family. That is what family is for." She gave my shoulder a little squeeze. "Just promise me you won't do anything drastic. I can't stand it if my family has to go through anymore pain."

I nodded my head silently to signify that I won't do anything drastic. Bella needed me here. "Then what am I going to do about Bella?"

They were silent for a moment, deliberating. When Carlisle spoke up he sounded sure of himself. "We do what is supposed to be done with any addiction. We have to separate the two."

I drew my head up sharply. "And watch her intently for the rest of eternity. She's my fiancée-"

"Fiancée?" Esme asked confused, though a small smile shadowed her face, despite the circumstance.

"Well, no not yet, but I like to think of her that way." Now that just sounded like an obsessed boyfriend that would do anything to control his girlfriend. "So we all can't just watch Bella for the rest of eternity. She will just go right back to the razors if we let her out of our sight for one moment. And knowing Bella that could be very often."

"Okay, so we watch her, and try to make her see reason. She's a teenager; they change their minds all the time. It shouldn't be too hard." Esme's forehead wrinkled as she thought through her plan. "It'll be like the Cullen's version of a mental hospital."

"_She does not belong in a mental institution!"_ I shrugged her arm off of my shoulder. I lowered my voice. "She doesn't belong anywhere that I am not."

Carlisle sat on the edge of his chair, with the 'doctor' expression on. The one that goes 'I'm about to tell you something you might not want to hear, but it'll help in the long run'. "Edward, son, Bella is sick. She's not healthy right now. I've seen many people die from what she is doing. She needs help."

Did she? Did she need help that I could not give her? What kind of help could I give her? I just want for her to be happy, and I thought she was getting happy. I couldn't just lock her away in a nut house now that I finally got her back. No, but she needed to be happy again. I promised myself a long time ago that I was going to do everything in my power to make her happy.

I looked my father straight in the eye. "What do I do?"

Esme interrupted before Carlisle could speak. I didn't notice her arm was around my shoulder again, and her thought were on the poor girl sleeping in her room. "What do _we_ do? We are in this together."

Carlisle leaned his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. He rested his chin on his folded hands. After a few minutes of countless choices, he opened his mouth to give me the final decision. "I think that I should talk to Charlie. He is her father. And we go from there."

"I don't think Bella will be very happy with that." Bella needs to be happy. That's what I'm here for.

"I don't think Bella will be happy with whatever path we choose. So, why don't we choose the path that will help her the most?" He took a deep breath, and registered my obvious mood. "Edward, I've been a doctor for centuries, I know how these things work."

"In the end, will she be happy? Will she hate me?" I needed to know. I needed everything back to the way it was with just me and her. Like last summer. Everything was perfect last summer. It was just the two of us, not a care in the world.

Esme was the one to answer. "If she's happy, she won't hate you. And if she is the girl you fell in love with, I can't see you not making her happy."

I looked up to my father. "So you will talk to Charlie? As a doctor? Or as a boyfriend's father?"

He smiled a little. "Probably a little of both."

Esme gave my shoulders another squeeze then let them go. "Why don't you get changed and go back to her house. I know how much you hate to be away from her."

I gave my mother a hug and patted my father's shoulder. "Thank you."

In her mind Esme responded _That's what family's are for._

**A/N This is the longest chapter I have ever written. I hope you guys like it.**

**I want constructive criticism from you guys. I like to know how I can improve my work. Or what you guys want to see. Review.**


	4. Sekhmet

**A/N I do not own Twilight.**

_Esme gave my shoulders another squeeze then let them go. "Why don't you get changed and go back to her house. I know how much you hate to be away from her."_

_I gave my mother a hug and patted my father's shoulder. "Thank you."_

_In her mind Esme responded That's what family's are for._

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_I was at the celebration of some sort. It looked familiar, but the setting I could place at once. I was at Billy's house, in his tiny living room. There were people there, all of them I knew. I was sitting in the middle cushion of the couch with Charlie on one side of me, and Jacob Black on the other. Billy was on the other side of Charlie, his wheelchair pulled up to the side of the couch. There was also Emily and Sam there, but that was all._

_Previously, Jacob tried to talk to me, start up a conversation, but I unintentionally rejected it, only giving him one or two word answers. He gave up after much longer than I expected him to. Now he was talking to Sam and Emily. About what? I have no idea._

_The strange thing is Sam kept sending me these knowing glances, like he knew something I didn't, like he knew all of my secrets. He gave me the same glances Billy gave me at the end of September, but Billy's glances were harder. Sam's glances were softer._

_After a while, the people in the room gave me a headache. Those kinds of headaches when it feels like too many things were going on at once. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, knowing that I would find some peace there._

_Pacing the bathroom, I needed to find a way out of here. If only for a little bit, but as soon as the thought came into my mind, I knew it was useless. Everyone knew I went to the bathroom, and I knew that it would be strange if I spent more than four minutes in here. There was no need to worry Charlie like that. _

_I leaned my hand against one of the higher shelves, and that's when I first felt it. A razor was hidden up the. A small smile crept upon my lips, because for the tiniest second everything felt okay again. Not like _he_ was back or anything, but I felt better than how I have felt in months. Then, something even better happened, my hand hurt. The razor cut my hand, but of course that wasn't the good part. The good part was that it seemed like my heart stopped hurting a little. Even for one second._

_Of course with every good thing comes a bad thing. I was bleeding where the razor cut my palm. The smell of it made me light headed, though I knew that I had to remain conscience. I had to run my hand underwater to dilute the smell._

_Once my hand was under the faucet, _I don't remember putting that on_, my mind started to function better. It was then that it all became clear to me; the only thing that would help the pain go away was more pain. _

With eyes still closed, I snuggled into my pillow, but I didn't want my pillow. I wanted my boyfriend to snuggle into. I rolled around on the bed, outstretching my hand at the same time, searching. Finally, getting sick of him not being close enough to cuddle with, I gave up and opened my eyes.

He wasn't even on the bed! This is the first morning in about two weeks that he hasn't been close to me when I woke up.

"Bella, are you awake?" A voice from behind me asked; though it wasn't the voice I wanted. This voice was the voice of the little pixie that usually comes in my room to come dress me up.

I groaned and turned around onto my side to face the little girl that was curled up in my rocking chair. "Alice, what time is it, and why are you here?"

Alice gave me a small frown. "I'm here because Edward is going to be late for school today, and I'm supposed to keep an eye on you. I'm driving you to school today." She flashed me Edward's keys. "And its 5:30, you might want to get up and start getting ready soon." She pointed to my desk, where a pile of clothes rested. "I laid you out some clothes."

Didn't Edward tell her what was going on? Why wasn't she mentioning anything? I nodded slowly to her and walked over to my desk to pick up my clothes. Thankfully, she picked me out a long sleeves sweater, light jeans, and a pair of uggs. Trying to get the topic far away from me, I turned to her and placed them back on the desk. "Alice, I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to pick out my own clothes."

That didn't make Alice smile, even more evidence that Edward told her. "I highly doubt you can. Now go take a shower. If you do anything _stupid_ I'll see it."

Okay, now she just made it completely obvious that she knew. What should I say back? Should I act like I didn't hear her? Well, no she would know I know what the true meaning of what she said meant. How can I avoid it then?

"I'm not going to take a shower, I took one last night." Perfect avoidance! "Why is Edward going to be late?"

"I'm not sure, he never said." Alice answered, eyes narrowing. "You should get ready now."

I picked up the clothes she gave me, not wanting to wear them. I eyed Alice who eyed me back, giving me one of those 'you-better-put-that-on-before-I-make-you' looks. The one only Alice can fully pull off.

I sighed, and pulled off my clothes, and put the new once on. I would have argued more but I knew that it was essential to keep Alice happy. I just didn't want to be put on the spot. I ate what Alice wanted me to eat for breakfast. I let Alice lightly curl my hair. I let Alice put make-up on my face. She must have known that I knew that she knew, but she was enjoying herself. By the time I walked through that door, I looked like the latest edition Barbie. Don't like four come out every month?

Charlie didn't help me at all. I don't think he could deny Alice anything. He just smiled and nodded his head at Alice, when she explained why I needed an hour and a half to get ready. Then again, he might have been way over his head in the girl stuff, and didn't want to get into make-up tips with Alice. When he said goodbye to us, Alice got really unusual. Her smile half faded when she said, "Hope everything goes alright today, Charlie."

He didn't seem to notice her behavior; maybe it wasn't noticeable. He patted her shoulder and wished her the same thing.

The ride to school was basically silent. It wasn't uncomfortable, either. Well, for me it was uncomfortable, she was relaxed as ever. I was on constant alert, thinking she was going to bring it up at any second. Maybe that was her plan. Maybe she was going to keep acting like she knows nothing. Maybe she was doing this to make me mad. Maybe she was doing this so I would be the one to crack first. Wow, am I being paranoid?

The music was on, and she was nodding her head with the music. I knew she knew about my discomfort, and that she was deliberately not mentioning anything. Then I knew what finally figured out what she was doing. She was trying to make me insane!

A small chuckle escaped Alice's lips. We were already in the school parking lot. "Very good, Bella. Took you how long? Two hours?"

I grabbed her coat as she opened the driver's side door and tried to get out of the car. Her coat was tight around her, most of the lack of the fabric in my hand. She turned around and gave me a hard glare. "Are you trying to ruin my new coat?"

I gave her a corresponding glare, but I didn't release the jacket until she was back in the car, and the door was closed so the heat would stay in the car, and not escape to the outside. "I really think you have some explaining to do."

"You are in way more trouble than I'm in, Bella." Alice's voice turned icy. "Look, Bella what you are doing is stupid. Extremely stupid. And do you know how worried Edward is? And Esme? Emmett, he was speechless for once. And have you seen the floor recently? I attacked Rosalie because of this (and I would have won too). So, after so much that you missed last night, _you_ are telling _me_ that I have some explaining to do?"

My mouth was agape. _What the hell happened last night?_ "First of all, that is not anyone's business except my own. Edward had no right to tell anyone about that. I didn't even want him to know about it. Second of all, you will not bring it up again. I swear-"

A cold little hand covered my mouth. Alice face was in a smirk, but I could tell that I had upset her. "Nobody tells me what to do, Bella. And it was a good thing Edward told us." Her face got serious. "Bella, you need help, and whether you like it or not, you are going to get it."

Help?! What is that supposed to mean? Are they going to send me to some sort of mental institution or something like that? It was moments like this that the razor blade looked even more inviting. Moments that I didn't really feel like putting up with anyone. I was about to ask what she meant it her comment about getting help, but I never got the chance.

Alice already knew what I was about to ask. "We haven't really figured out what we are going to do yet, Bella. Though, I'm warning you, if we have to resort to that, we will."

I could tell the bell just rang, even though we didn't hear it – well, I didn't hear it- because. I sighed. More than anything I did not want to have Alice on my bad side. "Look Alice, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but can you please just not talk about it? At least for right now?"

Alice pursed her lips. "How about if I really, really, really think it's fit for me to say something, I will. For example, you are being rushed off to the hospital. Other than any instances when it becomes mandatory, I won't talk about it. My mouth will stay shut."

I sighed, knowing that was the best I was going to get for now, and we both exited the car. I was heading to building four, and Alice was going to building seven. We were silent on the walk over, neither of us having anything to say. It seems like she was not mad at me, because she made sure she pecked me on the cheek when she left me in front of the classroom. I didn't miss the 'I'll-be-watching-you' look.

The moment she left, Mike came up to me. "Hey, Bella. Where's _Cullen_ this morning?"

I ignored his tone. "He's going to be late. I have no idea why." I walked into the classroom, with him on my right side. I hung my jacket up, making sure the cuts on my arm stayed covered up.

Mike sat next to me today. Jessica gave me an ugly glare, but it didn't last to long. She probably remembered that I once again have a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I found the wrong moment to smile, because Mike thought I was smiling at him. He smiled back, but thankfully, the lesson started and he didn't have a chance to say anything.

Every single second of the period I wished that Edward was going to walk through the door, but he didn't. _Please save me Edward. Please come from wherever you are and save me! _Though, he did not walk through the door, and I was forced to walk with Mike and Jessica to second period. Well, I had to walk with Jessica, Mike had another class.

"And I don't even know why Mike is playing hard to get. I mean, he knows I want to go back out with him. And oh my god he is the best kisser. I mean the things that boy can do with his tongue. He is nothing like Eric, I mean that boy is so hopeless he might as well slit his wrist-"

"What!" I asked. I was only half attuned to her, but the expression 'slit you wrists' surely brought my attention back.

"I was saying that Eric is such as loser he might as well slit his wrists. Eww that is so gross, though. Why anyone would do that, I have no idea."

A voice from my left startled me. The voice was a little worn. "Yeah I have no idea why anyone would do that either."

I felt Edward's arm wrap around my waist. He kissed the top of my head. "Sorry I'm late. I got tied up at home."

By this time Edward was helping me out of my jacket, and we were walking into the classroom. I walked to my seat in the back of the classroom. I didn't really know what I was going to say to Edward. Do I act normal?

He seated himself next to me, but I didn't look at him, I kept my head down. Even when the teacher began to write things on the board that we were supposed to write down in our binders, I didn't look up. When Edward poked my side, tried to turn my chin towards him, and played with my hair a little, I still didn't look at him.

What I did do was look at the note that Edward put on my desk. His perfect handwriting had my full name etched on the front fold. I opened it without looking at him.

_Bella, I know you do not want to talk to me. I have no idea if you are mad at me, ashamed, embarrassed, or all or none of the above. I just wanted you to know that no matter what I am here for you. You can come to me for anything and everything you need. Isabella Marie Swan, I love you more than you can ever know, and I know that I have hurt you too much in the past. I would rather kill myself a thousand times over than see you in anymore pain. Please, talk to me, love._

A few tears had escaped by the time I finished the letter. Though, I wrote back to him instead of getting in trouble with the teacher.

_I am mad at you. Though, I know you don't want to see me in anymore pain. We'll just talk about it later, okay? I just need, well- I don't know what I need right now._

I passed him the note and looked at his face for the first time during the class. He caught my eye and nodded. After two more seconds, he mouthed "after school." Though, in the back of his eyes, I could tell something was already up.

The rest of the school day passed much the same as first period. Edward was good and mostly silent. Alice also mainly talked to Angela at lunch. I was on constant alert. I thought that they were going to say something. My fingers crawled across my sweater's sleeve. I just wanted some sort of relief.

Alice was in the back seat of the car, and I was in the passenger's, and of course Edward was driving. When I noticed that we weren't taking the normal route to drop off Alice first I turned to Edward. "Alice needs to go home, Edward. I'm grounded, remember."

Edward turned to me, his eyes cautious. "Charlie is letting you have visitors today."

"He is?!" I asked him, my eyebrows rising in surprise. "Why is he letting me free for the day?" When my house came into view, I noticed a car in the drive way that shouldn't be there. "And why is Carlisle here."

Edward was silent when he pulled to a stop in front of my house. He got out of the car without a word, and so did Alice. Edward came around to my side, but I didn't get out like I normally did. "Edward, what is going on?"

And then it dawned on me. "Edward, you told him, _didn't you?"_ My voice was rising in volume, but it was panicked so I didn't quite yell. Tears came to eyes as I glared at my boyfriend. Alice was already near the doorstep. When he remained quiet, I continued to press for an answer. "Edward, you told him, _answer me/"_

Edward nodded.

**A/N My longest chapter ever. I hope you guys like it. I guess I did. **

**For all of those people who are thinking**_**. I don't think Charlie should know**_** remember that I am trying to keep it as realistic as possible.**

**review**


	5. Minerva

**A/N This girl who reviewed for my story asked if I would update for her Christmas present. So that is what I am doing. Merry Christmas, Angela!**

**So, this is the next chapter, obviously. It is from Edward's point of view. **

**Review and I do not own Twilight.**

_And then it dawned on me. "Edward, you told him, __didn't you?"__ My voice was rising in volume, but it was panicked so I didn't quite yell. Tears came to eyes as I glared at my boyfriend. Alice was already near the doorstep. When he remained quiet, I continued to press for an answer. "Edward, you told him, _answerme_!"_

_Edward nodded._

I sat in the passenger seat of the Mercedes, waiting for my father to join me, my hands running through my bronze hair. I don't know how much longer he will be, he was currently saying goodbye to Esme, and their goodbyes sometimes last longer than others. Alice left for Bella's about an hour and a half ago, so they will be leaving for school soon. That means that I would be able to talk to Charlie soon.

What I was about to do will be extremely dangerous, I can tell that from just thinking about how much Charlie loves Bella. He will mostly definitely get mad at me, and I deserved it. If she won't get mad at me, someone should. Also, Carlisle was right, Charlie needed to know.

Bella will also get mad at me for doing this for her. Yes, I meant the word 'for', because I was doing this for her. She is going to get better, and I am going to make sure she does. She needs me more than ever now, and I am going to make sure that she knows that I will forever be around.

Carlisle's thoughts were exiting the house, and walking patiently to the garage in the back of the house. My father was walking as anybody would in the park, just trying to enjoy the day. He wasn't thinking about anything important, just the way the grass lay on the ground; kind of like someone came around and wanted to give in a comb over. His head was always the safest place to be, most of the time I wouldn't find anything to gruesome in it.

The car door shut quietly next to me, but the engine didn't start consequently, like it usually did when a vampire wanted to get somewhere in a vehicle. This startled me, making me look up at Carlisle, to see that he was looking at me as well.

_Everything is going to be alright, Edward. I've done meetings like this one hundreds of times before. I know exactly what to expect._

With a little rub on the shoulder, we sped down the long driveway to meet with Bella's father. I wasn't especially looking forward to this, but I also knew that I had to be there. I did love Bella more than anyone could ever know. That is why last night I asked Carlisle if I could accompany him on his trip to give Bella's father the unfortunate news. Of course, he agreed.

The car ride was silent except for the rain poring down on the top of the car and the windshield. I tried to stay out of Carlisle's mind. I, at least, owed him that. He was doing me a great favor by going with me. Also, he was doing a great favor by letting me go with him, but I knew he would never deny me this.

I saw my Volvo riding around the corner, as we turned onto the street. Alice noticed the Mercedes, and she thought, _'Just try to keep Charlie as calm as possible. He is not even suspicious. Good Luck, brother.'_

The curtains in the living room twitched, and the thoughts from inside of the house were wondering why Carlisle was stopping by for visit, especially at this early in the morning. As my father and I were getting out of the Mercedes, Charlie showed up at the front door.

Carlisle was before me when we made it to the front door, both of our shoulders hunched over to try to protect us from the rain. Once we made it to the little cover over the front door we stood up straight, to look at a very surprised Charlie.

Carlisle stuck out his hand to shake Charlie's. "Good to see you again, Charlie. We were wondering if we could talk to you for a few minutes. It is about Bella."

Charlie nodded. "Sure, come on in. Is Bella alright?" He sure wasn't expecting the answer he was about to receive.

Carlisle had his jacket already pulled off, and hung it on the hook with Charlie's police officer uniform. I followed suit, when Carlisle finally answered Charlie's question. "No, Charlie, Bella is far from okay."

_What is he talking about? I just saw her not two minutes ago. She is not deathly ill or anything. I bet this has something to do with him._ I knew that he meant me from the picture of me in his mind. _I wonder what he is planning on doing to Bella _this_ time. _

A very soft grumble erupted in my chest. Thankfully, it was too low for Charlie to hear, but, unfortunately, Carlisle heard it. Almost as a reflex he put a hand on my shoulder to calm me down.

"Why don't we go into the living room and talk? Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"

I shook my head, and my father politely declined the offer. I sat down next to Carlisle, making sure to have him in between me and Charlie, who sat in the chair that he normally sits on. I'm a vampire and I am afraid of an unarmed human, balding man.

Carlisle started out the conversation. "Charlie, I have some news for you about Bella, which will come as quite a shock to you. My son, here, is extremely upset over something he found out Bella has been doing. He had no idea what to do, so he came to me with this knowledge, hoping that I will help him help her."

Charlie nodded; his thoughts were strictly on Bella. Drugs went through his mind, and so did pregnancy. When he spoke his voice was a little unstable. "What has happened to Bella?"

Carlisle continued to talk, not letting me speak. Not that I really wanted to be the one to actually be doing the speaking to him in the first place. His voice was soft, and gentle, but also hesitant; his doctor's voice. "Edward has recently found scars from self harm on Bella's arm."

Charlie looked at Carlisle like he was mad. He didn't believe it for one second. "I'm sorry, but there is not a chance that Bella would ever do something that stupid. I mean, I understand your concern, but Bella is responsible kid. And, besides, I would have noticed the scars."

Carlisle, in full doctor mode, lent forward, so that his elbows were on his thighs and his hands were folded on his chin. "Charlie, I am a hundred percent sure that Edward is not mistaken. Edward would you like to explain to Charlie what you saw?"

I nodded. I needed to make up a lie and a good one. I couldn't very well admit that I was in his daughter's bedroom in the middle of the night last night. I had to make it seem like I knew from yesterday's visit. What did I do with her? We just spent out time in the kitchen. Good enough.

When I spoke, I did not need to fake the unsteadiness in my voice, it was there regardless. "Charlie, yesterday, Bella and I were in the kitchen. We were playing cards, a regular game of Go Fish. Then, Bella slipped up in her plan to keep the cutting to herself. I saw one of the scars on her wrist when one of her sleeves scrunched up a little. I was curious as to why she would have a perfectly straight cut on the wrist, so pulled the rest of her sleeve up, while she tried her hardest to keep it down."

Charlie looked at me with utter shock on his face. He was still having a hard time to believe something like that. "Are … you sure … you know … that they were there?"

"Charlie, I am very certain they were there. There were at the very least a few dozen of them, and I am very certain a few of them had been sliced open at least for a third or fourth time." I looked Charlie straight in the eye. "Bella is sick, she needs help."

I looked into Charlie's thoughts. They weren't pretty; most of them were trying to picture Bella doing something like that. _I can't believe … why would she so something … this explains her never wanting to take off her sweater. How could I miss this? Am I really that bad of a dad?_

Carlisle leaned over and rubbed Charlie's shoulder in moral support. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I know that this could be one of the worst things for Bella to be doing right now. You may even be mad at her. Please, don't be. This is not her fault. She is sick."

"Why would she …" Charlie's eyes, the same ones that Bella owned, glared at me. "YOU, you were the one that made my Bella do something like this." He stood up from the chair in one quick movement. My father did the same, to make sure he did not get to me. "How can you stand being in this house when you did this?! Do you have any idea, at all, what you have done? My Bella is now hurting so much, that she had to resort to this, and it is your entire fault. What do you have to say for yourself?!"

Every single one of his words pierced right through me. He was absolutely right. I slowly stood up, so I was eye level with Charlie. The eyes staring back at me were the eyes of a man being put in the den with a lion. "Charlie, I am so very sorry for what I have done to Bella. You have no idea how much it pains me every single day, every single minute. I will do whatever in my power to make sure Bella is healthy and happy again."

Charlie's face turned an alarming purple. His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. "Don't you think you have done enough?"

Carlisle cut in before I had anytime to talk. He patted my shoulder to instruct me to take a seat. "Charlie, right now in Bella's life, Edward is an essential. He needs to stay, he can help so much."

Seeing as Carlisle and I have both sat down, and humans usually do not like to be the only one standing, he took his seat again. His thoughts were not coherent enough to make any sense out of it. Finally, when he gathered himself together enough, he sat looked Carlisle straight in the eye. "What do I do now?"

No one said anything for a pregnant minute. Carlisle was deliberating the best course of action to get Bella help, without going underboard or overboard. When Carlisle spoke up again his voice sounded confident. "I think we should have an intervention. Try to make her see reason. We will go from there."

This was definitely not the answer either Charlie or I was expecting. I immediately jumped through the idea in my head. I knew that making Bella see reason was almost impossible. Though, would having everyone talk to her, help her? I have no idea. It could, or we could just overwhelm her. It is a start though.

"We should invite the family, make the intervention bigger." Carlisle continued. "It would show her how many people care about her."

I nodded, so did Charlie. Bella's father had the same question on his mind that was on mine. "What if it doesn't help her? What if it only makes her worse?"

Carlisle gave Charlie a small smile. "I won't lie to you Charlie. It might be for the worse, but it is the best chance we got. We want to help Bella in anyway we can, so we have to confront her about her problem."

Charlie didn't reply, but took a deep breath, and asked another question that had been on his mind for a while. "Why did she choose this?"

Carlisle shrugged. "I don't think she was suicidal at all. I think she just wanted to leave for a while. Pretend things weren't real. She hurt a lot, so she wanted to release the pain."

The air was silent, nobody spoke. Charlie was to wrapped up in his own head, and my father knew from being a doctor, that he should let Charlie take it all in. Charlie just couldn't believe his little girl was doing that. He couldn't believe that he had never noticed. He couldn't believe that I was in his house right now, when I had caused so much pain in his daughter.

The only reason he was not in my face right now is because of Carlisle. He would not degrade his son in front of him, and what Carlisle said was right. Even her father saw it. Bella needed me, as much as he would hate to admit it.

Carlisle spoke up, "Charlie, I need to bring my son to school, and I know that you need to get to work. Do you think you can be back here before Bella gets home from school? I can bring my wife and kids here at the same time."

Charlie nodded and stood up. "Thank you, for telling me."

Carlisle smiled over at Charlie, while shrugging into his jacket. "I just want Bella to be happy, and healthy."

They shook hands again, and Charlie turned to me. His voice was a little hard. "Have her back straight after school."

I nodded at him. "Of course."

My father and I then half ran at human pace into the rain, and into the Mercedes. Carlisle turned to me, as he started up the engine "I'm proud of you, son."

I turned to him, alarmed. "For what?"

Carlisle gave me a small smile. "For being a man and for not being a coward."

**A/N That is the talk from Edward's point of view. Merry Christmas, Hanukah, kwanza. Whatever you celebrate.**

**Also, if you know any really good complete fanfictions. Can you please tell me them. I am always looking for something good to read.**

**Review**


	6. Neith

**A/N I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, or whatever you celebrate. This is the next chapter, obviously. Please review, it would really make my day. I only got ten reviews last chapter. That is fifteen less than what I got for the chapter before.**

_My father and I then half ran at human pace into the rain, and into the Mercedes. Carlisle turned to me, as he started up the engine "I'm proud of you, son."_

_I turned to him, alarmed. "For what?"_

_Carlisle gave me a small smile. "For being a man and for not being a coward."_

"Take me somewhere else. I am not going inside that house." I demanded him. I didn't care if I was grounded, I didn't care if Charlie yelled nonstop at me for leaving. I just needed to get out of here. "Bring me somewhere."

Charlie would be mad. He is going to be so disappointed in me. I can't face him now. I was being a coward, but I really didn't care. I wonder how Charlie took it. I can perfectly imagine his face getting purple and him wanting to break something. I know that is what happened. It is a Charlie thing to do.

I also wondered how Edward told him. Exactly what happened? There was no way I was going to ask though. That subject is clearly off my list of things to bring up around people. I wonder if Esme or Carlisle was there to help defend Edward from Charlie's anger.

"Bella, I am not going to take you anywhere. You are going to get out of this car, and you are going to get in that house. And, most importantly, you are going to do it _now_." Edward's voice was hard. He knew that he needed to remain strong. Though, if I had anything to do about it, he was going to crumble.

"You can't make me do anything. I am not going into that house." I gave him a glare. I was still sitting in the passenger seat of the Volvo. Edward had one arm on my door, and he was partly leaning in. "You don't need to help me with anything. I had it under control for the last forever."

Edward's expression did not change; he continued to look at me with a hard glare. "You know what you said is not true, Bella. Are you going to get in that house, or are we going to do this the hard way?"

I pointedly did not answer him. Taking that as my answer, Edward grabbed my upper right arm, and pulled me out of the car, in one fluid movement. In another fluid movement, the door closed.

Not giving me enough time to get my foot settled on the ground, he pushed me up against the now closed door. One of his arms grabbed my right upper arm, maybe a little too hard. The other one was my left wrist, making sure that I don't remove my hand. Though, he did not seem to notice. "Bella, you are going to go in there, and you are going to listen to what everyone has to say. Trust me; if you cause any trouble in there, things are only going to be worse for you."

I folded my arms across my chest. When I spoke next, my voice was rising in volume, and it was thick with the tears that had not fallen yet. "You can not tell me what to do. I do whatever I want to do. Now leave me alone."

Again, Edward seemed to be unaffected by the words I've said. Instead, he released the hand that locked my wrist against the Volvo, and pulled me forward by my upper right arm toward the front door. He walked to fast, making me stumble my way. I also, tried, unsuccessfully, to release my arm from his grasp.

"Let me go! Stop! You don't know what you are doing!" Obviously, Edward noticed that I didn't want to go, but he wasn't taking no for an answer. As we approached the front door, I started with the threats. "I _will_ key your car, and I'll lock my window at night, now. I swear to god, I will!"

Right before Edward opened the front door; he looked at me for a second, and then started to speak. This time his voice was noticeably softer, and maybe even a little doleful. "You can do whatever you like, Bella, none of that really matters to, compared to making sure you are well. Just focus on getting yourself better." He kissed the top of my head before I had a chance to duck out of the way.

He slowly opened to the front door, and walked in, towing me behind him. My heart began to hammer as I thought about what awaited me in the family room. Edward shrugged out of his jacket, but I didn't move to take mine off. After it became obvious to Edward that I wasn't going to take mine off myself, he unzipped it, and maneuvered it down my bent arms. I know that he was being patient with me, because he knew that I had the worse end of the stick, and he must have noticed my hands shaking, knowing that I was scared.

He murmured and 'I love you', and grabbed my hand, leading me into the family room. My face was facing the carpet, to afraid to look up and actually see who is in the room. My whole body was shaking head to foot,

What surprised me the most was that a warm figure wrapped his arms around me. Taking my next breath, I noticed that it was Charlie, and also, I'm not really close with anyone that would be close to his size. I didn't move my hands to wrap around him. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't, but it didn't seem like the best choice.

When he released me, I finally had a good look at who was in the room. Charlie made his way back to the only chair. Emmett was standing behind him; he didn't have the normal smile on his face. The look on his face told me that he was about to set up for business.

Alice sat on the side of the couch closest to Charlie, she looked hesitant, not knowing what to say, another new for her. Perched on the armrest was Jasper. I couldn't really tell what he was thinking, for his expression was perfectly blank. Esme sat on the other side of Alice, she looked at me like she wanted to go up to me and hug me. Carlisle was next to Esme, his arm around her shoulders. From many trips to the emergency room, I knew I doctors face when I see one. Rosalie was the only one who was not in the room.

Everyone was silent and still for a second. No one really wanted to be the first one to start talking. I was starting feel a little uneasy, for everyone was looking at me. Eventually, Carlisle took the lead.

"Hello, Bella. I am guessing you know why we are here, am I correct?" His voice seemed pleasant enough. He waited for me to say something. I didn't. "Am I correct, Bella?"

I knew that he was expecting me to nod or something, but that wasn't going to happen. I just stared straight at him, showing no emotions on my face. After months of pretending to be alright for Charlie, it had gotten quite easy.

My father's ruff voice was the next one to talk. It was so much calmer than I expected it to be "Bella, Carlisle asked you a question. Answer him."

There was no way I was going to take part in this. Edward can keep me here, but I am not going to just stand here and act like I am enjoying it. I ignored my father, too, looking directly at the wall. I couldn't face anyone right now. That had to be the first time I had ever disrespect my father.

Because I was looking at the wall, I could not see the change in Alice. "Bella! Just answer them. Sense you have to act _so_ stupid, someone has to be the responsible one. Geez!"

I looked over at Alice to see her staring at me like I just personally insulted her. She didn't understand anything. "Just because you guys think that I have done something stupid doesn't mean that I have. I know perfectly well what I am doing! So you guys really, really _need_ to stop."

Esme, who had remained silent up until now, spoke up. When she spoke, it seemed like she was on the verge of tears. "Bella, will you please just listen to us? You are not well, you might think you are, but you are really ill."

"No, I'm not, that's what you guys don't get. I. am. Perfectly. Fine. I have been doing this for the longest time and nothing has happened to me yet. So, please, just stop!" I felt Edward put an arm around my waist. "So, just leave it alone. There is nothing wrong with me."

"Except you have a bunch of scars on you wrist." Jasper, who I thought would remain silent, spoke in a subdued tone.

I chose to be the higher person and ignore the snide comment. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have homework to do."

Edward tightened his grasp on my waist. His voice was sullen. "You are not going anywhere, Bella."

Charlie, a little louder than Edward, said. "Hold up right there, young lady."

I completely ignored my father; instead I focused my attention on Edward. I took a deep breath. "Let go of me. I mean it."

Emmett was the one to react to my demand. "How about we make a deal with you, Bella? If we think that you have talked enough, and you have learned everything that you can from this little experiment, then you will be able to leave, without any objection from the rest of us. Does that sound fair to you?"

Everyone looked at my face with anticipation. None of them like to see this side of me. It is the side that hates the world, and just wants you to leave me alone. "Will you also leave me alone after that?" I knew I was asking for too much, but you can not hate a girl for trying.

Carlisle smiled a little at my attempt. "I'm sorry, but that is not the policy."

"We are not in a hospital." Can't I just get out of here? The strain of the whole day was wearing on me, and I need something to make it all better. I knew what I needed. I needed my razors; they always made everything better, no matter what. That is not what they were getting. My cuts were keeping me sane.

"Well, we can go to the hospital if you want." Charlie told me, his voice getting thoroughly annoyed. "And I can give you a police escort too, if that is what you want. How does that sound to you, Bella?"

I knew that my father would really make me go to the hospital. He cared about me to much to let this pass by easily. He just really didn't see what he needed to see in the cuts. He needed to see how much they helped me.

Jasper looked at me then. "Are you going to accept the deal? Because seriously, everyone is right, Bella."

I can sit here and not say anything at all, but I know that they won't let me leave until I 'improve'. I can not try to run again, that option is not really an option anymore. So, if I can't remain silent and I can't runaway, then what am I left with?

The answer was quiet easy to figure out. I was left with only their option. I had to pretend to get better. I had to pretend to notice my mistakes. I had to act like what they are saying is really affecting me.

I nodded slowly, but didn't move to sit in between Alice and Esme, where there was obviously a space open. I just wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. I knew they were waiting for me to sit down, but I wasn't going to do everything they want. Plus, it would be easier for me to remain standing, it would make me seem like I was more in control of the situation.

Charlie took a deep breath, thankful that the hard part was over. "Can I get anyone a drink, now? I'm quite thirsty myself."

All of Cullens shook their heads, but Charlie left the living room and into the kitchen to get himself something to drink. He was taking his sweet time, after the hardship I just gave him.

I was expecting everyone to remain silent, but as soon as Charlie turned to corner, Alice spoke up. "Bella, I know that you are just staying in the room because you have no other choice. I also know that you are going to just agree with everything we say. Though, you probably forgot that Jasper here can tell everything you are feeling. You can't get through this that easily."

I fidgeted in Edward's arm, trying to force him off of me. There is no way that everything is going to go so easily between us in the next few days. Figuring out what I wanted, he quickly dropped his arm.

Charlie came around the corner again, oblivious to the exchange. In his hand was a glass of root beer. Thankfully, he wasn't actually drinking. "Okay, umm… Carlisle where do you think we should start?"

Carlisle thought about it for a second. "I think we should start with telling Bella about how what she is doing is affecting us. Charlie, sense you are her father I think you should start."

Charlie nodded. "Wow, I don't know where to start. How about the beginning, that is where they recommend you start right?" When no one answered his question, he looked me straight in the eye, and continued. "Bella, you're my little girl. You know that I love you so much. And you doing this, it tears me apart. You can't begin to imagine how it feels like. It feels devastating to see you do this. Maybe someday when you have a kid, you'd understand."

Close to the end of the little speech, Charlie cast his eyes down. I knew he wasn't crying, but I knew he was close. I was shaking harder. Edward had to put an arm around me, keeping me close to him, so I can lean onto something without falling.

I knew that he would be the hardest person to actually handle seeing upset. Charlie would be the worst off of all the people in this room, because he was the one who had to live with me for so long. He also thought that he should have been more able to find out what was wrong with me, sense he was around me more than anyone. He just didn't know how much of a great job I did to hide it.

Edward rubbed my arm soothingly. He whispered in my ear, "He loves you, you know. This is hurting him almost as much as it is hurting me." He took his face out of my hair, and turned to Emmett. "Why don't you go next?"

Emmett sighed; still there was no smile on his face. "I missed you when we were gone. You shouldn't do this to yourself. You do not know how mad I am at Edward for making sure we did not contact you. You should be cutting Edward up, not yourself."

Jasper took line right after him. "Trust me Bella; if anyone knows what you are feeling, it is me." Charlie looked confused at his statement, but thought it was better not to say anything. "Many people have felt worse than you do now, heck, just two weeks ago I felt worse." Alice took his hand in hers. "That is no reason to be doing what you are doing, though. You have to try and make yourself better."

Alice took right off, speaking almost to fast for me to hear. I am sure my dad did not hear what she was saying. "Bella, please, you are my best friend ever. I love you so much. You just can't do this to the people you love… it's hurting him so badly, you should see how he was acting last night. Please, try to get better, if not for you, for him, or us."

Alice's voice broke on the last word, and Esme rubbed her back soothingly. "Bella, you know that you seem like a daughter to me, and Charlie was right. If you knew how devastated everyone here is, you'd get help. You need us to help you Bella. I will do everything that I can to make you better."

Carlisle looked at the ground for a few moments before talking. No one said anything, we all just waited. Not one of us really knew what he was going to say. "Bella, I have worked in a hospital for a long time. I have seen many patients like them. You feel like you lost control of yourself. Or you may feel like you need to feel something. Or you may feel like you are feeling too much. That I do not know. But I know this is the wrong way to handle things. I have seen many people loose their lives like this. Please, do not be one of those people. And please stop before it becomes more out of control than it already is.

"All the people here care for you. All of us hate to see you like this. We know you started to do it because we left. Just, please know that we will make up for it in anyway you need us to. We don't want to see you like this anymore."

The only thing that Carlisle got wrong there was I am not like all of the other people. I have this all under control. I know how to do it perfectly. It is not controlling my life, either. I don't see why people think this is the greatest mistake I have ever made.

Being me, I just silently nodded to everything they have said. Though, I forgot one important person still didn't have the opportunity to talk. From behind me, Edward let go of my waist, and grabbed both of my hands. He didn't look into my eye, but rather, to the floor. After a few seconds of silence, he looked up. I saw in his eyes that he was sadder than anyone here.

"Bella, you know I love you." My father stiffened a little. "You know that I would give you my life. I am so terribly, deeply, sorry for all the pain I have caused you, all the pain that I am still causing you. Can you please try your best to get better? You won't hurt as much afterwards."

I mumbled the words when Edward dropped on of my hands, but held onto the other. 'I'm fine.'

There was a pregnant silence that followed. No one knew what to say. No one knew what was supposed to happen next. I bet all of them thought what they had to say would have a bigger effect on me. The Cullens and my dad probably figured that I would turn around just then

My theories were proven right when Carlisle tried to catch my eye. "Bella, are you going to try to get better? Or are you going to break everyone's heart?"

"Funny choice of words, Carlisle." Edward's hand tightened around mine, his voice was hard. "What he meant is, you are going to get better one way or the other. I don't care if we have to send you to some mental institution."

"You wouldn't do that to me." I said, smug. "You just got me back. You wouldn't send me away like that."

"Bella, it is not his decision. It is mine. If the hospital (aka Carlisle) thinks that you can't take care of yourself right, I will be forced to make the decisions, as your guardian." Charlie would know all about the law and policies like this, being the chief and all.

No! They wouldn't do something like that to me. They couldn't force me to do something like that. I can't stand these people right now. I needed to get upstairs, and find my razors. I needed to find someway out of this. I needed to get rid of some of these feelings!

"Just let me go, please! Stop it for like, two seconds. I don't even know what I did wrong, and now you guys are all ganging up on me." My hand ran through my hair, unconsciously. Once again, tears started to well up. This time was different though. They fell over onto my cheeks. I wiped them away angrily before Edward could get to them.

Carlisle turned to Charlie. "I think in all, our little meeting did some good for her. Even if she does not want to get better, she is one step closer to wanting to. She doesn't realize she has a problem. Eventually, she will realize, but that has to be in her own time."

Jasper stiffened a little at my sudden mood change. "Bella, you need to calm down."

I ignored him, and faced Carlisle. "I told you, I do not have a problem, so stop talking about me as if I'm not here, because I am seriously about to flip out on your butt. You guys just don't get that those things are keeping me from going insane."

"Have you ever thought that the razors are making you go insane, though you don't know it?" Emmett asked me.

At the same time, Esme told me, in a soft voice. "Bella, we are trying to help you. We are trying to show you that you not need to do this."

"No, you're not." The tears that were still falling down my cheeks to fast to get them all with every swipe were evident in my voice. "Can I please be excused?"

The question was not directed at anyone in particular. Being my dad, Charlie looked at Carlisle to see if it was a good idea to let me go. Carlisle nodded, and turned to Alice, "Would you please go with her? Make sure she does not … get into any trouble."

I didn't wait for Alice to get up. I did not say goodbye to anyone, not even Edward. Shrugging out of Edward's arms, maybe a little to forcefully, I made my way to the stairs. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could. not even tripping once on the way up the stairs.

I slammed my door closed, and made my way to the dresser, where I kept my stash, needing something. I did not care that vampires were in the house, or that Alice was going to run in any second. I needed to release some of this; make it go away.

Opening my dresser, I noticed that none of them were in there. I ran to my floorboards, and flipped it open. None of them were in there either. I ran to my drawer on my night stand, and opened it. Completely clear except for a few books.

"Everything sharp has been taken out of your room." I didn't notice Alice leaning against the doorframe.

A/N My longest chapter ever, took me two days to write. It takes me a while to come up with ideas. But can you please review and tell me what you think I should do next. Or if you or someone you know was stuck in a situation like this one, what happened to them? That would really make my day.

Review!


	7. Atum

**A/N I do not own Twilight.**

_Opening my dresser, I noticed that none of them were in there. I ran to my floorboards, and flipped it open. None of them were in there either. I ran to my drawer on my night stand, and opened it. Completely clear except for a few books._

"_Everything sharp has been taken out of your room." I didn't notice Alice leaning against the doorframe._

I ran to the bathroom, angry tears running down my face. I didn't pay any attention to Alice as I passed her. I knew that my father kept his razor in the cabinet above the sink. Alice followed right behind me, hands folded in front of her. As I stepped into the bathroom, I slammed the door in her face. The last look I had on her, before the door closed, was a look of annoyance on her face.

I quickly opened the cabinet to only see a bar of soap, a bottle of shampoo, and a few air fresheners. They even took out the medicine. I'm not even suicidal! "What the hell!"

I needed something sharp, and I needed it now. I looked in the tub, sometimes a razor is left on the windowsill. Though, I wasn't that disappointed to see none there. Maybe in the cabinet under the sink? I threw the door open, so that it bounced on its hinges a couple of times.

It was obvious that someone had been under. When I first moved here, Charlie gave me this cabinet. Of course, I needed it more than him. All of my girly items were arranged perfectly. Kind of creepy and embarrassing.

Alice's voice rang through the door. "Don't worry, I did the bathroom. Charlie gave me the keys, and I skipped third period. Edward didn't touch your _items_. And there isn't anything sharp in the whole room."

"Shut up, Alice." I muttered, a second to late to realize that she could actually here me. Then I rolled my eyes at the thought that I actually cared.

I paced the small bathroom, taking two tiny steps in one direction and two tiny steps in the next direction. One of my hands grabbed my hair, trying to pull it out. Though it did not feel nearly as good as the cuts, it was a good supplement for the next three second.

Right before I was about to turn again, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was messed up from the fifteen seconds of pulling. My eyes were all puffy and red from all the crying I did today. The cheeks of the girl gazing back at me were a little puffed up and had some of the most terrible tiny brooks of salt water flowing down them. Her lips were parted slightly due to heavy, shallow breathing;

This is what they did to me. Almost on impulse, I drew back my hand, curling it into a ball at the same time, and flung it into the mirror. The shard fell of from where my hand laid, to the edge of the mirror. Most of them fell onto the sink, but some vibrated on the floor.

I picked up one of the shards. _Sharp_. I took my sleeve and wrestled it up my arm. I got one cut in before Alice came in. This was the first cut on my right arm.

The door banged open, and Alice rushed to my side, grabbing to glass from my left hand, and yelled out the door. "Dad! Carlisle! Edward! Please get up here! Bella cut herself!"

I sunk back against the sink, not feeling anything but the fresh, new, welcoming pain in my right arm. My back slid against the sink, my eyes closing with the motion of my body, until my butt hit the floor. One of my hands were in my hair, not really pulling, but just laying there. I barely noticed Alice sitting down along with me. She had my arm in her hand, and reached behind her to grab a towel. More, welcoming pressure added to the searing of the cut.

A second later I knew people were at the door, but I didn't look up to see who it was. There was a pause in which no one spoke. I opened my eyes, and looked at the three people in the doorway.

Carlisle pushed his way to the front, and knelt near me. Edward stepped over me, and knelt on the other side of me, and grabbed my good hand in both of his. My father was the other one, he stood in the doorway. Carlisle was the only one of the four who just came with a clear, doctor expression. Charlie, Alice, and Edward had the same face one. None of them knew what to do, and they were in disbelief I did this when they were all in the house.

Carlisle took the towel from Alice. "Alice, can you please go out to the car, in the trunk, can you get my bag?"

I wasn't looking at Alice to know what her response was, but I could tell she did leave the room. Charlie moved out of the way, when he passed her, his eyes were still glued to me, in a hopeless manner. He had no idea what to do in a situation like this. "Did she cut very deep?"

Carlisle looked away from the towel, to my father. "From what I can tell, it wasn't very deep. There could be so much more blood."

Both Edward and my father breathed out the same gust of air. I didn't have the guts to look at any of their faces right now. I settled for looking at my wrist. The towel was not soaked through, so that was a good thing.

Alice was back with the bag, she put it on the floor next to Carlisle, and left. I'm sure she left because she couldn't stand the blood. Should I make Edward leave? Can I even look at him? Probably not right now.

"Charlie, Edward, why don't you go downstairs?" Carlisle looked back and forth waiting for a reaction. I'm sure Edward said something under his breath to Carlisle, because he turned to my father. "I'm pretty sure Bella would not want you here to see this. It will only make it more difficult in the end."

Charlie left; everything was quiet as his footsteps made their way downstairs. Carlisle turned to Edward. "Son, if you need to leave…"

I was surprised how much strain was in Edward's voice when he responded. "I'm actually perfectly fine. I don't want to kill her at all."

Carlisle nodded, and then turned to me. "Bella, can you hear me? Do you know what I am saying?"

I nodded, mutely. I knew my nod was a little weak; I rested my head on the cabinet I was still leaning on. I wasn't feeling dizzy, just the pain was going away. This one had been one of the better ones; maybe it was because I broke a mirror too. I had to explain to the two Cullen men, "I broke the mirror on purpose."

I looked over at Edward. I was surprised to see his expression. I expected to him mad, wanting to break my neck or something. That is not what I saw. I saw melancholy mixed with a tad bit of disappointment. "It is okay, honey, no one is mad at you for breaking the mirror."

Carlisle took the towel off of the new cut. "I think it has basically stopped bleeding now. I'm just going to wrap it all up in bandage for you, is that okay, Bella?"

I knew that he was going to do it anyways, whether I agreed with it or not. Before I even answered, Carlisle was fishing in his bag for the bandage. "Alice and the family is leaving now, they told Charlie you are going to give me a ride home, Edward."

Edward nodded. "I am coming back here though. And you are right, after this, we need to find some plan fast, even if it is too fast for Bella."

I sat up more straight against the cabinet. Carlisle was already done with the wrapping, because Charlie was not in the room. That means that he could use his vampire speed. "What are you guys talking about?"

Carlisle and Edward looked at each other, both beautiful faces wanting to know if the other wanted to reply. Edward took the initiative. "You can die from this Bella. You might think you know what you are doing, but you have no idea how easy it is to just do the wrong thing. We can not afford for that to happen, obviously. So, we have to find a new approach at this."

"I'm fine really. Nothing happen, did it?" I told them. Of course, I was fine. Nothing was going to happen to me. I mean, there was more of a chance of Edward biting me than there was of me killing myself. Well, of me killing myself by cutting myself on purpose.

They both chose to ignore my question. Carlisle was the one to speak up. "We need to go speak to Charlie. All four of us should do it, not leave Bella in the dark this time. She was extremely shocked last time, and look what happened." He gestured to me on the floor. "Bella, do you want to go downstairs and talk to you father?"

Again, I didn't have much control in the situation. Edward had moved both hands from my one hand. One of them went behind my back, and the other went below my knees. He picked my up bridal style, and set me on my feet.

Carlisle walked downstairs, leaving Edward and I alone. Edward looked at me in the eyes. I don't know what he saw there, but whatever it was made him sigh. "Bella, just come downstairs with us, you don't even have to say anything if you do not want to."

Should I just go quietly, and let Edward have this easy? I mean I have made enough stress in his life; especially in the last twenty four hours. I shrugged at him, and turned the other way, and walked to the stairs. Before I could take the first step down, Edward grabbed my upper arm, though, this time it wasn't as forceful.

"Bella, would you mind being easy on your father. He really has had a horrible day that he just didn't want to happen. Just please, be hard on me, or even Carlisle, okay?" Edward's velvet voice begged me to be nice.

Why would I be mean to my father? I mean, if he doesn't take my side, I am not going to be happy about that. Then again, I was the one who cut myself, making my father this worried. He just wanted to help me in any way that he could, but so did Edward. Then, why was I making this so hard for Edward, but I was making easier for my father? I loved them both.

I shrugged at Edward, still wrapped up in my own head to actually care too much about anything else. "They have already started to talk, huh?"

"Yes, they have. They are in the kitchen right now. Let's go." He picked me up, and in a blink of an eye I was on the first story of the house. He grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen.

Carlisle was sitting across from Charlie at the table. Charlie was rubbing his forehead, vigorously, with his palm. His elbow was on the table in front of him. Carlisle sat across from him, hands folded on the table.

I took the seat nearest to us, while Edward went around and sat across from me. Everyone was silent, not wanting to be the first one to speak. I was surprised to find that it was Charlie to be the first one to speak. "We have no idea what to so here Bella. We can't let you live like this for one more day."

I closed my eyes, taking in breath at the same time. I spoke once I opened my mouth and eyes. "Don't I have any say in what happens to me?"

Carlisle gave me a sad smile. "Your father and I have limited it to two choices. It is either you are watched every second, or we check you into a mental institution. Those places will probably help you for months."

I knew that my father was serious about the choices he was giving me. "Every single second? That is a little preposterous."

"Do you want to go to a mental institution, Bella?" Edward asked me.

"No, but I need privacy!" I yelled. I didn't see why I should keep my voice down. I was mad, and I needed to show them how much they drive me up the wall."You are going to drive me insane."

Charlie looks me square in the eye. "Bella. Make. A. Choice."

I was beat. I knew I was. "God, I choose the no privacy." I felt tears filling up my eyes. I needed to get out of here. "I HATE YOU GUYS!" I ran from my spot at the table, and into the hallway. I made my way upstairs. Edward followed me the whole way, one step behind me.

**A/N Another chapter. Review please.**


	8. Harpokrates

**A/N Sorry about the no update for a long time. I was going to update yesterday, but I was working on science fair. So now I woke up early for you all to steal the computer before any of my sisters do. And I think my eye is kind of swollen. **

**Also, for the people who are saying that they don't like my story because of certain things I twisted around with, that is the point of the story. So please don't tell me how my characters do not relate to the real thing.**

**This chapter is more of a filler. I have writer's block, which is another reason I haven't updated, but I wanted to give you guys something. **

_I was beat. I knew I was. "God, I choose the no privacy." I felt tears filling up my eyes. I needed to get out of here. "I HATE YOU GUYS!" I ran from my spot at the table, and into the hallway. I made my way upstairs. Edward followed me the whole way, one step behind me._

I spent the rest of the evening in my room with Edward. I didn't talk to him at all but I just didn't want him to leave. I just got him back, and after this I was so afraid that he was going to think that I wasn't worth the effort. Also, I don't think that he would leave, with the whole no privacy agreement. The best I could do now was to ignore him.

My body was lying on the bed, in a little ball. I ignored Edward as he tucked me in making sure the blanket would fully cover me. When he kissed my forehead and brushed the hair out of my face, I especially ignored him. He walked behind me, and sat down on the rocking chair. Thank god, I don't think I could have kept my cool if he had laid down next to me.

Everything was quiet between us for the next few hours. I think he got that I really didn't want to talk to any of the people who did this to me. I didn't want to put up with anymore of their explanations about something they really did not understand. At a time, though I am not quite sure, but I think Edward was on his cell phone. Perfectly content to sit there in bed, I didn't turn around and check. I could have sworn that I heard the buttons on his cell phone beep.

At a time Carlisle knocked on the door, me not wanting to talk to anyone didn't say anything. Edward eventually found out that I was not going to talk to anyone, so he answered it for me.

Carlisle walked through the door. "Did Alice tell you that she has to come and watch Bella sleep, incase Charlie wakes up?"

For the first time Edward spoke from behind me. "Yes, I was just talking to the whole family about an hour ago. They said that we should take turns taking care of her. I am going to stay here though."

_Taking care of me! Just keep your mouth shut_. I had to keep reminding myself that. I had to keep my mouth shut. I can't let them know anything about what I was going through right now. The more they knew, the worse things can get.

Carlisle then turned to me. "Bella, is it alright if Alice comes to watch you tonight? If we know Edward well enough, he will probably be here once your father is asleep."

I looked him in the eye, trying to clear my eyes from all emotions. From what I could tell I did a fairly good job. With a sigh Carlisle walked forward a few steps and in front of me on the floors. "Bella, Don't go around ignoring everyone. That is only going to make it so much harder to get better. I have seen thousands of people like this. I've worked in an asylum before. I know what I am talking about."

I rolled around so that my back was facing him, but that didn't work out very well. Now I was facing Edward. I face planted my head into the pillow. There, now everyone is happy. Well, now it's fair, I'm not looking at any of them, but my face was being suffocated by a pillow.

I felt someone touch the back of my head, almost like he was feeling my hair, trying to soothe me. I am guessing it was Carlisle because the door closed afterwards, signaling that he left and that I could turn onto my side again.

Another hand touched my hair after that. This time it was combing through it, trying to soothe me. "Bella, love, won't you just please talk to me. Tell me how you are feeling. I can not take your silence anymore."

Right, why in the world should I talk to him right now? I remained silent.

Another hour or two passed. Neither one of said anything. It was a good thing that Edward didn't try to make me talk; he was just letting me wait this one out. He was letting me sit here until I wanted to talk to him. I also knew that I couldn't ignore him forever.

When pain began to arise in my lower stomach, I knew that I needed a human moment. Will he let me get up now? Well, he really couldn't keep me here to pee myself. I got out of bed, ignoring Edward once again, but I knew that he had to say something about me leaving eventually.

I didn't look to my boyfriend as I neared the door, but suddenly he was there blocking my way out. "Where are you going, Bella?"

I was surprised by how strong my voice sounded after just laying there for quite some time. "I'm human, Edward. I need to go take a human moment."

Shock crossed his face. "We didn't really discuss this one. I can't really follow you into the bathroom, can I?" He concentrated for a second. "Alice would know what to do, wouldn't she?"

Without waiting for an answer from me, he dug his hand into his front pocket, and drew out his cell phone. He flipped it opened and hit the speed dial to Alice's cell phone, or the house, which one, I was not sure.

After a few seconds, Alice picked up the phone. "Alice, Bella needs to use the bathroom… Yes, it has all been cleaned up, Charlie did it about an hour ago … Nothing else, really … Can you see? … Are you sure? …. Call me if it changes … Bye."

My voice was extremely rude when I spoke up, after Edward shut his phone, and put it back into his pocket. "Can I _go_?"

"Alice said that you weren't going to do anything. She said that you just need to go in there. If that changes, I will barge my way in there, and there will probably be different circumstances. Do you understand that?"

I didn't answer him. I just ducked under his arm, and half sprinted my way to the bathroom. When I closed the door, I noticed that Edward was leaning against the outer door frame. After relieving myself, I looked around the room. I knew it was worthless to search through things. It was either Edward would come in, or Alice will call. Also, I knew that I wasn't going to find anything.

Washing my hands, I looked up to the mirror. Or rather, where there was no longer a mirror. Even the side of the mirror, where there was still glass left was completely empty. _They are controlling my whole life; I even have to ask permission to go to the bathroom!_

I strolled past Edward with my head down, not wanting to look at him out of anger, and I was afraid at what I was going to see there. I curled up on my bed, with my back facing the rocking chair again.

I was surprised when the bed sunk behind me. "Bella, I think that you should eat. I could have Charlie bring something up for you if you would like." I didn't respond, so he continued. "I think I will do that."

Again with the beeping of the cell phone! This time he clicked one on the cell phone. I knew that he put me as number one. The phone downstairs was ringing immediately. Wow, now isn't that lazy.

After two rings the phone was silent downstairs, and Edward began to talk. "Hello Charlie. It's Edward …. No she isn't alone. … I'm with her, but I didn't want to leave her. … I just think that she should eat something, but she will not go downstairs and get it for herself. … No, she is not talking to anyone right now. …. Do you think you could bring something up for her, so she is not left alone? … How about a sandwich? That should be easy for her to eat… Thank you."

"Charlie is making you a sandwich, Bella. He will be up in about three minutes. When he com-". The ring of his cell phone interrupted him, which was a good thing because I wouldn't have to respond if he asked a question. "Hi, Jasper … Why would that help? It will only make her more anxious … Alice was right; she has barely said a word … Yes, I mean you could give it a try … I can not think of anything … Tomorrow morning will be the best time I think … Yes, we should give her time to rest."

Edward got up off of the bed without a word, and sat on the rocking chair. An instant later the door opened, and Charlie walked through the door. "Would you guys mind keeping the door open while you are in here?"

I didn't answer, but Edward apologized. "Sorry, I didn't even notice it. We will keep it open for now on."

Charlie put the plate on the table next to me, and left without another word. Though before he left, he did give me a hopeful look. All these people are acting like I am mentally unstable. _If they knew anything … _

So, that is how the night went. I didn't talk to anyone at all. I didn't pay anyone any attention. Something that did catch my notice was the increasing need for something sharp in my hand. I had the need to let out all this frustration. I couldn't really let it out on Edward, sense I wasn't talking to him right now.

I went to sleep extremely mad at the world around me. Why couldn't it just leave me alone for three seconds? I heard Alice come in some time during the night, and I heard Edward leave, but I was a little too far gone to pay them any attention.

"Are you sure this is going to work, Alice?" Edward asked her when she first came in.

"No, I am not sure at all, but it is the best thing we could come up with." Alice replied. I felt a little pressure on my forehead, so I knew that Edward was leaving. Or, at least, until Charlie starts snoring.

I fell asleep a little after that.

When I woke up, I didn't find Edward or Alice in the room with me. I found Jasper. He hasn't been in my room since Edward left. Once I sat up, Jasper looked towards me. "Bella, I think we need to talk."

Jasper is more of the quiet type. He barely ever talked. "About what?"

"When I was human, I used to be a cutter."

**A/N Okay, so kind of a cliff hanger ending. I know many of you will not like it, but that is the way it is going to go. Do not forget to review.**


	9. I am the god of this chapter

**A/N Sorry it took me so long to update. I am not kidding when i say that i have been so busy.**

_________________________________________________________________________

_Jasper is more of the quiet type. He barely ever talked. "About what?"_

"_When I was human, I used to be a cutter."_

_______________________________________________________________________

I gave him a confused look. I did not know much about the man sitting in front of me, but I knew that he used to be a soldier. Edward told me at least that much. Should I even talk to him?

I do not know why, but I had the strange feeling that if I talked to him, I would feel somewhat better than I had last night. Maybe he knew something about how I was feeling. Maybe he would help me put a stop to his family.

"What do you mean you used to be a cutter? Aren't you like one hundred and fifty years old?" I do not know that much about Jasper's past, but Edward told me that Jasper lived about fifty years before he did.

"People did things like that back then too. Though it wasn't as popular, and it wasn't talked about that often." I do not know if he said that to make me feel more normal, like what I was doing is now commonly known and accepted. His family had already proven that it was not.

Both of us were silent, not knowing what to say next. The moments that followed were pregnant with the awkwardness. I guess, that we were both thinking the other one should talk first. He was the one who wanted to talk in the first place.

When he either felt my stubbornness, or figured out that I was not going to back down, he sat down in the rocking chair, putting one ankle on his knee. "Bella, as you pretty much figured out, my human time was a lot different than your human time. If anyone in the town I lived in ever found out what I did, I would have been shunned by everyone."

My eyebrows drew down in confusion. "You grew up in the South, right?"

Jasper chuckled lightly, not a reaction I was expecting. "Bella, I think I know where you are going with this. You are thinking that if I lived in the South, than people would definitely notice that I had scratch marks on my wrist when I wore short sleeves. Am I correct?"

I nodded. "And wouldn't it look suspicious that you would only wear long sleeves?"

"I didn't cut my wrists, Bella. I cut my legs. More specifically, I cut my thighs. That was the easiest place to hide my scars. No one would have known unless I took off my shorts, and when would I have the intention to take off my shorts in public?"

What could have caused Jasper to cut his legs? What could have been so bad in his life that he had to cut himself? I had an excuse, the love of my life left me. Doesn't he tell Alice that she was the only one he ever loved? What could be as painful as losing your soul mate, like I lost mine?

Right when I opened my mouth to ask him the latest question, he opened his mouth. "You're curious as to why I had the need to cut myself? Is that true?"

Again, I just nodded my head, surprised by how intuitive he can be.

"So how about I tell a story, about me, when I was a human? Everyday I felt similar to how you feel. I started it for the same reason you did, because it helped me. Thankfully, for my part, my addiction did not last as long as yours. If it did, I have no idea if I would even be here today."

When I didn't say anything, Jasper looked me square in the eye. "Bella, I know how you are feeling. The first reason is because I know how everyone is feeling with my special ability of mine. Second, I know how you are feeling because I have been there before. I had something very special to me out of reach, just like Edward was out of reach when he left."

I flinched when the memories came back. Right now I would just really love to drive the memories away. Of course, the only way that I could do that is if a vampire wasn't here. If I wasn't being watched twenty-four seven …

"You do not like when anyone brings that up, do you?" Jasper continued to talk, even though I was about to answer his question. "When I was younger than you that is when I started. A soldier came into town, and started to recruit people for the army, the Civil War had just started. For years before that, my friends and I had always dreamed about fighting for our country right next to each other."

"Now, my friends were two or three years older than I was. You had to be eighteen to joint he army, and I was youngest at only sixteen. When they came out of the office that the recruiter was in, I had never seen anyone so happy to fight for their country. It only made me want to join them that much more."

Where was this story going? How did the army have anything to do with cutting? He only had to wait a few years, which is all. I also, do not think the army would take anyone that cut themselves.

"You see, my friends left me to go fight in the war. I thought it wasn't fair. They got to go fight in war, but had another two years to wait. I was lonely, and I was desperate, and depressed. I know my parents saw the change in me. I know that they were extremely worried, and I hated to see them like that. They tried not to show it in front of me, but I _knew_."

"So is that when you decided to make things better? You saw that your parents were miserable, and you wanted to help them. Is that when you decided to cut?"

"Yes and no. People usually don't decide to start cutting. It usually becomes a need from the start. It was need for me.I felt so abandoned. Everything I wanted, everyone else wanted it to, and they had it. They went off to war almost immediately.

"I was working on the ranch, that my uncle ran, that is when I first cut myself. As I told you, no one talked about it, so I had no idea that it would be some sort of release. I was using a pitching forking to pick up hay and it sliced across my leg. I was thinking of my friends, and how lonely I felt, and after I cut my leg with the fork, all my thoughts were focused on the pain."

"So you decided that you were going to cut yourself to forget how much pain you were in, and how much you wanted to be with them." I asked, leaning forward a little, intrigued by his story.

"I didn't decide to do anything, I already described that it was a need. I needed to make myself forget." Jasper's gazed around the room, not really focusing on anything. "I think that is where my powers came from, apart from being an influence. I could feel other people's emotions as my own. I also felt my parents' pain. It only added to my own."

"So you started to cut your legs? How did you sneak around it?"

"It was easy to sneak around and do it. I had my own room, and my dad was gone half the time, he was a doctor. My mom was pregnant with another child. She never made it through the birth; her or the baby. They were very busy.

"After while, I felt the need to do it, not for feeling bad, but to because I needed to. That it didn't feel right when I didn't have a fresh cut on me. That something was wrong. I never really thought that there was something wrong with me."

Anger rose up high in me. "There is _nothing_ wrong with me!" How could he even suggest such a thing?

Jasper extended his hand. I knew that he was going to pat my hand, so I quickly moved my hand away from his, and slipped it under my blanket. "Bella, there is something wrong with you. You have the need for the sharp razors. I can feel have to find another way to deal with these emotions that you are feeling."

"I am dealing with them just fine! Why can't anyone understand that? Why can't everyone just leave me alone. I was doing fine before anyone tried to interrupt me." I was fuming. He may know what I am feeling, but he does not get at all anything else. It's like he knew everything about me. He did not get how big the motivation was behind the cutting.

"How about I just tell you more of my story? Then, you decide for yourself how you feel about if you are fine or not." Jasper requested, leaning back into the rocking chair. "I started to cut myself on a daily, and sometimes more than daily basis.

"I felt more whole when I cut. It felt like something came along and made me feel better. The cutting felt like a really good drug, but free. I didn't need to buy it from anyone. I was wrong, the cutting wasn't free. I had to pay the price of addiction, and I had to keep secrets. I had to pay the price of seeing the pain in my parent's eyes when they found out. I had to pay the price of the tears that I shed. It wasn't worth it at all."

I was surprised to find that when I spoke next, my voice was small and weak. "What happened next, what happened when your parents found out? How did they find out?"

More pain crossed Jasper's eyes as his eyes drifted their way to the past."I was working at my uncle's farm again that weekend. I had been cutting for about four months. I had an accident with one of the horse's I was training threw me off of him, and I did something to my leg; I'm not exactly sure what I did, but it was bad, and it hurt my leg a lot. My uncle rushed me right to my father, who told me to strip.I was afriad, there was no way that I could keep him from knowing. I couldn't keep him from knowing the injuries I did to myself. There was no way I was going to willingly let him see all the scratch marks. I couldn't run; my leg was to damaged for that. I refused him. I couldn't let him see what did."

"I do not rememeber much about what happened next. I knew that my dad undressed me, and that he went extremely pale. If I had to pick one word to describe my father, it would be strong. The way tears came to his eyes. He fell down onto his knees next to me, and grasped my arm in his firm grisp. 'Why, Jasper? Why would you do this?'

"I told him that I needed to do it because I needed to join the army. Then, my father asked why me why I didn't just come to him about it. I figured out then that I should have; that I shouldn't have developed this addiction." Jasper got off of the rocking chair, and sat next to me on the bed. "Bella, my father and my mother helped me join the army early. They saved me. Just like we are trying to save you."

"Right..." I believe that cutting may have no been the right thing for him, but it was for me. It helped me so much. I needed to do, he could have easily stopped. Now that I think about it, he probably did stop right after. "Because I need saving."

"It took me about another year after that to look into my mother's eyes and tell her that I was okay, Bella." Jasper put his arm around me. "I didn't stop right after I joined the army, I wanted to, but it wasn't that easy. Whenever something went wrong, I needed to do something about it, and that is what I chose to do. We will help you do the same."

I roughly shrugged his arm off of me. "I do NOT need help. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE."

"I know you think that now, but later you will see that you are wrong. Bella, why won't you even open your eyes to look at our point of view?"

"I am perfectly capable of handling situations on my own."

Jasper got up off of the bed. "Alice is going to be here in two seconds, she is talking to Charlie downstairs."

Sure enough, just as he began to talk, the door creeked open. "Bella, you have to get ready to leave."

**A/N sorry, the computer was being retarded so i made this up on regular wordpad. im pretty sure the grammar suks. sorry about that.**

**Review**


	10. Set

**A/N IMPORTANT.**

**Okay, so I know that I haven't updated in a while. But I have a good excuse. I have been so busy with school. Like I barely had anytime to even read fanfictions. Or even read my books. Ask all my friends, I sure do love my books. Also, my sister just came home from surgery, and I'm trying to help out in anyway that I can.**

**And at the end of the next chapter everyone thought that Bella was going to be taken to an asylum, or the Cullens. That is not going to happen. At least not right now.**

_Jasper got up off of the bed. "Alice is going to be here in two seconds, she is talking to Charlie downstairs."_

_Sure enough, just as he began to talk, the door creaked open. "Bella, you have to get ready to leave."_

I looked at Alice sitting in the driver's seat, looking straight through the windshield. I know that doesn't sound too strange, but she had on the face she has on when she stares someone down. That glare that you have to back down from. Ever since we got in the car, she wouldn't look at me. She was being nice and cheery when she was helping me get ready for the day.

Today was Friday, the last day of school until the weekend. It was the last day of school until I have to spend 48 hours straight with someone by my side with no way out.

"Where is Edward? He's not talking to Charlie again, is he? Being late for school two days in a row …" It was unusual for Edward to not drive me to school in the morning, and this is the second morning in a row.

"Edward is not talking to Charlie. He is still at our house. Later in the day he is going to meet up with us." Alice still focused on the road in front of her. Something is going on.

I looked out the windshield and noticed something quite peculiar. "Alice, you just passed the school."

Alice sighed, and looked away from the windshield, giving me a pleading look. "That's because we are not going to school." I was about to protest, when she cut me off. "Please, Bella don't be hard. It won't be that bad."

I stared at her, blankly, even though anger surged up inside of me. _We're not going to school_! That means that we are doing something that involves me cutting. "What are we going to do? Don't lie to me, Alice. I'm not on the mood to put up with your crap."

Alice's pleading expression turned into one that corresponded with mine. The car came to an abrupt halt, even though we were in the middle of the road. It doesn't matter; this is one of the streets that people don't go drive on that often. "Bella, I don't care if Edward lets you talk to him that way, but you are _not_ talking to me that way. If you do it again, I swear to god I will make you more miserable."

"Well, I wouldn't need to talk to you that way if you stop screwing around, and start being honest!" I was getting mad at her. Deep inside of me, I knew that I shouldn't be feeling like this. I was feeling that I needed my razors. They just had to take my razors! I knew that I shouldn't have been mad at her. Back in the eleventh grade I skipped a day or two with Alice, and that too, she surprised on me.

"Don't argue with me right now, Bella. I think you have gone way too over your head in this one." She put the car in drive, and started to stroll down the street again. This time, she kept on looking over at me, expecting me to say something.

I sighed, I know I was being unfair, and I know that I wasn't going to apologize. I mean, she was the one to get me mad in the first place. "Where are we going anyways?"

Alice looked over at me, a smile playing on her lips. "What no more screaming? We're going to Port Angeles. I just thought that after a day like yesterday you might need a day off."

I stared at her, open mouthed. "Do you really think that I would want to go shopping to make me feel better?"

Alice turned towards me. "That's why we are not going shopping. We are going to the movies and then we are going out for lunch. After, Edward is going to take you to do whatever you want. He wants to apologize, and just spend time with you."

I was instantly suspicious. "What else does he want to do? I know there is something else."

Alice sighed. "He just wants to make you feel better. He missed you a lot when he left. He never meant to hurt you, and then he comes back to see your little addiction. He just wants to make you feel a little better. He wants to get into your head, and figure it out."

I gave her the all famous 'you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me' look. That look that I give her whenever she tells me that I am pretty, or that I do not need to worry about anything. "Edward has been trying to get into my mind since I first met him. I do not think that it will work to well."

"Okay, maybe I phrased that wrong. He just wants to understand why you are doing this. He was thinking last night – you know how he loved to do that – and he was thinking that it would be better to understand the circumstances first. Then he will delve into the situation from there."

He only wanted to try to get into my mind, again! Have they ever thought that I didn't want people knowing everything about me? "Why don't you guys just let me figure it all out for myself? I can't have people near me all the time. I know that was part of the agreement, but seriously! Being in the bathroom while I shower! That's just going to far."

"Says the person who inflicts danger on herself for the heck of it." Alice rolled her eyes.

"At least I wasn't in the shower with you."

It is true. Sense Alice took all the razors away yesterday; I had no way to shave. She supplied me with an endless amount of expensive hair removal cream. We got in a big argument. Me, just wanting my razors, and her, trying to prove the point that my anger was unnecessary. The thing is, that I couldn't tell her the real reason I needed my razors. I was planning on 'accidentally' cutting myself shaving. I'm not sure if she foresaw me doing that, or if she was just trying to make sure I don't go near anything sharp. Though, she did stay in the bathroom, just incase I found some way to cut myself. I tried, but it was useless, everything in there had a smooth edge.

"There was nothing in the shower that I could use, and you knew that." I just wanted to get a reaction out of her. I wanted her to scream at me, just so that I had a reason to yell back at her.

I don't know if she found out my plan or not, but she did not respond to what I had to say. Instead, she turned on the radio to an oldies station. She seemed to know the seventies music that came out of the speakers; she started to hum along with the melody.

I wasn't going to give up. I needed someway to express my anxiety. There was no way I was going to be able to cut myself, so I'll take it out on the person that made me do this. "And then you had to go so idiotic. You and everyone else just want to make me miserable don't you?"

She stopped humming, and turned to glare at me. "Bella, cut the crap, you know that none of that it true."Alice sighed, and he gaze turned pleading "Just don't be stupid today, and _try_ to enjoy yourself. We're going to see Bride Wars, the one with Anne Hathaway. If you don't mention anything, I won't mention anything."

So that is how the day went. I didn't mention anything of consequence, and neither did she. It was fun, just spending the day with Alice. We talked until the lights went out in the movie theater. The talking we did was mainly about school and hunting. The movie, which I really didn't pay attention to, got me thinking.

Things got a little bit more awkward for conversation when we got to the restaurant. It was a little early for lunch, only eleven thirty. So there was not much of a rush around and we were free to talk privately without the fear of being interrupted. There was something that I wanted to talk to Alice about.

After the waitress set down my side salad, and walked away, saying that my meal will be ready shortly, I turned towards Alice. "Alice, can I ask you a question?"

I expected Alice's eyes to flash towards the future to see what I was going to ask her, but she didn't. Instead, she leaned her head to one side and gave me a quizzical look. "You know you can ask me anything."

"But will you lie to me?" I asked as I spread my honey Dijon dressed over my salad. I just needed to truth, and I had to know if she was going to know the truth.

"I told you back in Phoenix that I would never lie to you." She reminded me. "What would you like to know?"

"I would like to know what you would do if you found out that Jasper still cuts himself. I want to try to see what Edward is thinking. I think that maybe I might need to understand where he is coming from. Maybe that would give me a better understand why he is reacting the way he is."

Alice didn't say anything for a while. I started to get worried that she took some sort of offence against my question. Just as I was about to apologize, she cut me off. "There's not need to say 'sorry', you did not upset me. The thing is, I would probably be acting like Edward is. I would be going out of my mind. Also, relative to Edward, if I was the one who took the blame –"

"Edward shouldn't take the blame. He did-" Just as I interrupted her, she interrupted me back.

"Whether you want him to or not, he does take full blame for what you are doing. Look at it this way. Do you think that if Edward never left, you would have started to cut yourself?" Alice raised an eyebrow, as if she already knew the answer.

I thought about it for minute while eating my salad. I really thought about everything that could have happened in the months that we have spent apart if we spent them together. Sure, they would have been the best months of my life, there's no doubt about that, but would I ever have gotten the need to cut myself?

I knew the answer, but I was not going to admit it to my best friend. "I wouldn't know, I haven't exactly been put in the situation. Things probably would have turned out differently."

"To answer your question I would have probably reacted the same way Edward had. I just wouldn't want to know that the person I love the most had the need to do something so drastic. I would do anything in my power to stop it. Wouldn't you?"

I could see what she was pulling. She was using reverse psychology on me, using Edward as bait. "I wouldn't freak out over something this small situation. Not knowing what I know."

Alice sighed, but stayed silent.

"It's true! Everyone is really overreacting. Jasper did it once, and he understands." If he understands so much, then why was he trying to get me to stop? Nothing with vampire ever makes much sense.

She must have been thinking the same thing I was thinking. "Jasper doesn't like you doing this. He's trying to make you see reason. You just do not understand at all, Bella."

"I think I understand well enough!"

The waitress appeared with my food then. She must have heard the last part of our conversation, sense she grabbed my salad plate, and left without a word, and in too much of a hurry.

When Alice spoke again, she sound wore out. "Bella, why don't you eat, we are obviously getting no where with this conversation."

I did as she asked. She was right; I was sick and tired of arguing with everyone. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Well, anymore today.

We weren't exactly sitting in silence, but we were sitting on eggshells. I could tell the both of us were being extremely cautious about what we were saying. Neither of us wanted to set the other one off.

When the waitress came back to clear off our table and gave us the check, there was someone standing behind her. "Why don't you let me take care of the beautiful ladies?"

The waitress stared at Edward open-mouthed. "Ahh … yeah … sure …" She flashed Edward a nervous smile. "I'll be back in a minute to pick that up for you." Poor waitress, she had almost as bad a lunch time I had.

Edward quickly filled out the sheet and stuck a credit card into the envelope. "I'm going to take Bella now, okay Alice?"

Alice smiled at me. "Sure, but next time we come out here, we are going shopping." Alice slid out of the booth, into my booth. She wrapped her tiny arms around my shoulders, and kissed my cheek. "Be good, Bella."

With that she was gone, and only Edward and I were at the table. He took Alice's spot in the booth. The waitress came back then, this time she seemed calmer. "I'll be right back with your card and receipt."

Edward smiled over at me. "How has your day been?

"It's been good. We went to see Bride Wars. The movie was funny." At least the part that I paid attention to, I decided not to add.

The waitress came back with Edward's card. "Thank you, please come back again." By the sound of her voice, Edward must have given her a pretty large tip.

As we got out of the booth, Edward looked at me with a small smile on his face. "What would you like to do this afternoon? It is entirely up to you."

I already knew what I wanted to do before he even walked in the restaurant. "How about we just walk on the beach? Maybe get our feet wet?"

"Sounds nice."

**A/N okay, so that is all I can write tonight. It is more of just a filler chapter. **

**But the next part of the day will hopefully get up by Friday. No guarantees. I have so much going on. **

**Also, I would really like it if you guys could tell me what I need to work on in my writing.**

**The next morning**

**I'm sorry i thought i posted this yesterday before i went to sleep. and then i woke up and saw that there was no reviews. i could swear to god that i posted it. ow well, i'll try again.**


	11. Neptune

**A/N sorry about the no update thing. I just had a stupid computer the last few days.**

**And this guy I have liked asked me out. So now, I have a boyfriend who is the nicest guy in the world. So I had been a little tied up. plus the change of semester in school.**

_I already knew what I wanted to do before he even walked in the restaurant. "How about we just walk on the beach? Maybe get our feet wet?"_

"_Sounds nice."_

The sound of the waves crashing down on the beach in a constant rhythm cleared my mind completely. It reminded me of the time that Renee took up meditation and made me do it with her. The sound of the water seemed to have to same effect on me. Somehow, I felt kind of like all the pressure of the atmosphere had been taken off of my shoulders.

Edward and I walked hand-in-hand, strolling nowhere in particular. It was worthless to keep my thoughts to myself for an extended amount of time. Numerous times Edward asked what was on my mind, and all I responded with was vague answers.

He could try some patience, even though it was hard for him. I was working out how much I would reveal to him. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. Of course, I couldn't tell him everything. There were still some things I had trouble working out in my own mind, never mind having someone else try to figure them out. For instance, why could they understand that I needed to use razors to feel like me? Just like my mom needs her meditation to feel like her.

After the short ride to the beach, we decided to leave our shoes in the car. Thankfully, we were the only ones not on the beach. It was only March, so it is not warm enough for the regulars to come. Also, there was a light drizzle, almost a mist, which was easy to ignore, but who likes to come to the beach and get wet?

I bent over to roll up my jeans to the knee, when I spoke. "Edward?"

Edward did the same thing to his jeans, only he managed to get both of our jeans rolled up in the time it took me to bend over. "Yes, Bella?

"Alice said that you wanted to get in my mind. She said that you wanted to understand why I am doing this." I grabbed his hand and walked to where the ocean met the sand, but did not go into the water just yet.

"That's the plan. I just do not know if it will work very well. Your mind has always reacted in peculiar ways. I just wanted to try and see if I could somehow relate to you." His eyes drifted from his mud covered feet to my face. I was shocked by what I saw there. Was he really that guilty?

"Edward, you do know that you shouldn't be feeling like this?" I asked but did not give him time to respond. "I was thinking about hat you hate me doing. It reminds me of when I was little."

"How does that remind you of when you were a child, Bella?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, letting the drizzle fall down on my face, making a thin layer of water appear over my pink cheeks. "It's hard to explain. I guess when I was little everything seemed so simple. It was the same thing everyday. I would wake up, go to school, go home, eat dinner, then go back to sleep. Of course there were different things in-between, but you get the point. It was simple to live back then, I knew what to expect from life."

He was silent for a few moments, as I let him gather his thoughts. He was a step behind me when he spoke. "How did that change?"

"I don't know, I grew up, I guess. Things get more complicated the older you get. People become more opinionated." The ocean washed up to where my feet were. The water was freezing! To get out of the ice pit, I backed up a step, lightly banging into Edward. He wrapped both of his arms around my waist, squeezing my back into his chest. "As I grew up, people started to show their true colors. Also, I became to worry about more things like college and grades and having a job or maybe a family."

"You lost me, Bella. How does any of this have to do with cutting? You are talking about how your childhood was simple, and look at the mess cutting yourself got you into." Edward squeezed me closer to his chest, holding me closer.

"No, it's not that I mean. I told you it was hard to explain. I think that best way to explain it would be the feeling. The feeling I get when do it makes everything so simple. Everything about it is so _simple_. Then you had to go and complicate things."

"How did I complicate things?" I expected Edward to sound angry or offended, but he didn't. Instead all his tone reminded me of was was when we were first getting to know each other, and he asked me questions to two days straight.

The wind hit us, tossing my hair into Edward's face, goose bumps arising on my skin. I do not think he noticed that I noticed when he took in a gust of air, to smell my hair. He moved my hair to the side, and took my hand. We walked back up to the semi-dry sand. Living in this part of Washington, I do not think the sand will ever get completely dry. "Stay right here, Bella."

I was about to ask where he was going, but he was already half-jogging, half-running (at a human pace) back to the car. He popped open the trunk and got something with a weird fluttery figure out of the trunk, and closed it. As he jogged back, I noticed the unfamiliar shape was a dark blue, almost black blanket.

He wrapped it around my shoulders and left me to adjust it to how I like it. He sat down next to me. The blanket made my goose bumps go away almost instantly. I forgot about the question he asked me as he put both of his hands on my shoulders and gently pressed down to indicate that I should sit down on the ground. The ground was not wet enough to actually soak my through my jeans. Edward put both of his hands on each of my knees. "So what is the answer to my question? How did I complicate things?"

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on my forearm. The blanket formed a tent around me. My eyes traced the lines in the sand."Edward when you came back, I was just getting in the hang of things once again. I was getting used to being on my own, and used to the heartache. I am not saying that I like it, but it was becoming normal for me. And guess, what made it possible. Me cutting! That is what helped. Edward they helped me so much, when you were away. They are still helping me. They help get rid of everything bad. Why don't you get that you overreacted?"

"I do not think that I overreacted. I would think that most other people in this world won't think that I overreacted. Bella, look me in the eye." Edward placed his hand on the back of my head, and lightly fisted my hair.

I kept my eyes away from his face. Why couldn't he see that I did not need to talk about this type of thing? That I did not want to talk about this type of thing. He needed to know that my life was my life. Breathing out in a huff, I raised my eyes to look in his. "Edward, you have to trust me when I say that I know what I am doing. I know that you do not like me doing this, and quite frankly, I don't care in this situation. You have to understand that I _need_ this to be me. I'm not going to die or anything. Trust me, Edward."

Edward moved his hand from the back of my head to my cheek. The wind made my cheeks red enough, so I did not blush. My toes scrunched sand into little toe prints. "Bella, I am sorry, but in this instance I know that I can not trust your judgment. I know that you are hurting, but there are other ways to deal with your pain."

I hugged the blanket closer to me; my hands contracting into fists, the waves weren't doing me any good anymore. "Isn't trust supposed to be the main quality of a _relationship_?" I snapped at him.

"Honesty is, and if I remember correctly, you weren't completely honest with me. You lied to me for two weeks. You hid one of your biggest secrets from me. Just try and see how this is hurting you, Bella."

My face flushed even more with anger. "I am _not_ hurting myself! I am perfectly fine with how _my_ life is right now! Why can anyone see that? I _like_ doing this!"

Edward's eyebrows creased together. "That is sick, Bella. Hurting yourself is entertaining to you. What do you like your blood? Do you like the idea of having scars on you for the rest of your life?"

"Yeah, well, you want to know what, Edward. I am not going to stop. I am never going to stop. EVER!" I got onto my knees and stuck my face right into his. I was surprised that he did not back away. "I need to do this. It makes me feel so good. So, if you can't understand that, I really do not care, because you are going to have to learn to deal with it."

I waited for him to yell back at me; to inflict some of the pain I just inflicted on him. It upset me more when he did not yell back. "Bella, I am going to take you home now. It is getting late, and I know that you still need to be home by dinner time."

He got up off of the semi-wet sand and stood up, extending me a hand. I glared at it and got up of the ground myself, and stormed off to the car.

He left the doors unlocked, so I threw open my own door, not waiting for him to open it, and threw the blanket into the back seat. Silently, he got into the driver's seat and started the car.

The first few minutes of the ride I was fuming next to Edward, and the both of us were silent. Neither of us thought to turn on the radio. The only time that I uncrossed my arms was to turn on the heat. As soon as I unlatched my arms, I saw that the heat had been on for the last few minutes, but it was still cold in the car.

Edward unclenched the steering wheel and only grasped it lightly. "Bella, you can not do this anymore. The next time you decide to harm yourself, you are going to the hospital."


	12. Euterpe

**A/N Sorry no previous chapter**

**I do not own Twilight**

The rest of the ride home was in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but it wasn't exactly comfortable either. Edward sat with both hands on the wheel, but I could see from my peripheral vision that a few times a minute he would look at me for a few seconds. All I was doing was sitting with my arms and legs tightly crossed. My lips were tightly pressed together and my eyebrows creased down. I was fuming.

The only time that I actually moved was when I put up my hair. The mist like drizzle from the beach definitely did a number on it, and it was sticking to my cheeks. Edward moved his head; trying to catch my eye the whole time I tried to brush my hair back with my fingers.

He had no such luck trying to catch my attention, when a half and hour later he pulled up in front of Charlie's house. Of course, he got out of the car before I did so he had enough time to get my door for me. He extended his pale hand to help me out but I ignored him completely. I stormed right past him, and went to the front door, grabbing the key, only to see that it was not there and that the door was already open. Edward was putting the key back under the eve as I walked through the door.

I put my school bag, which somehow found its way into Edward's Volvo, onto the kitchen table. Right next to where I placed it was a note. I recognized my dad's messy handwriting.

_Bella, _

_I went down to La Push for some afternoon fishing. You are still in school right now so I couldn't just tell you. After, going back to Billy's and watching the game with him and Jacob. I'll come pick you up if you want to come. I just don't want you to drive by yourself._

_Alice just called and asked if I would allow you to sleep over. Kids and using cell phones in school! If you do not want to come down here, I do not want you to be alone, so you are allowed to break your groundation for one night and go over the Cullens. I called Esme, and she is going to make sure that you are feed and that you are sleeping in Alice's room, and that you do not sneak out. Love you, kiddo._

_Dad_

I sighed. Tonight was going to be a long night. At least I knew that I would be sleeping in Edward's room. I turned to Edward, "When do I need to be over there?"

Edward met my gaze, his gaze was somewhat surprised. "You're not going down to La Push? I mean, I can not come with you, but I thought you might have wanted a few hours Cullen free."

I was not able to look in Edward's eyes. "I like it more with you, no matter how annoying you are."

That was the truth, I did love being with Edward, no matter how mad I am at him. It was just the sense that he was there _with_ me, but that was not the whole truth. The whole truth was that Charlie was probably going to tell Billy everything that is happening with me, and I do not think that I would be able to look him in the eye. Then again, the last time that I saw Esme and Carlisle I was screaming and yelling. So how was that any different?

Edward answered my previous question. "We should be there by dinner time. Esme is probably making you something special. You know how she loves to cook for you."

Just then the phone rang; luckily I was right next to it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bella. I see that you are coming over tonight, and that we are having a slumber party." My best friend's perky little voice came from the other side of the phone call.

"Yes, I am. Thanks for calling. But I do not think it is called a slumber party when the majority of people in the house are going to be vampires." I smiled a little at my joke, and I saw that Edward rolled his eyes a little.

"Why not? I know that I can not sleep, but I do think that we can have some fun. Or do you just want a regular night watching television or something like that?" Alice got kind of pouty at the end. Though, I was not giving up that fast.

"I just want a regular night. We already had a morning out this morning. Let's just relax a little bit." Please, please, just be okay with that.

I heard a sigh from the other end of the phone. "Sure, we can just do that. But I will try to make it somewhat fun, at least for me.

I sighed, "What is Jasper doing, if you are this bored? And why do I not hear Emmett in the background?" Usually, when she calls me the atmosphere on the other end is so much louder; thanks to Emmett trying to bug Alice while talking to me. It has become a hobby of his.

"Jasper went to Seattle with Emmett for some document reasons, which is the reason that I am calling. Do you think that you could be here around four? I am really bored. All Rosalie is doing is working in the garage, and Esme is planning what to cook for you. I think you made her day. Anyways, that leaves me bored, and nothing to do. So be here by four okay? You want to know what, make it three thirty, I have nothing to do."

The dial tone rung from the other side of the phone before I had time to respond to Alice. Wow, that girl must be really bored. I looked at the clock. It read three o'clock. I really thought we spent more time at the beach.

"Let me just put my books upstairs, and then we can head over." My book bag was not on the table, but instead it was on Edward's back.

He grabbed my hand, and led the way upstairs. "We have to be there in a half and hour, so we have sometime to relax, and you do not have to have all your homework done for more than two days."

Once inside my room Edward closed the door leaving me in-between it and him. That was not so weird. The weird thing was that he did not move away, instead he moved closer to me, so that I had to press my back right up against the door. He moved closer, pressing his lips lightly to mine.

I responded almost immediately. Both of our lips moving in perfect synchronized movement. I lost all my thoughts. I forgot that I am mad him. I forgot that I am mad at his family for doing this to me. I forgot that instead of kissing him back I should be yelling at him. Most importantly, I forgot about the razors.

One of my hands lay on his chest, and the other found its way into his bronze hair. His hands moved from the door to my waist and my face. He cupped my cheek as he brought me closer to him. He barely ever let it go this far. It was a surprise to see his guard down all of a sudden.

I unconsciously decided to push my luck, making the kiss even deeper. No such luck. I shifted to my tip-toes trying to make the kiss last as long as possible without. He turned his lips upwards. A second later, I was being squeezed to his chest, both of his arms wrapped around me.

"I'm sorry; I let that go to far." Edward's breath was a bit shallow as he tried to control it. I noticed that I was trying to do the same thing with my breath. By the sound of his voice he sounded more apologetic than he should have.

"_I'm_ not sorry." I tightened my arms around his neck and tried to bring my lips back to his. He wasn't having that. Instead, he squeezed me a little closer until he took me and extended his arms, so I was forced to stand a full arms length away from him.

"Why don't I put your stuff down? We also need to pick up a poster for our science project. Do you want to drive, or would you like me to drive?" Edward grabbed my hand after he put my bag on the floor near my black rain jacket. He dragged me right through the house, and outside.

Without waiting for my answer, he opened the driver's side door to my rusty old truck. I hopped in without taking his hand to help me. I mean, I use this truck daily. The trip to the Wal-Mart, on the outside of another town near Forks, went by nice. We did not argue once.

He opened my door for me as soon as I shut off the engine. We walked hand and hand through the store, making our way to the school supply section. I let Edward choose whatever board he would have liked. It really did not matter to me. Plus, I think he would be doing most the work on the poster, he usually tried to make it look as nice as he could. Kind of OCD.

As he grumbled about the quality of the boards, I looked around the aisle. There were so many sharp items! Scissors, letter openers, push pins, compasses, and pencil sharpeners, just to name a few. I haven't seen that many sharp items in almost forty eight hours. What I would do for just a single push pin.

Of course Edward wouldn't get them for me. I mean, he's not stupid. I couldn't buy it on my own, Edward would surely see that. Maybe I could just take this one. Maybe I could just slip a compass up my sleeve. Even though I would not be able to do any of that today, or even tonight with the way people were watching over me, I would still have it without anyone else knowing, for a later date. Edward wouldn't know; he was paying to much attention to the poster board selection.

I grabbed one of the compasses off of the shelf, making sure that nobody was looking. I slid it up my sleeve and blocked it from coming out my folding my fingers over the other side of the sleeve, and turned to Edward. He finally made a selection of a poster board. He made his way over to me.

"I finally found a half decent poster board. I swear we should have gone to –" His cell phone interrupted his complaining about Wal-Mart products. "Hello … Yes, she's right with me … No, I was just trying to find the best poster board Wal-Mart has to offer. Which I agree with you isn't that great … She was about six feet away from me, how much trouble could she get into to?" There was a long pause after that. I knew what Alice was saying to him. I knew what Alice had seen me do. When spoke again, his voice was harder. "Thanks, Alice."

My face was leaned down, towards the white tiled floor. There were little gray streaks in them, I guess they gave the tiles character, no matter how small.

The moment after I heard him close the cell phone, I felt my sleeve being ripped from my hand. My already folded fingers reflexively caught the compass, so it was still hidden up my sleeve. Gently, but firmly, he outstretched my fingers. I still tried to keep my fingers folded, even though I knew that it was extremely useless.

A second later, the compass fell to the floor, the cardboard that wrapped it making a dud thump. Edward bent down to pick it up, and he put it back on the shelf. Without saying anything, he grabbed me by my upper arm and stormed out of the aisle. The end of this aisle was basically the end of the store. There was only a wall behind me, and that wall was a wall with a lot of pencils and pens/

"Isabella, _what_ are you thinking?" His golden eyes were cold as they stared into mine. "Why would you do something like that? It is so unlike you."

I felt like I wanted to cry, and I knew that my face showed the same emotions. There was no way that I was going to let him see any weakness in me. There was no way that I was going to let him see what he was doing to me in a public place like this. It is not fair enough that I have to be like this at all. But to be like this in public is so much more humiliation.

"Are you going to answer me?" His arm that still lay on my upper arm shook me gently but firmly; my head bobbled slightly.

"I _need_ this." I knew that my emotions weren't going to get any better. I would have to settle for this. "I _need_ you to let me have that."

"Screw that answer! Tell me the truth!" Edward shook me again, this time my head bobbled slightly more. "Why in the world would you do that? And more importantly, did you honestly think that you could get away with it?"

I nodded my head. Yes, I thought I could get away with, sense I really did not count Alice into my thinking. My voice was a little harsh when I next talked to him. "Can we just please go?"

"And we are going to talk about this on the way to my house." He turned, at the same time grabbed my hand and led me through the aisles. "And we are going to talk about this when we get to my house."

"Right." I tried to make my voice sarcastic, but to tell the truth, I was scared as hell.

There was not a line – we got one of those old ladies that decided to open up her aisle at the same time that Edward had to pay – and I just stood off to the side as the customer exchange went on. Neither one of them looked at me. Edward was slightly scaring the woman with his facial expressions. I do not think that he seemed to notice.

He walked over to the passenger side of the truck, ahead of me, and opened the door. "Get in. You are not driving."

I was too scared of what he was going to dish out on me to actually do anything more than go into the seat he instructed me into. He started talking the moment the truck moved out of the parking lot.

"Of all the things, Bella! I did not think that you would stoop this low to do this. You are willing to steal to feed your little addiction. Doesn't that say anything? Huh? What are you thinking, Bella?" His breathing got heavy as he continued talking. "I want you to tell me exactly what was going through your head."

He turned on to the highway. We were not far from his house. "You never listen to me. You don't understand how much you want me to change, and how much I can't." I curled up into a little ball with my arms around my legs, and my forehead resting on my forearms. "You think that you know everything, but you don't."

"I know that you have to stop this! That's what I know." We pulled into the hidden driveway. His knuckles contracted even harder on the steering wheel. I could swear that when he let go there were hand prints. "Bella, why won't you listen to any of us?"

I shot my head up in an instant. "WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?"

He whipped his head in my direction. He did not look towards the road. "Have you thought that what you have to say on this subject is so utterly and completely wrong? Have you thought that the influence of what you are doing is clouding your mind? Have you, Bella?!"

I angrily wiped away the tears that spilled over. "I know what I am doing! I know exactly what is going on! I'm not stupid."

The truck rammed to an abrupt halt, and I noticed that we were in front of the house. Wow, I didn't even know that my truck can go that fast. A little smaller part of my brain thought to tell Edward to stop screwing with my truck behind my back.

He was already out of the door and in my door, grabbing me by the upper arm once again. I remember getting treated like this when I was a child. In the house, he halted me in the kitchen doorway.

"Esme, can you please watch Bella. I need to talk to Alice." I was surprised by the way Edward snapped at his mother. He didn't wait for an answer until he was out the front door again.

Esme gave me a smile. I do not think she knew about the thievery. But, why was she this polite after I was screaming in her presence last time. "Hello, Bella."

I voice was still hard when I responded. "Hi."

She came over to me and put her arms around me. "Things aren't to well with you, are they, honey?"

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't, I had to get away. I ran away from her. She was too stunned to react right away. I was up the stairs and up another flight of stairs. I made it into Edward's room and locked it. A second later I heard a knock on the door, followed by Esme's voice. "Bella, honey, please."

"STOP!!" I paced the room with my eyes closed. I accidentally ran right into a CD tower, knocking it to the floor. Tears streaming down my face, I kicked the CDs.

"Bella, please open the door, sweety, please." Esme's voice pleaded me from the other side of the door.

One of the CDs fell and cracked on the floor. How it cracked on the carpet, I have no idea. I grabbed one of those pieces, and didn't even worry about the clothes I was ruining. I sliced right through them.

Blood easily tore right through the cut, and dropped on the floor. And I just fell to my knees on the floor. It felt so good. This is what I was trying to save. This is what I needed.

The door banged open and suddenly I was surrounded. Carlisle was right next to me, already applying pressure to the cut. Esme left two seconds after coming into the room. Alice was there, not touching me, but kneeling right next to me. Edward was hugging me across my shoulders.

"She's going to the hospital." Edward's voice growled.

**A/N Hoped you like it.**

**Review.**


	13. Pakhet

**A/N Okay, I know I haven't updated for a while. And I know this is a stupid excuse, but I was really busy. This chapter took me three days to write. I'm not lying.**

_The door banged open and suddenly I was surrounded. Carlisle was right next to me, already applying pressure to the cut. Esme left two seconds after coming into the room. Alice was there, not touching me, but kneeling right next to me. Edward was hugging me across my shoulders._

"_She's going to the hospital." Edward's voice growled._

What I didn't notice was that I was shaking, almost as if I was cold but the room was actually a little hot. My breath was coming in short gasps and it was a surprise to see that no tears were coming down my face. When I look back, I always expected me to be crying in these kinds of situations.

The only thing I was feeling was relief. Relief that I could focus on something else. Relief that I could release some of these feelings. Relief that I finally got what I needed.

I didn't care that Edward was going to send me to the hospital. I didn't care that Edward was going to almost definitely flip out on me. I didn't care that I probably destroyed this part of the gold carpet. I feel somewhat fine now. I am fine until things get bad again.

"Alice, can you please go fetch me my bag and a towel?" Carlisle's voice was calm and collected. He was still applying pressure to my cut, which I could tell was getting better, even though only about half a minute has passed.

Alice was out of the room and back in about two point five seconds, with a towel in her hand. This time she didn't stay in the room, but she left almost immediately because the scent got too much for her. In one of my quick gasps, I took notice to the scent. It was not as bad as I remembered it to be, but it was still pretty bad.

I felt a little pressure on my forehead, and looked up to see that Edward's lips just kissed me. That was the complete opposite of what I was expecting. I was expecting him to lash out on me. Why was he acting like this?

Carlisle, wordlessly put the towel around the cut, and applied more pressure. "Do you want me to take her to the hospital now, or get this taken care of first?"

"Just get this taken care of." Edward's voice was not like his actions. Instead of being soft and caring, his voice was hard and strained. I finally lifted my head to look into his face.

His lips were pursed into a hard line, and it almost looked like he was slightly sucking his cheeks in to make his cheekbones look more prominent. His eyebrows were knitted together in the center, emphasizing the terrorized look in his eyes. I know that if he was human he would be crying.

When I spoke, my voice was extremely clear, which also surprised me. I expected it to be a whisper or broken up. "I'm fine, really. This is not really a first."

When I made a move to get up, and out of both of their grasps, Edward's hand, that was still around my shoulder, gently pulled me back to me knees. "Would you please just sit still right now, Bella? Just, please."

His voice reflected the emotions showing on his face completely. It sounds though one wrong thing that someone said could make him break. I love him, and I don't want to see him in anymore pain than he has to be in. I didn't want to make it any harder for him.

I did as I was told and just sat on the ground as the three of us waited for my cut to stop bleeding. I already got what I wanted, so I decided just to be the good little girl that they wanted me to be. Also, I did not want to see what Edward would do if I try to avoid the inevitable by trying to get out of this.

I know that I am in for it. And I'm in for it bad.

The silence grew more and more uncomfortable. At least for me it was like that. Carlisle- the only person that I would look at- looked perfectly at ease. He did not look shaken up at all. It must be all the years in the emergency room.

The second blood stopped coming out of my arm, both of the vampires that were next to me sprung into action. Edward scooped me up into his arms at the same second that Carlisle said, "Let's take her down to my office."

A second later I was in the office, and sitting on top of Carlisle's beautiful mahogany desk. Carlisle already had his bag in his hand and grabbed my wrist. "I'm just going to put some cream to help it not get infected, and wrap it up in a white bandage."

As Carlisle dug into his bag, Edward called Alice. A second later she popped up at the door. "I have extra clothes for her in my closet." Then, she was gone.

A cold gooey substance was being rubbed gently on the cut, causing it to sting a little. Not that I really minded. At vampire speed, Carlisle wrapped a stringy white bandage around the cut.

With a hard but grateful thanks to Carlisle, Edward picked me up, and a second later I was in front of Alice's and Jasper's room. After being set on my feet, Alice took my good arm and yanked me in the room, closing the door behind me.

"We have to change your clothes. It's not a good idea to go in the hospital looking like someone was murdered." She was already pulling my shirt over my head. I looked at my jeans, only seeing a few drops of blood. I knew she would want me to get rid of them anyways, so I took them off myself.

She handed me a pair of regular jeans, a simple T-shirt and a hoodie. It surprised me that she gave me such normal clothes, that I actually approved of. I quickly tugged them on. Alice told me what I was pretty much suspecting.

"I'm only letting your wear this because you're going to have to wear what the hospital gives you anyways." Alice did not look me in the eyes as she said this. I was suspecting that Edward would want me to go to the hospital, but I thought that at least someone would think it was unnecessary.

"What! Why in the world would _everyone_ agree with Edward on this one?" I snarled at her, getting angrier by the second.

Alice gave me a look that told me that the answer to what I just asked should be completely obvious. "Maybe because Edward is absolutely right in this situation."

Giving Alice on last glare, I turned around and headed for the door. Edward was waiting for me at the top of the stairs. His face was turned to the ground as he leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets. He looked up as I approached. His expression was better, more under control.

"Take me home." I demanded before I even got a few feet in front of him. His face stayed the same, almost as if he was expecting me to say what I just said.

He sighed "Carlisle and I are driving you to the hospital. You are going to stay there until Carlisle thinks fit for you to leave. He will be your doctor." He scooped me up in his arms and ran down the stairs and out into the garage, where he put me down on my feet, gently.

The car right in front of me was Carlisle's Mercedes, and the owner was already sitting in the driver's seat. Edward opened the back door, waiting for me to get in. I am not going to the hospital. "I'm not going. You can't make me! I won't cooperate."

Edward closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. I knew that I was testing his patience. When he spoke again, his voice was in breaths. "Get. In. The. Car. Bella."

"You can't make me go anywhere. I'm not going in any car. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here. AND YOU CAN NOT MAKE ME MOVE!" I crossed my arms over each other leaning them against my chest. I knew that I could not run away from him, which was a stupid idea in itself.

What surprised me was that Edward picked me up by my waist. I screamed out at him banging on his back. He tried to push me into the backseat. I kicked Carlisle's car, and punched Edward everywhere I could.

Because Edward was being so gentle with me, and he didn't want to hurt me, he was having a difficult time trying to get me into that backseat. Even when, immediately Carlisle got out of where he was sitting to help Edward in his struggle, they still had a tough time.

"Get off me! GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW!" I banged against Edward's back, kicking Carlisle at the same time. Unfortunately, Carlisle grabbed my legs, and held them together. I didn't know if the others in the house saw my little temper tantrum, and tell the truth I really do not care.

Edward managed to pin my arms to my body, and wrap his arms around. In the end Carlisle was holding my legs, and Edward was holding my torso, making me look like a worm, trying to get out of their grasps.

It was useless to fight against them anymore, but I was not going to give up. I was definitely not going to give in without a fight. They can not do this to me. It's not fair at all. They laid me across the backseat and closed the door before I could even find a way to escape out of their grasps.

Edward was already in the front seat and Carlisle was starting the engine up, and turning the heat on. It's funny how in times like this they still care about my comfort. Edward turned around in his seat to talk to me, though, Carlisle remained quiet.

"Did I hurt you?" Edward's first question startled me. The only reason it took them so long to get me in here was because they were trying their hardest to apply as little pressure as possible, and to avoid me banging my arm.

"Let me out. Get me home. I swear to god if you bring me to the hospital I will kill you. I will torture you to no end. I swear to god it will." I was not kneeling on the seat, so that my head was extremely close to Edward's face. My nails were digging into both Edward's and Carlisle's seats, making little indentations.

Edward turned to Carlisle. "I do not think we hurt her." And then he turned to me. "Bella, this will be so much easier on the both of us if you just sit down and relax."

With that he turned to the front and kept his attention there. Carlisle was speeding down the driveway, not bothering to really pay attention to the road, sense he was picking a radio station.

"Are you guys kidding me? Do you really think that this is going to prove something? Do you really think that having me in some disinfectant smelling like building is going to mean anything?" I was not screaming anymore. I was just keeping my voice at a above normal pitch.

Carlisle turned around, and looked me in the eye. He seemed extremely calm, given the present situation. "That is why you are going to be in that hospital for as long as it takes. I've seen many people in this situation before. You're not the first, Bella."

I wasn't planning to escape out of the car when I tried the door handle. It was child locked! They really child locked me in here. I thought I saw Edward roll his eyes at my reaction to trying out the door.

Seeing as there was nothing else for me to do, I just crossed my arms and leaned against the back of the seat. I'm through with trying to make them see reason. I know that is next to impossible. For the longest time they always get what they wanted. It makes them spoiled.

It seemed like no time at all before we pulled in front of the hospital. Edward and Carlisle both got out the second the engine was off and I still sat in the middle seat. Edward opened the door from his side. When I did not move, Edward grabbed me by my upper right arm and somehow slid me to the edge. He picked me up bridal style.

"Put me down." I hissed at him. I would have screamed at him, but the last thing I wanted was for me to become a public scene. He ignored me and walked me into the building. I would have guessed he would have liked to carry me longer, but when we were in-between the automatic door, Carlisle put his hand on his son's shoulder.

Edward put me down on the ground, making sure I was steady before he took my upper right arm and strode forward to the empty emergency room desk. Carlisle was right on his other side.

"We would like to check a patient in, Debbie." The woman in back of the desk looked a little looked taken aback.

Though, she looked even more taken aback by my response. "No, we do _not_ want to check a patient in."

**A/N Okay, I know that is more of a filler, but I really had to be done. I hoped you liked it. Also, if someone wants to tell me what a regular hospital procedure for this. I would greatly appreciate it.**

**Review. **


	14. Zeus

**A/N Okay, you guys have been completely amazing. And I feel like such a jerk for not writing. I have been writing this chapter for the last four days. I am so sorry. I have been really busy that I couldn't take time for you guys. Sorry sorry sorry. Please please please tell me that you forgive me.**

**I do not own Twilight. But I do own Dr. Marshall. I love her, somehow.**

"_We would like to check a patient in, Debbie." The woman in back of the desk looked a little looked taken aback._

_Though, she looked even more taken aback by my response. "No, we do __not__ want to check a patient in."_

Edward was made to stay in the waiting room, while Carlisle and the nurse, Debbie, escorted me into an examination room. This was the examination room that I have never been in. All the drawers were locked. The counters, which were usually filled with a lot of different examination utensils, were completely bare.

Once we got to the door, the nurse turned to Carlisle. She has a smile on her face that was a lot more than pleasant. "It's your day off. Do you want me to get Doctor Snow to come in here and take care of her?"

Carlisle shook his head, making his blonde hair shuffle around his head. "No, I'm going to be working today. I promised her that I would take care of her."

Without another word, the nurse swept her little behind of the room. She closed the door soundlessly behind her. I stood in front of the ugly orange bed that they made you lie on, but there is always a thin piece of paper in between the patient and the bed. I gave Carlisle a bored look. Like one of those types of looks when someone asks you the same question day after day.

Carlisle swept one hand toward the bed, indicating that I have to get up there. When I did not move, all he did was sigh and, thankfully, made no move to lift me up there himself. I do not know what he was waiting for me to do, but he stared at me for about ten seconds, with no particular expression on his face. He looked at me almost like he was bored.

When he figured out that I was not going to cooperate with him even if he acted like he had all day, he spoke. "This act you are putting up will not get you anywhere, Bella. I'm sorry, but if you want to get out of here you will have to listen to me."

A thought came into my head. It was a thought that could definitely get me out of here in a matter of minutes. "I'm eighteen! I am an adult. I can do whatever I want. You can not make me stay here."

Not wanting to put up with any of his crap, I turned towards the door and started to it. The only problem was, when I passed Carlisle, he grabbed me from around the waist and a second later I was lying down on that crinkly paper. His hands were clasping my wrists to the mat type bed that the crinkly paper did not cover.

"Technically Bella, we are allowed to keep you here for the next seventy two hours as long as a psychologist recommends it. Then, if you still do not agree to treatment within that time period we are allowed to keep you for another two weeks. Above that, you can still be kept for basically the rest of your life if you do not agree to treatment when it gets taken to court." Carlisle did not say his little textbook speech as a threat but more as an explanation. I knew that the last thing he wanted to do in this type of situation is to hurt my feelings. Carlisle is essentially a kind person, and I know that he did care for me a lot.

I shut my eyes as soon as I felt tears start to appear, the last thing I wanted was to show any sign of weakness. I needed to get of here. I needed a razor. I just really needed to have this feeling go away. The only thing I knew that could help me would have to be the razors. When no one was there for me, they were.

My breathing became more rapid as I thought about how much I needed to get out of there and find my little instruments that give me joy. Carlisle must have noticed because he removed his hands from wrists and placed them on my shoulders. He sat me up and pushed both of my legs over the edge.

"Breathe, Bella. Take deep calming breaths. In and out." He started to breathe like a woman in labor. In and out. I mimicked him, without the unnecessary noises he decided to add. What freaked me out the most was the concern in his eyes. He did not even look this concerned when Jasper tried to attack me on my birthday. Of course, back then he knew that he could fix it.

When my breathing became more even, though it was still shallow, he took his hands off of my shoulders. "Bella, before I check out your arms, I am going to get a psychologist in here. She needs to see you before I do anything."

I didn't look at him. I just had a panic attack right in front of him, and he thought it was because I was scared or nervous. And then, he had to see me like that. He had to see me loose control. "I don't need to see anyone. Please, Carlisle, just let me go home."

I felt a hand on the back of my head. Suddenly, for the first time, Carlisle kissed my forehead. "Bella, I swear to God I would not be doing this if I did not think that it is absolutely necessary."

He smoothed out my hair and turned away. There was a tan phone right near the door that he picked up. He dialed the couple of numbers, and put the receiver to his ear. "Hello … can I please have a psychologist down in room A227 … This is Dr. Cullen …" He sighed, "Yes, I aware that today is my day off … Yes, I am aware I am not going to get paid for this … Can you please just get a psychologist down here? … Five minutes is fine … Thanks."

Carlisle turned around to face me. "Bella, a psychologist is going to be down here in a few minutes, but right now I need you to get changed."

"What do I have to get changed into? I didn't bring anything with me. If you remember, we left in kind of a rush." My voice was back to its monotone sarcastic tone.

Instead of answering me, he walked to one of the cabinets that were under the weird mat type mattress. Getting down on one knee, he stuck a hand into his pocket and pulled out a ring of about fifteen keys. He grabbed a silver key with a 0 on it and put it into the lock above the cabinet. When he opened it, he pulled out a light blue shirt and light blue pants.

With a sad smile, Carlisle explained what he was holding. "These are what you are going to be wearing for the time you stay here. You will be supplied with plain white cotton slippers. Now, why don't you get changed? I'm not allowed to leave the room, but I will turn around."

With that said, he threw the clothes next to me, and turned around. I stared at his back for a few seconds, not really fully comfortable with even stripping down to my underwear in the same room with any guy.

Seeing as I really had no choice, I stripped my clothes and put on the clothes that were provided to me. The reminded me of the clothes that nurses wear, scrubs, but they were thinner and had no strings or pockets. The hospital itself was cold, and I guess they were going to take my shoes away from me, so my feet were going to be cold.

Carlisle turned around before I even told him it was alright. It was kind of disturbing to know that he was hearing me get changed. "Okay, you know that the psychologist is going to come here and question you on subjects that may be hard to talk about?"

"I never actually agreed to talk to the psychologist." I gave him a bored look, though in the inside I was truly steaming. What was I going to talk about? My feelings? I do not have any overbearing feelings that I can not handle. I handle them just fine.

"You really do not have a choice in the matter. I'm sorry, Bella." He started towards the door a second before there was knock on the door. A chubby black lady in her forties entered. She had on six rings that looked too small for her fingers, and was wearing a spring scarf with flowers on it. The suit she was wearing was being strained around the button. She was the type of woman that you would expect to be a teacher and for the student to make fun of endlessly.

"Hello, I am Doctor Marshall." She smiled and walked towards me with one of her hands, welcoming me to shake it.

Should I give her what she wants if she will probably make me stay here, because of the Cullen's influences? Will it make me look psychotic if I did not shake her hand? I shook her hand, but did not return her smile. There, nothing she can analyze from that.

She turned to Carlisle and smiled at him. "Why did you want me to see Isabella?"

Great, they were talking about me like I was not here. I know I should've said something, but I was not about to give anything for her to psychoanalyze.

"Bella, here, has been cutting her wrists for a few months. By the look of the scars, I would have to say from at least late November to early December. It is hard to tell with these kinds of things. She fails to see anything wrong and thinks she can handle it, when circumstances have arisen that proved her wrong."

What circumstances? I can handle it! I have been handling it for months. Should I say something to set Dr. Marshall right? Would it be worth it? Would it be worth it if I did not? I put on my best smile. "I am perfectly able to take care of myself, Dr. Marshall. Please do not think I can not handle these kinds of situations. I know what I am doing, and I am perfectly safe while doing it."

Marshall looked at me for a few seconds. It was strange how she looked at me. It was like she was trying to see the real me, similar to the way Edward looks at me when he tries to look into my silent mind. When she let up with her gazing, she gave me a small smile. "Are you of age, Isabella?"

"Yes, I have been eighteen for more than six months now." Maybe she did not know of the law that Carlisle told me about. The one where if a psychologist recommends you stay in the hospital, they can keep you.

"Isabella, I can tell right now that you will need my help. You are failing to see the danger from the situation. I would like to talk to you and then I'll make my final decision, if that's alright with you?" She had a phony smile pasted on her face. And I could tell that they would still keep me even if it was not alright with me.

She was waiting for my answer. I could tell that. Am I supposed to say that it was alright with me? Because it definitely was not alright with me. I just got Edward back and now they are locking me up here. Why don't they just lock me up in the loony bin? Best stay quiet and act like the question she asked me was rhetorical.

A few moments, until she decided that I was not going to give an answer, she turned to Carlisle. "You already knew she was going to have to stay here for a few days? I'm confused, how much do you know about Isabella?"

"_Bella_ is my son's girlfriend and my daughter's best friend. She also has a great relationship with the rest of my family. I had a talk with Bella's father and he said that if I think it is absolutely necessary for her to get better, I would bring her in. I do not think I saw the extremity of the situation until she cut herself with a CD."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Do you mind if I talk to Isabella now?" She patted his shoulder and escorted him to the door.

He looked back at me with desperate apparent in his eyes. What came out of his mouth next surprised me. I was expecting some sort of apology, but it wasn't even directed to me. At least it did give me a smile. "She does not like to be called Isabella. Please call her Bella."

The psychologist closed the door in his face. She turned her back towards the door and gave me a small smile. "I do not understand him. He has all the nurses falling at his feet, but he always chooses to ignore it. He doesn't even get a little soaked up in the attention."

I could tell that she was trying to make small talk. Though, it was not going to well for her. That was just not something I needed to know about Carlisle. I just stared at her. Well, here we go. I'm going to have to talk to a psychologist who thinks she knows so much about me. She thinks she know what I went through we Edward left. She thinks she knows what it's like to be in love the way I am in love. Well, here we go to fond out what it is like to have someone dive into your life and thinks they understand it all.

"Why aren't you talking, Isabella?" She sat down in one of the chairs that were by the window. "Is there any way I can make you more comfortable? I understand how scared you must be."

"Yeah … umm …. Actually, I liked to be called Bella, not Isabella." I requested.

She gave me this small smile. Her red lipstick was not even spread evenly on her lips. "I'm sorry; I can not call you Bella."

I gave her a confused look. "Why not?" It is kind of simple to call someone their name.

"If you do not respect yourself, how can you think anyone else will respect you? Hurting yourself under any circumstance is disrespectful, unless it is a life or death situation." She picked up a file I didn't even notice she had. "You have had quite a few trips to the emergency room. Please tell me the truth, Isabella, are you being abused by your boyfriend or parents?"

I restrained from rolling my eyes. "No, I don't. I just fall a lot. If you don't believe me, you can ask Carlisle." Then a thought hit me. "And I do respect myself. Cutting myself is a way to tell myself that I do respect myself."

Dr. Marshall looked me in the eye; a mask seemed to take the place of the smile. "Then, why don't you, well I don't know, masturbate? That is welcomed in society in more than cutting. It is also a way to make yourself feel good, it is easier to hide, and people understand it more if you want to talk about it."

What am I supposed to do? Tell this woman that I masturbate? That would be plain stupid and unnecessary. I know that she is saying that there are other reasons I cut myself than just to make myself feel good. That is mainly the reason though.

"I cut myself because it helps me stay me. A few months ago I was really depressed. It helped me stay myself and not go deeper into the depression. I haven't made a mistake yet. And I am an expert at doing it right. I'm perfectly fine with how I am now, Dr. Marshall. I am perfectly happy."

"If you are perfectly happy, then why do you need to use – what do you use, Isabella?" She asked me. Why the hell did she need to know that? Well, at least she can not think I am weird from what I use. Razors are completely normal.

When I told her what I used, she reached into the file and pulled out a piece of paper. She went into her alligator styled purse and pulled out a pen. Eh! She's going to start to take notes. "Why did you use a CD, like Dr. Cullen said you did, Isabella?"

Geez! Not even my mom calls me Isabella. She has to stop that before it drives me mad. I need to calm down. I really need a razor. If I can just get my hand one of those, I will be alright. "They took away my razors. They thought it would be a good idea if I can not make myself feel good. They thought that they were doing the right thing."

"So you agree that you need razors to make yourself feel good?" She looked me in the eye. "Do you need razors to make you feel like everything is okay, Isabella?"

I thought about what she said for a moment. "I need them to make me feel like myself. They distract me from the rest of the world. They make me feel better that way."

"So, Isabella, what you are basically saying is that when things get to tough for you, you cut yourself for an escape. Is that correct?" She put her pen down and looked up at me, her crooked eyebrows raised.

"I – I don't know. Maybe? No. Do you know how some people vent to people to make them feel better? Well, I did not have anyone I could truly vent to, so sort of vented to myself. Does that make any sense?" I asked her more as a rhetorical question than anything else.

"Not really." She jotted down a note on her paper. "Dr. Cullen and his family left, and came back. That is what caused your depression, correct?" I was about to respond, but she never gave me the chance. "And then you cut yourself as a way to get out suppressed emotions. But they are back now, why do you keep doing it? Shouldn't you be fine now, Isabella?"

"I told you, it is the perfect way to get me to be myself again." I thought about it for another moment. "There are also things that I need to keep to myself and can not tell my boyfriend. That's what I go to. I do not see what is wrong with that."

Dr. Marshall was quiet for a few moments. "I'm going to phone Carlisle down here."

Dr. Marshall got up off of the chair and picked up the phone. One of her chubby fingers that held the too small rings pressed one of the buttons off to the side. Dr. Marshall's voice came out of her mouth, into the phone, and out of the intercom. "Can I please have Dr. Cullen to room A227. Dr. Cullen to room A227."

A second later, Carlisle walked through the door. "I was just waiting outside. It is my day off after all."

Dr. Marshall looked at Carlisle. "I have decided that Isabella is going to be staying here. If she does not agree to treatment in the next seventy two hours, than we will keep her for another two weeks, and see what to do from there."

**A/N Okay. That's all until next time.**


	15. Mut

**A/N Guess who does not own twilight? Me.**

**Stay with me. I'm so confused in life right now.**

_A second later, Carlisle walked through the door. "I was just waiting outside. It is my day off after all."_

_Dr. Marshall looked at Carlisle. "I have decided that Isabella is going to be staying here. If she does not agree to treatment in the next seventy two hours, than we will keep her for another two weeks, and see what to do from there."_

Carlisle looked at me for a few seconds before any of us said anything. I didn't know if I was mad at him. I do not think that I could be mad at him if I really wanted to. Sure I was a little miffed at him, but I wasn't extremely angry. I think I am madder at Edward than I am at him, and I love Edward more than I love him.

"Bella, this will help you, if you let it help you. Won't you just trust me on that? I know that you do not trust me as much as you did before. But, please, Bella, this will help you."

Carlisle was sincere in the words that he spoke. I knew that he was saying what he thought was the truth, but I do not think it was the truth.

"I don't want to stay here. I don't want to be away from everyone, Carlisle. I just got Edward back. Please, isn't there anything you can do?" I begged him. My bottom was getting cold because I was sitting in the cold psychotic's room for to long, and the clothes that they put me did not seem like enough to keep me warm.

"I'm going to take you upstairs. Edward already left. He was not allowed to stay sense you are going to be staying here and the visitor's hours for the night have already passed." Carlisle opened the door and held it open for me.

I got up off of the hard mattress and my feet met with the cold floor. "What's upstairs? Is that like the built in asylum?"

"It is not exactly that. There are people there from all over the county. I know of at least one boy who also cuts himself. I'll make sure that you two get most of your daily activities together."

It was embarrassing to walk across the waiting room in the clothes that I was wearing. But, even worse than that, it was worse to walk across the waiting room, knowing that people could see my scars. I folded my arms across my chest and made sure that the cuts were facing the inside. People still stared.

This angered me. I was not participating in any activities that these people have made up. They were going to try and get in my head. It wasn't even a safe place for me to be half the time. Plus, I had too many secrets to keep.

We got into the elevator, and Carlisle pressed the third floor button. "I'm also going to be your check up doctor every two days. I can not be your psychologist though. I'm only thirty-three; I can not have that many degrees."

He smiled in spite of himself, knowing full well that he probably had two psychology degrees, and a psychiatry degree. I wanted to shove that smile back where it came from.

I know that I wouldn't be able to sneak out of here. That much was certain. I also knew that I wouldn't be able to pretend to get better. When I thought about how much at a disadvantage I was at, my breathing started to accelerate. My hands started to twitch as though I was in need of something to put in them to help reduce the pain. Something sharp.

The smell of the disinfectant and the bleach made breathing even tougher for me. I hope that it gets better once I am in my room. Would I have a roommate? Would Edward be able to come in here every night to sleep next to me?

Carlisle must have been listening to my heartbeat, because he looked towards me and shook me gently. "Bella, calm down. You have to stay calm."

"I have to get out of here. That's what I have to do." I declared from in-between my teeth, glaring at him.

He did not reply to my statement. Maybe he was getting bored with my 'rebellion'. Or maybe he was getting aggravated.

When the doors opened, we walked down two different hallways, both having that unwelcomed disinfectant smell that I have to grow accustomed to every time I visit here. Nurses that we passed greeted Carlisle as we passed him, all of them in a flirtatious manner.

We stopped at the nurses' station. One of the nurses there who did not look familiar to me looked up at Carlisle. She looked to be in her late twenties to her early forties. If anything she looked like she belonged on House than in the county hospital. "Can I help you with something, Dr. Cullen?"

"You should already have Ms. Swan's file up here. She needs a room, and I am going to set up her schedule. I already know all of the procedures so you do not have to go over them with me. I will also direct her to her room. Her dad should be here in about an hour to fill out some paperwork." Carlisle's tone was demanding though it did have a soft edge. This was the first nurse I've seen today that didn't fall at Carlisle's feet.

"Sure. Just give me a minute to see what room is open." The nurse, who's nametag said 'Ashley' began clicking around on the computer.

"Rooms F21, F26, F24, and F25, all do not have a roommate. Does she need her own room?" Great, why do people always talk about me as though I am not here?

"No, it would be better if she was with someone. Isn't Ms. Dawson in room R26?" Carlisle asked the nurse, though I am pretty sure he already knew the answer to his own question.

"Yes, though she is being released in a couple days, thankfully. That girl has been here awhile. Do you want me to put Ms. Swan with her?" She looked at Carlisle, her expression business-like,

"Would you do that, please? Let her off of all activities for the rest of tonight. She has had a hard enough day as it is." Carlisle turned to me. "Bella, you will be rooming with Angelica. Dawson. I can not tell you why she is here, but I think you two will get along great for the rest of the time she is here."

The nurse did not turn to gaze at Carlisle again as he made his way down the hallway, back the way we came, with me on his side. The rest of the day you will not have to take part in any activities. Tomorrow morning you will be given a schedule with what you are going to be doing everyday."

He took a right into a hospital room. This room was a little bit different than what I was used to. I was used to decorations and flowers, or even a window. This one had none of those. This one was closed in, with no window. It had no decorations on the wall, no television, no clock, and no lamps. This looked more like a room in an asylum than a room in a hospital.

I turned to Carlisle in complete outrage. What are they trying to do with me? Send me to jail, because that is what it seems like they were trying to do. Just as I opened my mouth there was a stir from one of the beds. I whipped my head around; not expecting anyone would be in here, even though I knew I had a roommate. The blanket shifted to uncover a girl around my age, maybe a year or two younger.

"Angelica," Carlisle spoke to her in a calm, even voice. "I would like to introduce you to your roommate. This is Bella Swan. She will probably be staying here for at least the rest of your stay."

The girl had long blonde hair that reached her waist but there was no shine to it, and green eyes that had just the same amount of shine as her hair. She looked like she could be a supermodel if she wasn't so skinny. I could tell immediately that she was many pounds underweight and she was here for an eating disorder. This is the psych ward after all.

She did not return a smile that I gave her, or even look like she was meeting someone new. Instead, she just nodded her head in my direction, and got off of the bed. Now that I could see what she was wearing just fine, I swallowed hard. A shirt that would be too small for me was too big for her, even though she looked at least five inches taller than me. I thought that they made you wear their own clothes in this place.

She did not look at me while she passed us and left the room. She kept her head up and her mouth was pressed tight. I wonder what her problem with me is. I heard Carlisle sigh from beside me.

"She'll come around. She's been in here for about a month and has made a few friends. Though, I would be careful about what you tell her, she can twist things around." Carlisle put a hand on my back and led me to the bed that was further away. "This will be where you sleep. Other than that you will spend most of your time in activities. The main reason that Angelica just left is she knows that she is not supposed to be in here."

"She's anorexic, isn't she?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with pity for the girl, someone that pretty should not have to deal with that much pain. She was not vampire pretty, but she was defiantly beautiful for a human.

"I am not allowed to tell you anything about that, Bella." Carlisle explained. "You can do whatever you want in this part of the building for the next two hours, and then it is bed time. Lights go out at ten. Tomorrow, you will begin your activities. During breakfast tomorrow, you will be giving your schedule and some of the things you will need here. Alice is now at your father's house collecting the things you need."

"You have to go now, don't you?" I asked him, even though I was sure I already knew the answer because he was etching his way out of there.

"I have to write up a file for your exam that I gave you, and it has to be done before Alice gets here." Carlisle winked at me. He never gave me an examination. I'm sure he already knew everything he needed to know, though. He stopped at the door and turned around to face me. "Bella, please try to, at the very least, keep an open mind. You never know, you might find what you learn to actually affect your view of things."

Keep an open mind? I could do that, couldn't I? If it meant that much to Carlisle, Edward and the rest of his family, couldn't I at least do that? Carlisle was waiting for a response, so I slowly nodded.

He gracefully swept out of the room with a small smile direct towards me. As he left the room, I felt a damper of loneliness wipe over me. They left me here all alone. This is not fair. Not at all.

I was surprised that I did not find anger well up in me, or even disappointment. Instead, I felt loneliness and abandonment. None of my friends were here. Everything that was in my room before was not here. I was probably not going to be able to go to sleep tonight without my love at my side.

As I lay back on my bed, my head hit some soft object. Slippers were on my pillow, along with a toothbrush, toothpaste, and an extra blanket. That's all they are going to give me? Damn, can't they see that I do not even want to be here!

I picked up my toothpaste and threw it against the wall with all the strength I had. Moving my muscles so fast made my new cut sear. It was not the pain I liked. I liked the pain when I want the pain. This is just distracting though.

I couldn't even run away from any of this. There was no way that I could get out of this. People were always around, just like in the books. They will try to get into my mind. They will try to find out every single part of my life. Parts that I can not tell them. Edward and his family know the risks of this. Of course, I would not tell anyone. It just isn't something I would do.

Before my mind could go anymore out of control, Angelica walked back into the room. It surprised me when she gave me a timid smile. "Bella, right?"

I scrunched up my eyebrows in confusion. Not ten minutes ago did she act rude to me; maybe mood swings came with her condition. "Yes, I'm Bella." She's not getting more than that from me.

"I'm sorry about before. It's just if I did not get out of there soon Dr. Cullen would get mad at me. That's the last thing I need right now. Especially when I want him to like me so badly." She smiled. Ugh! "He is a cute doctor, isn't he?"

I ignored her comment. "I'm dating his son so I do not think it would be appropriate of me to comment on that."

Her smile faded a little and she changed the subject, probably to embarrassed to continue her flirt show "So what are you in here for?"

"Umm." Is this like protocol stuff? Am I supposed to tell her what I am in for? She's going to find out soon because of my arms, which were presently crossed across my chest. I flipped my arm over so she could see that cut marks. A bandage was taped over a portion over my arm, but the other cuts were still visible.

"Oh, you're like Casey. He cuts too. The moodiest guy I think I have ever met." She chuckled lightly to herself. "And of course you're probably wondering why I am here. Though, it should be kind of obvious."

"You have an eating disorder. Is that correct?" It was obvious, especially if she said it was obvious.

"Yes, I do. They're moving me to a real asylum in a few days too." Why was she being so open? Is everything so open here, or is she just this open? Would she expect me to be open like her?

I decided against talking at all. In the last few days, I basically figured out when to stay quiet and when to open your mouth. I just raised my eyebrows really quick as if to say 'really'.

Before she could say whatever she was about to say, there was a knock on the door. A boy about two years older than me knocked on the door. "Hey, people are looking for you, Angelica. You're supposed to be in group. She's getting mad."

She rolled her eyes and without another word, strolled out the door. The guy then turned to me. He had an emo type of look. He wore eyeliner thicker than even Lauren does. **(Pic in Profile)** "I'm Casey, are you new?"

"Bella." I gave him a small smile. Something told me that this boy didn't like putting up with people.

**A/N Okay, so I need ideas, I need something to tick her off so bad that she thinks really hard about what she is doing so she changes her mind about cutting.**

**Also, I need you guys to hang in there with me. It took me four days. All of my spare time to write this. Things are just really hectic right now. I know some of you know what that feels like.**

**And I have writers block, so I need an idea to get me through that. And do not forget to look in profile for pic of Casey. He's just developing into a person for me.**

**If you still love me, Review.**


	16. Bat

**A/N "Iknow. The whole io need to update. But it took me like 5 days to do this. Im sorry. But im writing whenever I have the chance. And now I have to do a history project and an English essay. Im sorry, but it might take me a while. I really want to do well in school.**

**The names of the chapters are the names of ancient gods that I see fit. You guys may not be able to see it fit though. Sorry about that**

**I do not own Twilight. But I want to own Jasper.**

She rolled her eyes and without another word, strolled out the door. The guy then turned to me. He had an emo type of look. He wore eyeliner thicker than even Lauren does. **(Pic in Profile)** "I'm Casey, are you new?"

"Bella." I gave him a small smile. Something told me that this boy didn't like putting up with people.

I did not do much that night except for sitting around and thinking. I could not even think to anyone else. I had to think inside my brain and it was not pretty in there. My hands were itching to have something sharp in them. There was not anything around that I could use.

All there was in this room was a two bed sets, two bedside tables, two bureaus, and a light switch. There is nothing in here that I can use to cut myself. I know that was the use of this place. It was completely baby-safe. God, it was even psycho-safe.

I laid down on the bad that did not belong to Angelica. I kind of deduced that it was mine, and the sheets were freshly cleaned too. How often do they clean them here? I clean mine every week at home, I can not stand it if it goes unwashed for more than a week. I stared up at the ceiling and thought of what might happen here.

Casey left with no more chatter. Something about the boy interested me, and I have no idea what it is. It's like I can see something in him that I can see in myself. Something, that maybe, I do not want to relate too. The look in his eyes, it was enough to give me jitters. Now I just wanted to figure out why I got jitters.

Just before ten, Angelica came back into the room. This time she was not wearing her large T- shirt, but a tank top and short shorts. She was ready to go to sleep. I looked at her, waiting for her to say something.

"You have to get ready for bed. It's 9:50." She explained. "Why anyone would go to sleep at this hour when they can stay up later, I have no idea."

As I lifted myself off of my bed, blood rushing to my head. "Why don't you stay up later though? And can you tell me where do you get the pajamas?"

She gave me a small smile. "It is part of my plan that I get to wear whatever I want. What you are wearing is what you sleep in." She smiled wryly at me. "Oh, and I wouldn't suggest you stay up. They'll come around at ten-thirty with meds to put you to sleep. It's not the most pleasant feeling. Though, it is very easy to fake sleeping."

"Thanks." I strolled out of the room after grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste, only to turn around again. "Where's the bathroom so I can get changed?"

"You didn't get a tour of this place? Dr. Cullen should have done it." When I shook my head to give a negative answer, she continued. "It is all the way down this hallway, the last door on the left. Oh, and you can not take showers until the morning."

I nodded. It really did not matter to me if I was going to take a shower today or tomorrow, I only want to get one in. I walked out of the room, and her directions led me to the bathrooms.

No one was in the bathroom when I got there. They were all probably in their rooms, sense I was running a little late. There were stalls like the ones that I see in locker room. They had curtains on them, big yellow curtains. The toilets were regular toilets that can be seen anywhere. The thing that scared me was that everyone would be able to see me shower. It was like a jail in here. There were not any stalls, just regular showers.

Okay, I will worry about that tomorrow. I will put off all that extra stress until I actually have to deal with it. That seems like the best way to deal with it. I huffed a little, and moved to the bathroom stall. The curtain did not even close all the way. Good thing, by some miracle that there was no one in here.

After I was done in there, and thankfully, they let you flush your own toilet, I walked out again. This time I was surprised to see someone there, glaring at me with her hands on her hips. I could tell that she was a nurse, sense she was wearing Winnie the Pooh scrubs.

"What are you doing in here? You're not supposed to be in here without checking with one of us first, you know that." She raised an eyebrow at me, obviously waiting for an explanation.

"I did not know. I just came here a few hours ago. I'm sorry." I was frozen still. The last thing I wanted was for someone to hate me on my first day here. Something told me that I would be here for a while.

Her face instantly eased. "Oh, darling, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. Just make sure that you get someone to monitor you for now on. It's the rules. If you get caught, there will be consequences." She did not say it to me as a threat, but rather as a teacher giving a lesson to a student.

I nodded, and walked to one of the sinks, and started to brush my teeth. I ignored the lady as I brushed. She did not seem very interested as I watched her in the mirror. She looked to the showers with a bored face.

When I put away my stuff, she turned to me again. "Just go back to your room. We'll wake you up at seven." She opened the door for me, and I walked through it. I did not say thank you or anything. The less I had with the people in here, the better.

I walked back to my room to see that the light was already out. It must be minutes to ten. How am I supposed to go by a schedule without a clock? I could see that Angelica was already asleep. She must be serious about those sleeping pills. No way was I going to get any of those. Then again, I do not think that I would get any sleep tonight. It should be easy to fake though.

I got right into bed, but just as I expected, I did not get my lazy eyes and fall asleep. They stayed open, staring straight at the ceiling. My mind began to wonder to things that I should not be thinking about in a place like this. My fingers started to just massage my arm.

Why did Edward lock me up here? He just came back, and this is what he does? He is not playing fair. I can't do this. I can _not_ do this!

What surprised me he most was that I did not hear the nurses come in and check to see if we were already asleep, because I was already asleep. As I was already asleep, I was surprised when I woke up that night to find that all of the lights were off, and the only sound was a light buzz from an electrical appliance and my roommate's breathing. I'm sure that some of the nurses were awake but they were not walking about, because no one was making any noise.

I had trouble deciding whether to get out of bed, or stay where I was – under the thin stale blanket, which was nothing like my quilt at home. I chose to get up, I was too fidgety to stay where I was.

Trying no to bother my roommate, I walked to the doorway, slipping into my slippers along the way. No one was in hallway, so it surprised me that I was hearing voices. One of them very familiar, the other I heard last night for the first time. They sounded like they were arguing with each other.

I trotted closer, knowing that Carlisle could hear my footsteps. I had no idea why he did not speak up and rat me out. I peered around the corner to see Casey in a room, but what the room was for? I did not know. At least at that time.

"Casey, you're endangering your life by doing this. Why can't you understand that?" Carlisle's voice rang from the room. He did not sound mad exactly. More like he had a hard glaze over his voice. I moved so my back was now pressed against the wall, so I could not see inside, and they could not see me.

"I know that this constitutes a risk. Anyways, don't you think that I want to stop, but I just can't? I want to be… be _normal_ again, Dr. Cullen." His voice did not have the sneering in it that it did when he was talking to Angelica. Instead, he sounded like he was begging Carlisle to help him live.

"Casey, listen to me. It's not too late. The nurses, doctors and I are doing everything we can to try and help you, but you have to meet us half way. You have to let others take a little control. You have to find another way to let out these feelings." Carlisle's voice was not the doctor voice, but the voice one when a teacher gives instructions to little kids. It is the kind where you say most of the words individually.

All the sound was similar to when I woke up. The only sound that I could hear was my some hum from the electrical appliance, but this time the breathing was mine. I looked around the hallway, and noticed that right next to me was a laundry cart. It dawned on me that I could get caught any moment, so I decided to crouch behind it.

So small that I couldn't even hear it, Casey's voice rang out from behind the cart. "I really am trying. It's just so hard, Dr. Cullen. Please trust me when I say that I regret, with everything I have, starting this."

"I know Casey. Trust me, I know. Why don't you go back to sleep? And try not to get in much trouble. You're going to wake up again in two hours."

It was five in the morning. I would not have guessed that. Why is it this dark at five? Now that I thought about it, I didn't even know the time the hospital was really active. I heard footsteps go the other way.

"Bella? Why don't you come in here really quick?" Carlisle said.

I took a deep breath. I should have gone back while I had the chance. I turned the corner. "Hi."

"Good morning, Bella. I just came here with Alice to drop off some of your stuff. She's not allowed up here now. The nurses are checking your stuff out." He smiled at me, and his eyes became even softer, if that was possible. "Casey is having trouble here. But he's on the right track."

**A/N Just a filler I know.**

**Review.**


	17. Hephaestus

**A/N I have decided to make this story into two parts. Part one would be the story until she finds out that what she is doing is wrong and that she needs to stop. Part 2 will be the part where Bella works and struggles to get better. Now, you all know that is going to happen, so please don't BS to me and say, "I can't believe you told us what is going to happen." So, the thing is, I want you guys to tell me is, do you want me to make one part this story and one part another story or do you want me to make it about a 30-40 chapter story? The choice is yours and I will just rally it up and do the most popular vote.**

I took a deep breath. I should have gone back while I had the chance. I turned the corner. "Hi."

"Good morning, Bella. I just came here with Alice to drop off some of your stuff. She's not allowed up here now. The nurses are checking your stuff out." He smiled at me, and his eyes became even softer, if that was possible. "Casey is having trouble here. But he's on the right track."

I did not sleep for the rest of the morning. I had some trouble trying to figure out what exactly Casey was begging Carlisle to help him stop, but I had some ideas. Back in Phoenix the kids who looked like Casey would usually engage themselves in life the threatening situations. For example, anorexia, cutting, or where you press down on a sensitive spot and it knocks you out. He could need help with any of these, they were all addicting and he could die from any of them.

Someone came into the room, and knocked softly of the door. I turned my head to see a nurse in dark blue scrubs. She was the kind of lady that was big, and thought she was beautiful. But really, drawing on your own eyebrows, and using the cheapest hair dye that made your hair an unnatural blonde is _not_ attractive.

"Time to get up, ladies." As quick as she entered the room, she disappeared from it. Her hefty footsteps could be heard as she tramped down the hallway.

Angelica – who was sound asleep – turned over, but made no move to get up. Not knowing if I should get up, like I was told, or lie in bed some more, like Angelica, I listened out in the corridor but did not hear any noise of patients starting their day.

Angelica's groggy voice explained, "You don't have to get up until their second time around, that's when they really press it."

I nodded, but wasn't sure if she could see it. I decided to get up anyways, because I really did not want to get in trouble on my first full day, and well, I really had to use the restroom. I heard Angelica laugh/snort as I made my way out of the room, after grabbing my toothpaste stuff.

The bathroom was empty, except for two girls. I did not have to get an advisor sense there was one right outside the lady's room. She did not look up at me or take any notice to me as I entered

A blush instantly ran up my cheeks as I looked at the two girls. They were both buck naked, showering. I have never actually seen a naked girl before. I mean, sure, they pop up in pop ups on my computer at Charlie's. Once, in the seventh grade, this immature boy brought in this porn magazine to show his friends. But these were real people, not models.

They did not seem bothered that they were naked together. Maybe they were used to it, or maybe they did not think much of it from the beginning. Okay, I was so not ready for this. Not at all. People seeing me naked is not really my thing. One of these girls was obese, and actually kind of hairy, so in comparison to her, I'd look better. But I do not even think I have the ability to be naked in front of Edward, never mind strangers.

Alice is a different story. When I needed help showering, she would come over and help me out. It was a little embarrassing and uncomfortable at first, but I could see that she was not really looking at my body. She was unlike most girls my age, who are usually judgmental and extremely rude.

The overweight girl looked over at me and smiled. "You get used to it. We're all shy in the beginning."

The other girl did not even notice me. Her eyes were shut as her face turned towards the spot, so water splashed her face. Now, she did have a nice body. I'm not an expert on naked women bodies, but I could tell it was nice.

Should I do this now, or wait for more people to come? Wait for people to come?! There was no way I was going to do that. I just wanted to shower alone, and have no one else alone.

I could tell that my eyes were about to tear up and my breathing was accelerated. I walked over to the little open cubbies and took all my scrubs off, leaving me in my cotton white undergarments. I turned so my back was to the completely opposite girls. I unhooked my bra and put in the cubby, and then slid off my underwear, leaving me completely nude. I am just thanking god that I got rid of all my hair before I came here. I wouldn't need to shave again until at least tomorrow.

I trotted to one of the showers nozzles about five down from the two girls and turned on the hot water. I looked down the showers to see none of the girls looking at me, but minding their own business. A wave of relief washed over me, but I did not feel close to all better.

Actually because of all this stress I just wanted a huge relief came my way. I just wanted to release some of this stress through giving myself some physical pain. I can not really do that here though. I don't think the girls would take it to well either.

I pressed the little shampoo dispenser so I could wash my hair and just clean up. Both of the girls did not pay me any attention the whole time I was cleaning up. Even another girl that came in and showered at the last water spout only glanced at me once, and then minded her own business. I, of course, did not look at any of the girls. I knew that a blush was already on my cheeks.

When I was done, there were five girls in the bathroom including me. One of the girls was taking off her clothes, and the two other girls who were already showering were now brushing their teeth. The obese girl was trying to put her hair up, upset that she forgot her brush. The other girl, the one with the nice body, had a brush, but never offered to let her use it. I know just from the way she held herself, she was such a witch. So far, she reminded me so much of Lauren.

After I was done with the bathroom, I had no idea where to go. Both of the girls who were here when I got here had already left. It seemed like most of the girls were already were in the showers, which my eyes were purposely avoiding. No way was I going to go tap one of them on the shoulder.

I decided the best thing to do would be to go put my things back in my room and consider where to go from there. I put my toothpaste and toothbrush down on my side table. I sat on my bed, not sure where to go from there. I needed to get dressed in new clothes. That was the first priority. My bureau was the same way it was before. Hoping, that some clothes were in there, I pulled it open.

All that was in there were scrubs. The same ones I wore to bed and I was told to wear yesterday. The first drawer was full of shirts, all size small. The second was full of the same pants with the strings that make it so you can adjust the size. What do I do about undergarments? Didn't Alice say that she was going to bring in everything I needed? What do I do about them right now?

Against my utter disgust, after a few minutes of deciding, I chose to just wear them over again. Wearing my bra for two days in a row does not bother me, but wearing my underwear does. I'm one of the firm believers that they have to be changed everyday.

After I threw on my new scrubs, and throwing my other old ones in one of the laundry baskets in the hall, I stood there. How much I would like a razor right now. Just to stop this all from happening for a few minutes. To make this all go away for a few more minutes. Why would they lock me up? How would that help anything! Seriously!

I walked out of the room, and into the hallway. I saw a girl exiting her room too, and without thinking, made her way down the hallway, and took a left. I decided to follow her and see where she went. As I rounded the corner I was that she led me to a cafeteria.

I was one of the first one's there, and decided to sit down at a random spot. I was not really hungry. Not at all. I think I was too nervous for that, I really did not want to do anything like this right now. I wanted to snuggle in Edward's arms, so I could read a nice book and just relax. One of my favorite things to do, and I was here, locked away from him.

I was too lost in my own thoughts when someone grabbed my shoulder. It made me jump up. She gave me a small smile. "Are you new here, sweetie?"

I nodded, still to surprised to speak. I was really too lost in my own mind sometimes. Edward usually dragged me out of it way before the nurse did.

"Well, everyone has to eat here. It is not an option to not eat. You just have to get up and go into that line, behind the small blonde." She pointed to the left, behind my shoulder. "Are you Isabella Swan, the girl that Dr. Cullen made out her schedule for specially?"

Great, now I am going to be known as the Cullen girl. "Yes, why?"

She seemed a little bit taken aback from the tone of my voice. I did not mean to sound harsh, that was just the way it came out. "Well, because we have all your stuff down at the nurse's station. Which room is your's? I think they are almost done stripping it down?"

That threw a flame in my stomach. Why were they just checking everything I have? Some people might have some personal things. "Why would they do that? Some of my stuff actually might be private! You know that right?"

The nurse was actually taken aback. "We'll just look up your room, and leave your stuff near your door. Go in line, Ms. Swan."

I rolled my eyes when she turned her back. I noticed that she sat near the trash cans. She set up her own little desk there. It took me a minute to realize she was there to make sure that the people here actually ate their food. It only took me a couple of minutes for me to get my food, because most of the girl's who were in the bathroom were still not here. Though I did notice that girls who did not take showers took were already in here. I guess they showered last night, because they do not look especially un-bathed.

I sat down at a table all by myself. Most of the kids already have friends, and they are more likely to talk to each other than some foreigner. It surprised me when half way through Casey sat down next to me. "Hey there."

"Hi." I looked at him. Why was he sitting with _me_?

"I was told to give you your schedule. I took the pleasure of reading it for you. We have every activity together. It is a wonder they set both of us together, huh?" He wagged his eyebrows in a funny way, that I just had to chuckle. Though, it was something he could pull off.

Please, god, was he hitting on me? Please, do not do this to me. "Why would they do that?"

"What you don't want to be with me, Bella?" He faked a sad face. "Nah, just playing. Well, basically because we are both here for the same thing. They think we can help each other."

I was set back. "You are here for cutting? That is why you are here?"

"Yes. Haha. I like you, Bella. I like that you are here to get help too." Casey's eyes grew sad. "It's better this way even though it sucks here."

I basically laughed in his face. "I'm here because they are holding me here. I hate it here. Dr. Cullen says there is this law. He's afraid that I can not handle this or something."

His face automatically got very serious. He sucked in a deep unsteady breath. "Bella, listen to me. I was just like you. I thought I had a handle on this. I almost ended up killing myself. Please, just listen to someone who has been there. Stop. Doing. This."

His eyes were serious. I could tell that he was scared for me. Why? He doesn't know me. He doesn't know what I have been through. He does not know how much I need the razors. He does know though. He knows everything that I have felt. He has been there.

Instead of answering him, I left the table, and walked fast out of there. Not because I was mad at him, but because I was scared. Somewhere deep inside of me, I _knew_ that he was telling the truth. I knew that I needed to stop. Though, I'm not. I'm not stopping. Ever! I need this to much to stop.

**A/N Hope that is good. Lol. Nothing much to report on. This chapter took me a while to write I have been busy please tell me what you think about the whole how should I divide up this story.**


	18. Eris

A/N Sorry for no update in a while. Things have been hectic since a death in the family.

I do not own twilight. Or Zac Efron. Or Vanessa hudgens. Just the characters that I made up. Including my awesome Casey.

_His eyes were serious. I could tell that he was scared for me. Why? He doesn't know me. He doesn't know what I have been through. He does not know how much I need the razors. He does know though. He knows everything that I have felt. He has been there._

_Instead of answering him, I left the table, and walked fast out of there. Not because I was mad at him, but because I was scared. Somewhere deep inside of me, I __knew__ that he was telling the truth. I knew that I needed to stop. Though, I'm not. I'm not stopping. Ever! I need this to much to stop._

When I rounded the corner, I put my back up against the wall. I was not going to think about what just happened. No way was I going to stop this. We are not the same people. No, it can not be the same for the both of us because he definitely did not go through the same experiences I went through. No matter how many times this cycled in my head, there was still the feeling in the bottom of my stomach that said, 'stop fooling yourself and listen to the other fool.'

I wanted to cry and scream and run the other way, just to get away from all this crap. Somewhere where I can do what I want. But I know that I wouldn't be happy without Edward and I also know that Edward would not let me do whatever I want. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, and surprisingly they worked more than I thought they would.

My fingers twitched anxiously, I need something in them. I pictured the razors perfectly in my mind. So perfect the blade is. So easy it would be for that blade to pierce my skin. Almost effortless. No, I can not think about those kind of things while I am in here, and can not have them.

In my hand was the schedule that Casey handed me. I unfolded it and looked at the first item. Group therapy! Great, not only do I have to listen to other people who think they're life is so horrible, when it really wasn't, these people would probably want me to talk. My back slid down the wall, so I was curled up in a little ball, with my arms wrapped around my knees.

"This can not be happening." I moaned to my arms. "I just want to be with Edward, is that really to much to ask?"

"Who's Edward?" I heard an annoying voice ask. He is not really the person I want to talk to right now. So he can take his emoish, I think I know everything, attitude, and walk straight through those doors and never talk to me again.

"He's none of your business." My head shot straight up to look him in the eye. He was closer than I thought he was. He knelt down in front of me, and put both of his hands on each of my arms. He knew as well as I did that he should not put pressure on them.

"Hey, are you okay? Bella, please tell me that I did not upset you too much." When I did not answer him, he continued. "Well, please tell me that I did upset you too much. Please tell me that what I said did something."

I gave him the best glare I could. Emmett would be proud of what I can muster up if I have to. "Why would I listen to you? I told you, you have no idea what you are talking about. Why don't you just go away, and save me the misery of having to look at you anymore. Or better yet, why don't you just go away and never try to get in contact with me. That way I don't have to look at you and I don't have to hear from you."

Casey did not react the way I wanted him too. I expected him to act angry and actually walk away, or I expected him to get sad and mope away with a frown. Though, instead, he just had this huge smile on his face. "I really do not think you want me to leave, Bella. I think you want me to be here. Maybe you do not think that now, but trust me, deep inside you want someone to understand."

I glared at him. He had no idea what he was talking about. None at all. "I have to get going to …"

"Group therapy?" He suggested, smug.

It was at the moment that I realized something. He was wearing the same thing I was. The same exact scrubs, I guess they were unisex. That wasn't the thing that I noticed though, I guess it was what I did not notice. I did not notice any scars on his wrist. I thought he was here for cutting. I looked towards the other arm and did not see any scars there either.

I guess he saw me looking at his arms. "You are wondering where my scars are." I felt a little color rush into my cheeks. For some reason that I could not figure out, I did not want him to know that I was indeed looking for scars. I stayed silent. "They're on my legs. You see, I am smarter than you and knew that putting them somewhere less visible would let me go unnoticed longer. What a stupid person I was back then."

Yes, the emo-boy is actually smarter than I am. There was no way I was going to let him get away with that. "For you information, I have been doing this for the longest time and I have gone unnoticed. So I would just shut up if I were you."

Casey's smirk left. I was expecting some sort of comeback, but he said nothing. He placed his fingers to his temples and shut both of his eyes. I noticed that he was trying to calm himself when he took a deep breath and clawed his hands. I recognized the way he looked as how I feel when I do not have my razors with me and I absolutely need them.

When he opened his eyes again, he was not the sarcastic Casey, he looked a little crazed. But he did look a little proud of himself, like he just came over some great obstacle. "Let's just get to group."

He offered his hand to help me up, but I refused it. I followed him to group, not wanting to ask him or anyone else for directions. I stopped outside of the door that he went through. This just can not be happening to me. Please, god, just make it stop.

I walked into the room to find that there was only one table in the corner of the room, filled with different papers and folders. The most prominent thing in the room was about ten blue chairs in the wide circle, filling up most of the room. Most of the people were already sitting. Unfortunately, the only seat that was left open was the one right next to Casey, who was patting it in a childish way. Edward was right about my bad luck.

To my left was another boy that I did not recognize. He looked dead, with big circles under his eyes. His shoulder length hair looked greasy, like he refused to wash it in the last week. The scrubs did not do him any justice, for he was overweight. All in all, he was a mess.

As soon as I sat down, the group director, a middle age balding man started to speak. "Welcome back, everyone. I see that we have an addition to our group, so we are going to go around and introduce ourselves and tell them one fact about us. Should we start with you, Casey, and end with the new girl?"

I blushed deeply. _Great, I am known as the new girl._ Casey stood up and said, "My name is Casey and I am addicted to hair dye."

There a girl around the age of fourteen who stood up next. She seemed like the type of girl who has every color Ugg boot and the latest edition sidekick. "Hi, my name is Vanessa, and I love Zac Efron more than anyone in the whole world. He's my boyfriend."

Before the girl next to her could speak up, the middle aged man interrupted. "Why don't you tell the truth, Cynthia?"

The girl looked like she was slapped in the face. She glared at the man in charge. "Fine! My name is Cynthia and I like pie. There are you happy now."

The next girl I noticed to be the same girl from the bathroom. She is the one who had a really nice body and like to have water splash on her face. She stood up with her hand on her hip. Even her attitude and voice made her more attractive. She is the kind of girl you see on the television shows that like to have sex with everyone in sight. "My name is Beatrice and I gone down on more guys than you could have ever imagined."

This went around until it was time for the boy next to me to talk. Everyone waited for him to stand up, but he did not. He just sat there. I knew he knew it was his turn because he turned absolutely still. I subconsciously knew that he was moving, but I did not pay attentions. All I knew now was that he was extra silent.

All of a sudden everyone just shifted their gaze to me. It was not even my turn to talk! After I stayed silent for a few moments, keeping my eye on the kid next to me, the instructor spoke. "He won't introduce himself. I guess it's your turn."

I cleared my throat and noticed that it did not really need to be cleared. "My name is Bella Swan and I … like to read." It sounded more like a question than a statement. Everyone else statement was general, than shouldn't mine be?

The instructor and Casey smiled at me when I sat down. "Okay, then who wants to begin? How about you, Bella?"

Again, I cleared my throat unnecessarily. "What would you like me to say?"

"How about how you feel about being here? Tell us how you feel about being trapped in this place." He smiled kindly at me.

"I was brought here against my will, and they are keeping me here under the law. I don't like it, but it will not last long. Trust me." Everyone was looking at me. They were expecting more. What more could I say. "Dr. Cullen is making sure I stay here because he thinks I need help. Though, I don't."

The snob girl who is in love with Zac Efron spoke up. "Why are you here?"

"I just told you. They are keeping me here. It is not like I actually want to be here and have to eat cafeteria food." I turned away from the girl and was about to ask the instructor if I could sit down, when the snob interrupted me.

"No, what I mean is, did they put you in because you have scars on your wrist. Did you cut yourself and then was put in here because you turned suicidal?"

A blush ran up my cheeks. What kind of person would actually ask that kind of thing? "Umm … no … not suicidal."

Before anyone else could speak, the instructor interrupted what I was sure would have been an insult from little-miss-uggs. "Now that you made Bella tell everyone why they are here, Cynthia, why don't you tell everyone why you are here?"

"I am not here because I have a problem. I volunteer here." She took one look at the instructor, whose name I have forgotten and changed around everything she said. Her voice was quieter this time and she was a vulnerable little girl. The way a fourteen year old girl should be. "I am here because I am a compulsive liar and I need help to stop lying about everything."

That makes so much more sense. Hours past as I learned about each of the people in the group, well minus the boy next to me who did not say one word. I even learned that the instructor had two kids who were both in high school. The big girl who was the in bathroom was suicidal because she did not think she was pretty enough to be alive. The skinny one who had an attitude was a sex addict. She has had sex with more guys than the people in my grade. Casey started to cut his wrist years ago, but then turned to his leg when his parents found out. He kept it a secret from everyone, because he cut closer to his thigh so whenever he wore shorts, they were still covered. His parents only found out for the second time because he was in a car accident and they saw the cuts in the emergency room. He said he hated it more because he was not even hurt that badly from the car accident.

By the time we were let out of the room I said less than everyone else, except for the boy I sat next to. I stopped by my room to see a large coach bag with my clothes. Yes, I had a coach bag specifically bought to put my underwear and beauty care items in. I was not allowed my own clothes.

At lunch, Casey sat with me for the full half and hour. Though, ten of them were spent in the lunch line, and then he spent the next twenty trying to get me to talk to him. I was not in the mood to put up with him. I just did not need him to pester me, thinking that he knows best when he really does have no idea what he is talking about.

It was not until I walked into the office for individual therapy that I noticed what I was in for.

**A/N Okay. I hope you liked it, review.**


	19. Cabeiri

**A/N Again, sorry for no update, I had a lot on my plate again this week and stuff. So I had to put this in late. Can't wait for summer.**

_He looked at me questionably. Though, he still had my hand in his. "What am I doing wrong, love? I'm not hurting you, am I?" His eyes turned anxious, as he looked at my hand, then my wrist. "What the…"_

_He knows. My breathing started to get heavy as I started to hyperventilate. My voice came out as barely a whisper. "Edward…"_

I walked into the door, not knowing what to expect. There was a little sitting area in the middle of the room. Why were there seven places for people to sit down if this was individual therapy? In one of the seats sat a man who looked to be in his thirties. He smiled at me, even though I did not see him off the back.

He was completely bald and wore a plain gray suit. He already had a pen and a pad in his lap. Just by looking at his face once, I knew that he had the same characteristics of my father. For some weird reason, they reminded me of each other. Though, this man did not have a mustache and had vibrant blue eyes instead of Charlie's brown.

"Hello, I am Dr. MacDonald. You must be Isabella?" He put both the pen and the pad onto the table that was in front of him, and got up off of his seat to shake my hand.

"Bella." Why do I have to say that over and over? You would think that after the amount of times I have to correct people they would get the message already. He nodded at my request and gestured for me to sit down in any of the seats in the center of the room.

I sat down in the seat across from where he was sitting. That seemed like the best way to go. My bottom was on a brown leather couch, the kind you would see in a regular living room. The whole office was full of earth colors, which were oddly relaxing. He sat back down in his chair.

"Again, hello, Bella. It says in your file that you are a cutter. Is that true?" Wow, did he get down to business or what?

"Yes. That's true. I guess. I mean, I do cut myself … on my wrist. Though, it's not really like cutting yourself. It's not like that boy, Casey, do you know him?" I was babbling because I had no idea what to say. I was never in this position before, and to tell the truth I do not think I want a stranger to ask me these kind of personal questions ever again. It kind of made me stressed out. Then, being stressed led me to want to feel normal again. Wanting to feel normal again led me to want to cut myself to get those nice feelings back.

"Yes, I do know him, but I am not allowed to discuss his case with you. Now, Bella, tell me why you think your cutting is not the same as Casey's?" Dr. MacDonald jotted down a few notes on his yellow note pad. Uh! That could not be a good sign.

"Because, it's not. He just does not do it for the same reason. He thinks that because he is doing it, he can get attention or something. His life can not have been as bad as mine." Something popped into my mind. Why was I just telling him all this stuff? Maybe because I was supposed to?

"And how do you know this? How much do you know Casey?"

This caught me off guard. I just judged Casey off the back. I thought that just because he is some emo boy that he was doing it to fit in and it was not really important. "I…I'm just saying that he seems kind of okay to me and the way he dresses, well all of his kind does that. Though, I do not think I should be saying that." Blood flooded to my cheeks.

"Everything you say in here is confidential and it is a judgment free zone. I have been told a lot of things, Bella, and I do not think what you just said compares to a lot of it." Dr. MacDonald wrote something down on his yellow note pad. I wonder what he is writing. It is obviously about me, but he just said what I said was not very interesting.

I remained silent. It was partly because I had no idea what to say, partly because I did not want him to write down anything else about me on his notepad. The seconds ticked by and both of us remained silent. Did he expect me to say something? What would I say? Why won't he say anything? I mean, he was the one getting paid to do this job.

After a few minutes passed and I shifted uncomfortably in my chair a few times, he finally spoke up. Though, his question was quite idiotic. "Why are you not speaking, Bella?"

What kind of question is that? He is not speaking either. "You are not speaking either. I have no idea what I am supposed to say because you will not really tell me what you want to know."

He smiled slightly. He spoke factually while he wrote down on the notepad again. "Actually I have actually found out quite a lot about you from the five minutes you have been here. I know that you like to please people from where you sat. I know that you are nervous to be here because you will not speak. I also know you have secrets you do not wish to tell me for the same reason. The list just keeps growing too."

How the hell can he figure all of that out? There was one statement that made the least amount of sense to me. "What do you mean you can tell that I like to please people from where I sat?"

"You sat right in front of where I was sitting. I gave you free range of the room and you had to sit in the seat that you thought was best for me. You sat in the seat that I was previously facing, even though the chair I was in can spin circles." He swiveled back and forth in his seat a few times to prove his point.

Great, I had to get the psychologist that just has to take every little action I do as a huge analysis. When I absorbed this, he stared at my face as though it might disappear off of my head.

"Why don't we get back to the cutting? How did it all start? When was the first time you cut your arm?" He put the end of his pen into his mouth as he waited for me to collect my thoughts and answer his question. I noticed that he has perfectly white, straight teeth. He probably did not even have a cavity.

"Last Thanksgiving was the first time. I was with my dad at his friend's house celebrating the holiday. I had to go to the bathroom, and well I touched something sharp and I accidentally cut myself. I noticed how good it made me feel. I noticed that I had something else to focus on. So, that is how it started." Well, it was not all a lie, though it was not the whole truth.

"How were you feeling before the sharp object entered your skin?" He asked as he jotted some more information down on his pad.

"I don't know. Numb, maybe. Maybe I was a little depressed?" There, that was just enough information. It did not give too much of my personal life away. People feel depressed all the time. They have their bad days and they have their good days.

"Was there a reason for you feeling depressed before the first incident?" Dr. MacDonald asked.

"I missed my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend at that point. We had broken up 2 months before. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I am just some normal teenager. Right?" I asked. If he was thinking that about Edward's and my relationship, than it felt like a duty that I had to set him straight. We were not you average teenage couple.

"Actually I am not thinking that. I am actually thinking the exact opposite." He stated with a smile at proving me wrong. "No normal teenager would be hung over her ex-boyfriend for that long. Well, at least as bad as to want to inflict pain on themselves, if they were not in love with them."

He really understands. I can tell that he does not think that I am just some teenager that wants her beautiful ex-boyfriend back for the heck of it. I think he actually understands more than Charlie. Charlie said that I acted as though someone had died, but did not let himself see the extent of the pain I was in.

"Actually yes. He's Dr. Cullen's son. Do you know him?" If he knew Dr. Cullen, then that would make explaining the background for this story so much easier. Maybe I would not have to lie as much either. My face scowled at the idea of being caught in one of my lies by Dr. MacDonald.

Then it hit me. I was actually talking about this to a complete stranger. I did not know him, but I trusted him with what I would not tell Edward. Though, Edward did know it through inferring it all. Though, I could not figure out why I was talking to him. Maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest. Maybe somewhere deep down I thought that this might help me feel better. Maybe it was just because Edward wanted me too. Whatever the reason is, I continued to talk.

"Yes, I think everyone in this hospital knows Dr. Cullen." He simply said.

"Well, then you must know that he left around September with his family to live in L.A." I started. "Well, their son, Edward, left with them. He could not really just stay here by himself. I never heard from him. We both missed each other but decided it would be best if we just tried to get over each other. We see now that was not a great idea."

Dr. MacDonald nodded along with my babbling. Now that I looked back at what I said, I noticed that it did not answer any of the questions he asked me. Should I keep talking, or wait for him to say something? I had no idea what to talk about, so I decided it would be the best idea to wait for another question.

"You were feeling depressed, correct? And this was because your boyfriend left you a couple of months earlier? Then, what did you do for those two months that you did not cut? What did you do to release the pain?"

"Nothing. For most of that time I was in more of a numb state. I did not want to do anything at all. I guess I released the pain by shutting down. Well, now that I think about it, I do not think that I released the pain at all. I think I shut down so I did not have to feel the pain and I let it all grow inside me." This babbling I was doing was making me think of things that I never thought of before. Like, maybe I should have started cutting the minute Edward left and then I would not have hurt so much.

"There had to have been times before you started cutting that you did not shut down completely. There had to have been times before that you had to have felt something. Think." He swiveled in his chair as he waited for me to rack my brain for an answer.

There were times when I was not my shell of a self. "The night time is when I am not a shell. I used to let myself get lost in my mind. Then, once I went to sleep, I would wake up from nightmares of having been left again."

Okay, too much information. I can not let myself talk so much. What were the Cullens thinking when they decided to put me here? They know that I have too many secrets that have to be kept. And it was their secrets, too.

"What would you do when you wake up, Bella?" He jotted down a few notes. I wonder what he is writing about. He probably just figured out that my boyfriend is a vampire by how perceptive he is.

"I would usually wake up screaming. Then, my father came in and comforted me. Then, after I told him that I was okay, he would leave. There was no point in bringing someone else down with me." Instead of looking at him, something told me that I should remove my eyes from Dr. MacDonald. There were not any windows in his office because he was in one of the offices that did not border the outside world. My eyes found a bookcase. The books looked like encyclopedias from the way they were set up.

"You pretended to your father that you were alright and then he left, but what did you do once he left?" Dr. MacDonald asked.

"I cried. There was nothing else to do. Once I was that worked up from my dream it was really hard to shut off again. Though, it was better to not feel than to feel." I said, still not meeting his eye. I did not dare to say more than that because of the underlying feeling that he knew that I was being more distant than I needed to be.

"Bella, why did you decide to come here and get help?" By the way he asked the question, I could tell that he asked this of every patient that passed through.

"I didn't. I was forced here under the law." I looked at him, and saw him staring at me. How can I explain what this story without revealing too much? I think it would just be better to remain silent.

He did not seem surprised by this. Maybe they got a lot of people who did not want to be here. "So, if you do not want to be here, than why are you telling me so much?"

"I have no idea, to tell you the truth. I was trying to figure it out and I came up with nothing." My knee bounced up in down making it easier to think. "Maybe it is because I know that I have to say something?"

He smiled slightly as his pen scratched the paper. "Are you asking me that? I have no idea of your intentions for being here. They did not mention it in your folder. So, tell me what happened to have someone know that you had to have come here?"

Great. We were getting to close to the subject of VAMPIRE. I could not let it get to that. What was he trying to do, strangle me? Gosh, this was making me to anxious. I needed to get rid of this anxiousness. _I need my razors. _ That was the first thing that came into my mind.

"Why are you doing that with your hand, Bella?" Dr. Macdonald's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked down to my hand and noticed that it was making a claw. Just like when Edward has turned into vampire mode. Only mine was acting like it was grabbing something. In my mind, I knew that I was unintentionally trying to grab a razor. I must have done that before too and not have noticed it. I wonder who saw me do that before.

"Bella, tell me how you are feeling. Are you feeling upset?" Dr. MacDonald had his eyes cast down on the notepad that he was writing on, though I can tell from his tone of voice that he was concerned.

"To tell you the truth, I have never noticed that before." I squeezed my hand into a fist a few times and it did seem like it was in my total control. "I was feeling okay I guess. I mean, nothing have really changed."

That was the part truth. Things had changed, because that was the first time in a little while that I have not felt like that. It was also false, because I was not feeling okay; I needed to release some of this …. some of this … something. Though, it was the truth because I feel like that so often that it only registers to me when it gets terribly bad.

"Bella, you have you leave for today, and you will have another hour tomorrow." He got up off of his chair and opened the door. "Have a nice rest of the day."

I got up off of the seat and left without another word. That did not feel like an hour. Now that I think of it, I could not decide if it felt like more than an hour or less than an hour. Lost in thought, I ran into something on the ground, nearly tripping over it. Only someone caught me from an impossible angle. I tripped over someone.

"Have a nice trip; see you next fall, huh, Bella?" Casey's voice rang in my head as I looked up to apologize.

"Sorry, I did not see you there." I apologized. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, I was just waiting for my turn." He smiled at me, but his smile quickly faltered. "I see that you haven't changed your mind?"

Instead of waiting for an answer, he walked into the room. I could tell that he was not mad at me. It was more of a please-get-into-your-right-mind look. The same one Alice gives me when we go shopping. Though, he had a more serious mood to his.

**A/N I'm sorry but that's all for now**

**Life is full of crap recently. So the next chapter goes up when you see it.**

**Please review. I really need some sort of boost.**

**And I also like **


	20. Achilles

**A/N Again, life just sucks more, so I thought that I would just keep writing. I have not started this chapter yet, so lets hope its not just a filler, because I have a feeling that it might be. **

"_No, I was just waiting for my turn." He smiled at me, but his smile quickly faltered. "I see that you haven't changed your mind?"_

_Instead of waiting for an answer, he walked into the room. I could tell that he was not mad at me. It was more of a please-get-into-your-right-mind look. The same one Alice gives me when we go shopping. Though, he had a more serious mood to his._

I made my way to my room. I had no idea where to go and my schedule said that I had free period between now and dinner. I would guess from the books that I have read that they have a room with a television and couches. They would probably also have board games, though I do not remember reading a story where they had a library. Sense this was a hospital, my guess is that they did not have one.

I entered my room and saw the familiar bland walls with no windows and immediately sunk into a small depression. On my bed was the biggest coach bag that I have ever seen – not that I go around checking to see if every bag was coach. Though, this bag was the size of a gym bag, all patterned with its usual C letters. Knowing Alice, I could tell that she would not have it any other way.

Angelica was not in the room. _She probably has some other sort of therapeutic activity._ I was grateful that she did not have the opportunity to see my bag. I did not want her to think that I always had the best of everything. The bag was heavy when I picked it up. What did I need in this place to put so much weight on the bag?

I undid the zipper and opened the bag. My first reaction was one of overwhelm. Not from the amount of stuff, though that was sure to overwhelm me, but of the smell that came out of the bag. I guess that because I could not have many clothes in this place, because they demand you to wear their outfit, Alice purchased so many beauty items. There was pomegranate smelling body wash, and honey kiwi scented shampoo with matching conditioner. There was also acne wash – even though I had almost perfect skin, foot scrub, lemon scented nail polish remover – there was no nail polish, and so many more unnecessary items that I would not need for the time I am in here.

I looked at the tags on the few items of clothing that she got me. I knew that some of them were from her special like of clothes, though of course they were under a different name. Hilary Brown. Also, there were articles of clothing from other designers that I only heard of because of Alice. There was maybe three outfits total. Though, there were many more pieces of underwear. Luckily, she decided not to go to sexy.

As I was putting away the articles of clothing into my drawers, Angelica walked into the room. Of course, again she was wearing clothes that were too big for her, and made her look like she has not eaten in days. With my luck, she probably hasn't and was that extra moody. I did not talk to her as I picked up a gray shirt with 'Live. Laugh. Love' etched on the front with the initials H.B. small beside them. It was supposed to be baggy on the torso, go down extra long and expose one shoulder.

"What are you doing with Hilary Brown's clothes? I could not even get them." Angelica sat on her flat mattress. "Are you like famous or something? No, I would have heard of you. Geez, I only got to wear those clothes in shows. I actually modeled that shirt before."

She seemed extra proud of herself because she got to wear Alice's clothes. Something told me, that even with her being that skinny; she could still probably pull it off better than me. "No, I am not famous, I just know people. She gets me any clothes that she wants me to wear absolutely free."

Her mouth opened in a big gap. She looked at me as if I had grown another head. "How do you know people who can get you Hilary Brown's clothes?"

Instead of waiting for an answer, she was out of there. She did not wait for me to tell her some made up, not very good lie. I had no idea if she was jealous, because I really did not care if she was, there was nothing I could do about it, and I did not do anything about it. She did not look upset; she just looked like the world made no sense to her anymore. Great, that meant that she thought she was better than me and was proven wrong by some clothes.

Time is strange sometimes. Just as I finished putting away my clothes, there was a knock on the door. Though, when I looked up to see who it was, I wondered if it was more time or the person in front of me that made the coincidence happen. Carlisle was standing at the door with a small smile on his face.

"You have a visitor, Bella." There was no one with him though. Is he my visitor? I did not get to suggest the issue of him not being a real visitor because he laughed a small chuckle. "I do not need to have Jasper here to tell me that you are not happy with Alice's new clothes. However, I did ask her to cut down on it a little bit for me. You should have seen what she really wanted to pack."

A little disgusted expression came onto my face, the last thing I needed was for everyone to find out that I had designer clothes with me. "Great, could you just keep your voice down please, I would really rather people didn't know about all of my business."

"Okay, your visitor is in the television room. Why don't I take you down there? I did not give you the tour last night, so you probably do not remember where it is." He started moving towards the door, and went into the hallway, and, of course, I followed.

It was a silent walk to the television room. I did not ask him who my visitor was. Firstly, I was not sure if I wanted to know if it was my dad waiting for me. Secondly, I did not really want to talk to Carlisle and maybe have him ask me some question that I did not want to answer. The room was full of different people, a few I recognized from group, and a few that looked really ostentatious from the cafeteria that had a permanent place in my mind.

Though, the person sitting in the corner was the easiest face to remember – not because I have stared at it countless times, or that it was the most beautiful face in the world – but because when he looked at me, I noticed immediately that he had more emotion expressed on his face than any other person in the room. He looked like a mother who had just lost her newborn baby.

He tried to cover up the emotions, and he did a very good job succeeding. If I did not look at him the exact moment that he looked at me, I would not have known how worried he was. It brought around a wave of guilt. The last thing I needed was for him to worry about me so much. First of all, I did not need him to. Second of all, it was completely unnecessary because I was, in fact, completely fine.

A smile rose on his face as soon as the worried expression left. He was glad to see me. He rose from his chair and strode towards Carlisle and me with fast human strides. Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, I ran the few steps left to him and pressed myself to him, wrapping myself around his middle. My face was snuggled into his chest.

As I let go of him, I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Bella, I missed you."

Before I could respond, Carlisle cleared his throat, causing us both to convert our attention to him. Edward still had his arms around my waist. Carlisle stood at least a half a foot taller as he made his speech. "Both of you only have an hour here. Then Bella has to get to dinner. You are not to do any public displays of affection. You are not to leave here. Do you both understand me?"

I nodded when Edward said a courteous 'yes.' Carlisle left then, back through the door that we entered. I turned to Edward and he gave me his famous crooked smile, the one that I loved. He grabbed my hand and directed me back towards the chair that he got up off of. Luckily, he chose a vacant spot, and no one was brave enough to go sit down and try to start a conversation with him.

When we sat down, he did not put his arm around me, like he would have done if we were alone, or if Carlisle was not giving us instructions like he just did. "Bella, how is it here?"

I could sense the ancient sadness in his voice and it disturbed me to hear it there. This was really not something I wanted now – or ever. "It's okay. Kind of annoying, though. Not many things to do in this place. The people here are really bi-polar sometimes too."

"Bella, you are '_bi-polar'_ too. I've heard what people have been thinking about you. You are all nice and social one minute and then vacant the next. I thought it was Alice's job to have the mood swings." He chuckled at his own joke. "Though, I shouldn't feel that bad, it means that something has changed. You usually do not act like that in front of people you do not know. You only behave like that in front of people you are comfortable around, or you are extremely mad at."

I stared at him blankly. "Nothing has changed. I'm still me."

Something deep inside of me was not sure what I said was true. Why would I behave like that in front of others now? Maybe that means I have changed.

"Oh, and Alice wants to know if you like the clothes she packed for you. She knew that you were in the same room as that model. She wanted to make her feel jealous, because during one of their shows … well, let's just say Angelica and Alice did not really get along."

"What happened?" I did not think it was a good idea for me to get involved in other people's business. It was not mine to get involved in, but still I could not help but feel curious. "I mean, I can understand why Angelica might have pissed of Alice, but I do not think that Angelica could be that bad."

"Well, let's just say that Angelica was a model for one of Alice's fashion lines about two months ago. She was not well, she was too skinny, and Alice was concerned. You know the history with models and being skinny. Well, when Alice tried to say something to Angelica, she got upset. Alice was only trying to help. Angelica was in her face telling her that she did not understand. Of course, this had to happen only a few minutes before the show, so Alice did not have enough time to get a new model. Well, right before she got on, Angelica destroyed the clothes she was wearing to make them look like a disaster. Alice was mad, but there was nothing she could do."

"Wow that must really stink, and Alice must have been crushed. She likes everything perfect." I was eager to hear what Alice did afterwards. Knowing her, it was something drastic. When was this? What happened after?"

Edward smiled, and I think we both probably forgot where we were and the reason that we were here. "Well, Hilary Brown could have been one of the most famous designers; if Angelica did not screw it up for her. Now, Alice was extremely mad, so about a month ago, Alice called the tabloids and put Angelica's news on stake. Angelica's agent had to promise a hefty bride and that Angelica would get better before they would cut the article."

Lesson number one: Do not mess with Alice.

"Wow that is a sad story. Though, I am happy it happened." Edward gave me a weird look. A look that said why would you wish for something that insane to happen? "Well, I am happy that Alice made Angelica get the help that she needed."

Edward gave me a small smile, though something was not quite about it. "You are happy that Alice indirectly got Angelica the help she needs, but you are not happy that I am getting the help that you need. Have you ever thought that Angelica and you are very much alike? You are very much similar in a lot of way. You are both stubborn and you both refuse to see the truth."

"Right, okay." Yeah, he did not know what he was talking about. The rest of Edward's short visit was filled with small talk. It seemed that Charlie was not very surprised that I had ended up here. He was kind of expecting it from when he found out because he did not fully trust Edward to take care of me. He was going to visit me tonight, but he got called in for an emergency at the police station.

Before I knew it, Carlisle was back to take Edward away. I felt like biting and ripping his head off. He would not even give him five more minutes. I do not see why he had to be strict against that. It's not like I was going to sneak out. It's not like he knew that he could even let me sneak out. Though, Edward did leave, but not until after trying to stall as much as possible, and giving me an amazing kiss.

I was sitting in the cafeteria when Casey walked up to me with his lunch. Didn't he have any of his own friends? Who did he sit with me before I came here? Anyways, he thought it would be a good idea to remain silent this time.

I waited and waited for him start to speak to me, though he never started to. Casey was looking down at his food with glum expression. I was instantly worried, though I did not know why. What could have been so bad that he felt not to annoy me?

"Casey?" I called his name to him, not knowing what else to say.

He looked up to me and his face turned blank, carefully not expressing any emotions. I know that face better than probably anyone else here. I am so much better at hiding my feelings than almost everyone I knew. I had to be better at keeping my feelings a secret than everyone else.

"Yes, Bella." His voice matched his expression.

"Aren't you going to talk, like you usually do?" Okay, this is really weird. I am actually asking him to talk to me and I hate it when he talks to me.

"Not everyone is up for talking all the time." He shot me a mean glance. "You should know all about that, shouldn't you?"

This conversation was switched to make me look like the bad guy awfully fast. "Well, sorry to disturb your peace and quiet."

"How do you know if I ever get any peace and quiet? Huh, Bella? You have no idea about anything. So stop acting like you do." Casey spat at me, dropping his fork into his ravioli.

I was astounded by what he said to me. I did not even say anything bad to him! I was not even going to say anything else to him. It was just not worth it. I was done with my dinner anyways, well, I was finished with the four scoops I ate and dumped it into the trash.

It was only eight o'clock and there was no way I was going to go to sleep for at least another hour. I walked to the television room and saw that it was close to empty. There were only five people in there right now, none I recognized. Also, none of them were watching the TV.

I grabbed the remote and sat down on the sofa. I flipped through the channels until I saw the movie _The Parent Trap_ with Lindsey Lohan in it. I only decided to watch it because I remember it being one of my favorites from my childhood.

The minutes past and the room started to become more crowded. Some of the patients watched the movie with me, and some of them went to do their own thing. I really did not care or even pay any attention to them. I looked around for Casey and kept noticing that he was not there. Though, he could be anywhere.

Once the movie was out, I was tired enough to sleep. I got off of the couch and made my way to my room. Nothing was out of place, and to tell you the truth I was afraid that Angelica was going to steal the clothes Alice had gotten me. I grabbed my toothbrush and headed towards the bathroom.

There was no way that I was going to take another shower today. I will save that embarrassment for another day – tomorrow.

As I got into bed, I was surprised that I did not spend a long time thinking about random things. Yes, I did think of Edward, and how much I wanted to be in his arms. And, yes, I did think about how much I wanted to cut my arm, to relieve myself of the unnecessary worrying that Casey got me mixed into.

I was having a dream about Edward and I being in a black hole, and we were not getting sucked in though. We were getting out of it. Though I was being shaken a whole lot.

"Bella?"

My eyes flew open upon learning that the shaking was real. Carlisle was standing over me, eyes wide with worry. Did something happen to Edward?

"What happened, Carlisle?" I did not even wait for a response. I chucked the blanket off of me and ran towards the door. Carlisle was faster though.

"You can't run out of here, Bella. Let me explain to you what has happened." His eyes darted over my shoulder. "Go back to sleep, Angelica. We'll talk about you missing dinner tomorrow."

"Then what happened?" I almost shouted at him. Carlisle did not get this anxious for no reason.

"Casey, he slipped. He's not in good condition, Bella. He wants to speak to you."

**A/N Okay, so no lie. This took me more than a week to write. I have had no time. I'm sorry. **

**And I do not know what happened with the reviews last chapter. Did you guys not like it?**


	21. I am soo sorry

Give me another week about to put up the chapter. Life is just, ugh, I can not even explain it. I am really sorry for all of you who are waiting. You do not know how truly bad I feel. Just please give me another week. Maybe even less. You all must have been there and had a while when you were like this.


	22. Janus

**A/N Sorry about the no update thing. Life has been more hectic than you can ever believe. I hated doing this. I swear to god I did. **

"_Then what happened?" I almost shouted at him. Carlisle did not get this anxious for no reason._

"_Casey, he slipped. He's not in good condition, Bella. He wants to speak to you."_

I followed Carlisle out of the room with Angelica gazing after me. Luckily Carlisle kept pace with me instead of vice versa. I do not know why I was so afraid or why I cared about him so much when I could hardly tolerate being around him. A quick but vital thought popped into my head.

_I am like him_.

That thought did not remain in my head for very long. I had other things to worry about. Though, just because that thought crossed my mind, it worried me. I mean, it obviously not true. I have control on this, and he obviously did not. _That is true, isn't it?_

Carlisle was only one step ahead of me, so when he turned the corner, I almost missed the turn. We were in the regular rooms in the hospital - not the pysch ward. Carlisle waited in the doorway, ushering me with his arm ahead of me. My stomach automatically tightened with knots. How bad was he?

I lessened my pace when I walked into the room. His bed was behind a curtain, which was hiding him from the door. When I walked until I could see him, I was surprised. He looked … well, he looked… like he just fainted. He was pale and worried, but it wasn't as I expected.

For some reason I expected a bloody scene from the movies. Like the ones where the person is unconscious on the floor and the blood was still gushing from wherever the wound was. It was so different from what I expected that I almost exhaled with relief.

I looked to the doorway, to where I though Carlisle was standing, and saw that he was no longer in the room. Why would they leave me alone? I thought the point to me being here was to have no privacy. I think I would actually want him here now though. I had no idea what to say to him.

Casey was awake and looking straight at me, waiting for me to say something. He was the one who wanted me to come here, so he should be the one to talk. I was about to wait for him to say something, but I did not want him to be anymore stressed out than he already is, and I did not want things to get more and more awkward.

"Hi, how are you doing?"

A huge smile came over his face. "I'm doing great Bella. I feel like I am in Hawaii. How do you think I am doing?" The smile was not erased from his face, but his eyes dimmed a little.

I grimaced. "Probably not that good."

He gestured to the chair next to him like one of the ladies on _Deal or No Deal_ with her suitcase. "Why don't you sit down, Bella. I really want to talk to you."

A part of me wanted to hear what he was going to say, another part of me wanted to get out of the room because what he was going to say to me will probably affect me drastically. I have seen enough soap operas and drama movies to know how these talks go. Against my better judgment, I sat down in the erect chair and put my arms on both arm rests.

We were both silent for a moment, the kind of awkward silence that you basically say the first thing that comes to your mind. Then the first thing that comes to your mind usually sounds retarded. Kind of like this, "Carlisle woke me up."

The smile that had previously disappeared returned but not to the extent it had previously been. "I know, I asked him too."

He asked me to come here to talk, but he's not talking. He woke me up and scared the living creepers out of me. I was getting annoyed "Okay, so what did you want to tell me?"

"Look at me, Bella. Look at me and tell me what you see." His voice was strangled, like he was begging me to save his life or something.

When I looked at him, I saw the same thing I saw when I entered the room. Like a pale boy that looks like he just fainted. A good story for why he is in a hospital room too. "You look like you, just a little pale."

"I almost died, Bella. I almost died. I became within an inch of death. I accidently cut to deep. If Dr. Cullen did not find me at that time, I would be dead. I made the smallest little cry, Bella, and I don't know how, but Dr. Cullen somehow heard it. I was in the room next to him, with the razor already on the floor with a puddle of blood drowning it."

I knew that he was back in the room. I am not sure what room it was, but I could picture it perfectly. He was dying, and he knew he was. That was until Carlisle used his vampire hearing and caught him. I gently took his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze as he continued.

"I know that I have to stop, but I can't. Bella, do you know what it is like to be stranded in a deep hole of your own emotions?" He asked me. Though, he did not give me enough time to answer. "What am I saying? Of course you do. You cut too. Though, Bella, do you know what it is like to try to get out of that hole? Do you?"

The strange thing is that I know what he is talking about. I know that hole. The only thing that can get me out of that hole is cutting. Cutting makes the hole seem invisible, and me on top of it. When I do cut, it is like I am sitting in the air and nothing in the ground can bother me.

"I get out of the hole by cutting. It works, Casey, you are just not very good at it." I raised my eyebrow at him. He ended up in the hospital because he cut to deep. I… well, I know that I am in the hospital, but it is not because I do not know what I am doing. It's because people get into business that is not belong to them. "I know how to do it so it doesn't end me up here."

"You are here. Don't you see that you can not get out until you are better?" Casey turned his head to the ceiling and took a deep breath. "You are going to end up like me. Or maybe even worse. I am just trying to help you, Bella. I almost died. I know what it is like to be in your position. Please listen to me."

When he turned his head back to me I was surprised. There were tears in his eyes. He was really afraid. Afraid that I will what… die? That is just plain ridiculous. "Bella, getting out of this hole, it is so hard. I can not even begin to explain it. I want to so badly every second of everyday, but I can not live like this anymore? Can you?"

When I spoke again my voice was shaky. "Can I live like what?"

"Live like you have to hide something. Live doing this behind everyone's back. Live like this is a way out of life. The only way this is a way out of life is if you cut too deep. You still feel the pain. Your boyfriend put you in here right? Do you like seeing his pain?"

I never like seeing Edward in any pain. "No, and it is probably hurting him so much more than he is letting on too."

"Do you like being in this much pain?"

I rolled my eyes. "That is what cutting is all about. I need the pain to get rid of agony. I was going through a tough time. I think everyone who starts this does."

"Bella, you are surrounded by people you love. People who would do anything for you. I know that you are close to Dr. Cullen. Anyone can tell that he would do anything for his family and friends. Tell me, why did you start cutting?"

"My boyfriend left me. I loved him so much. I needed him more than anything- more than air. I missed him and it caused me a great deal of pain. I needed him to hold me at night. I needed him there to wipe away the tears. He wasn't there, and I was sick of wiping my own tears. This made it so I did not cry anymore. This made it so everything was alright again." I unconsciously wrapped my arms around my knees and dragged my knees to my chest. I did not notice this until I was done talking.

He did not say anything for a while and the silence was killing me. Maybe he was digesting my story. Maybe he just had nothing to say. I considered going back to my room, but something told me that I needed to be here. "Why are you here? What made you start cutting?"

"My father." His lips grew thin, the same way Edward's did when he became upset but did not want to express it. "He wasn't a good father."

I gave him my full story, he should tell me his, no matter how bad it was. For all he knew I could have died and came back to life. I kept my voice soft. "Tell me. What did your father do that was so bad?"

"Everything and you name it. He beat me, daily. Well, until the age of 13 when I was finally a man enough to fight back and get the hell out of the house. Some days he wouldn't serve me dinner because I was getting too big for his clients." There must have been a quizzical look on my face, because he felt the need to explain what he jus stated. "He was never touching me in the sexual sense, he was my father and found that sick." He gave a laugh. "But his clients weren't my father, if you know what I mean."

My stomach did a little flip. I never thought that he was cutting because of ….

"Casey, I'm sorry. That's … I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry; I have no idea what to say right now." Great, I am so bad at making people feel better. "It's just I'm shocked that someone would do that to their own flesh and blood, well, maybe even to someone in general."

A small laugh escaped him. Why is he laughing? If I was him I would be crying. "It's okay, Bella. I'm fine now. Well kind of, I still have this little problem." He leaned on his elbow, facing me. "You see, I always crave sharp objects. I cut myself with them, and I have to stop to continue living. I want to have the life that my father forbade me to have."

"Who says you can't have that with cutting?" I should just leave. You know things get bad once Casey starts to make sense. "You were living your life before you came here, weren't you?"

"Not the way I wanted to. When I left, my dad found me on the park bench where I had been sleeping. He took me back with him and started to beat me the second I got in the door. That was the last time he ever touched me. He did not know that my aunt was in the living room and was watching the whole thing. She tried to fight him off me, and of course he wouldn't touch his own sister. She took me home with her."

"But, what about since then? You're a few years older."

"I've lived with her and cut off and on. She tried to help me, even when I did not want the help. When I was like you. She took me to psychologists after psychologist. Sometime around then, I figured out that cutting wasn't the right way to express pain. Screaming and punching the wall is a better way. I noticed that cutting hurt the people around me too much. It put my life in danger. It was horrible to be addicted to it. I can't function like a normal hum –"

"SHUT UP!!"

The two words escaped my mouth before I even noticed that I opened my lips to speak. When I continued to speak, my voice grew slowly in volume. "Stop saying that. Please. You know just like me that we need this. It has become a part of who we are."

"It has. I won't deny that. But it is also something that needs to detach from us. The earlier, the better." He sat up so he was inches away. So, that is he wanted to, he could easily move a little forward so his nose touched mine. "Why don't you believe me, Bella?"

"Because I know that I need this more than you believe, and I know that I won't kill myself." My voice was shaky.

"You know you do not believe that Bella." His voice was gentle. "If I can get out of it, so can you."

I needed my razors. Right that second, that was the only thing I needed. I needed to get rid of all this feeling. I needed to make it all go away. What Casey is saying can't make sense. It just can't. What I know has to. The only problem:

**It doesn't.**

My head shook back and forth, tears already streaming down my eyes. I was curled into a little ball on my seat. Casey grabbed my hand. "It's okay, Bella, everything is okay. I'm here. You're not me and you can get through this faster than me. Shh."

He moved off of the bed and was kneeling in front of me, stocking my hair. He did not speak for a while after that. He let me get it out. It was comforting with him here. He was like Edward; he knew how to comfort me. Maybe it was because he was in this position before, or maybe it was because he just knew what to do. I'm just glad that he was there to make sure I was okay.

I can not believe this. I hurt so many people. I hurt Edward, my dad, Alice, everyone. I hurt myself. I might have needed this before, but I definitely do not need it now. Edward is back, and I am happy. I have him; he can be the person to take away the pain. I can not believe I have been so stupid.

I developed this addiction. I developed it and I hid it. It had to go; I had to believe that I would be fine.

"Casey, can you please get back into your bed. I'll take Bella out of here to let you sleep." Carlisle's voice

**A/N So there you go. I promise I will update soon.**


	23. Facebook AN

Hey, haha. I have no idea if this will work right, but I made a Facebook for my fanfiction. Just add me as a friend and you can have updates about how my story is going. I have no udea how this is going to work, I will repeat it again. But if it works right, I will update it faster than my fanfiction. So add me!

.#?id=100000038293047&hiq=katherine%2Csanders

If it doesn't work here, i will also post it to my profile.


	24. Hera

_  
_**A/N Okay, I do not own Twilight.**

_I developed this addiction. I developed it and I hid it. It had to go; I had to believe that I would be fine._

"_Casey, can you please get back into your bed. I'll take Bella out of here to let you sleep." Carlisle's voice._

I did not turn around to look at him; instead I tightened my body into even more of a ball. Casey's hand stopped striking my hair, and I heard the hospital bed rustle as he laid back down. Right as the rustling stopped, two masculine pale arms picked me up off the chair bridal style.

I made it so my face was pressed into Carlisle's white doctor's jacket. He was right all along. He knew exactly what he was talking about the whole time. Carlisle was trying to get me the help I needed even before I knew I needed it. I treated him like crap; I treated his whole family like crap. I need to apologize to everyone, because even though they don't think it's a big deal, it is to me.

I felt myself being lowered onto something hard. When I opened my eyes, I learned that the hard thing I was sitting on was Carlisle's desk in his office. He made sure I was set with my legs hanging over the edge of the desk and my toes barely touching the floor. My breathing had become even more irregular from all of the crying I did as he walked the short distance from.

He kneeled down so he was eye level with me. "Bella, take a big breath. You're going to be fine, better than you have been in a while. Just take a deep breath." He brushed the hair away from where they were stuck to my tears on my cheeks and brushed them behind my shoulders. "I am so proud of you, and I know that Edward will be proud when he hears this too."

Once my breathing had gone back to a not as disturbed rhythm I spoke for the first time. "Carlisle, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to …" I couldn't speak anymore for my breathing got in the way.

Though, it seemed Carlisle did not want to hear what I had to say anymore. "You are fine Bella. No one is mad at you, not in the slightest. Please listen to me when I say that you are going to feel better now."

Carlisle gently rubbed my back as I calmed myself down. I had stopped crying and my breathing was regular again. Though, it did not help the ache I felt in my chest from the disturbance I placed on everyone.

I guess he was waiting for me to break the silence and talk when I was ready because he did not speak when I sounded better. "It's late, aren't you supposed to be home?"

He seemed a little set back by my question, like he did not expect me to say it. Gladly, he did not sound offended, like I wanted him to leave. "I decided to work a double shift. Dr. Snow couldn't make it in today because his mother's surgery lasted longer than he thought, and he called me and asked me if I could take over for him. Lucky me, I wouldn't know what would have happened to Casey."

It was more like – lucky Casey. Though, that was Carlisle, he wanted to help everyone he could. I was sure that my face was red and my eyes were puffy from the crying. I did not want to wake up tomorrow morning here. "Can I go home now?"

He started rubbing my back again. "Actually, I would like you to stay here one more day, and then I will ask Charlie that you be monitored. The last thing that I personally think you need is to be away from Edward anymore. That is my medical opinion. If you are good, you can leave when Edward comes to see you. I won't have you stay another night."

A small smile came across my lips. "Thank you, Carlisle." I put my arms around his neck and gave him the best hug that I could with me still sitting on the desk. "Thanks for everything."

He hugged me back. "Bella, it is –"

The phone interrupted him. I released my hold on his neck and let him answer it. He is a doctor, so it is probably important. "Hello, sweetheart." Esme was the person who called. "What is wrong with Alice? …. Ah! Yes. … Bella came to a breakthrough … Yes …. I do not know, honey… I get off in about another hour and a half … I love you, too. Bye."

After he put the phone back in its cradle he sat down in his chair behind the desk. "Esme is happy to hear about you, Bella. I know I am sworn to patient doctor confidentiality, but I thought you would not mind me telling her. Am I correct?"

I jumped off the desk to sit myself in one of the chairs that is on the other side of the desk. "No, of course that's fine. Does that mean Edward has heard too?"

"I'm not sure if he was there or not. Alice just saw you and me speaking and guessed what was going on. Esme called because she doesn't want her hopes to get up to high." He smiled at me, the type of smile that Charlie gives me when he hears that I have a good report card. "You should get to bed now, you must be exhausted."

On cue, my hand covered a yawn. I got off of my seat and stretched a little. "Maybe I am just a little bit tired, but I have gone without sleep before."

At vampire speed he was right beside me. A grasped my shoulder and pushed me a little towards the door. "You do have a full day ahead of you, though."

I woke up to footsteps going back and forth. When I peeked through my eyelids I saw Angelica pacing in front of the front door, which is also right next to my bed._ Geez, why can't she go do that somewhere else! _I groaned and rolled over.

"What, you woke me up last night! And this is the best place to pace. Just get up now anyways. It's late." Angelica sounded like it was her last nerve someone was on. I do not think it was me though, I just think she was taking whatever it was that was bothering her out on me.

I sat up with a huge headache - that's what I get for crying before going to sleep - and brushed back my messy hair. Ugh! The last thing I wanted was the get naked in front of other people, but I kind of really needed a shower. I felt disgusting.

Angelica turned to me, her face played on her tone. "I'd go take a shower if I were you. There won't be many people in there; most of them are at _breakfast_."

I nodded and went to pick out a pair of scrubs to wear. They looked the same as the ones that I had on. I wonder why Alice gave me so many beauty care items when there was no way I was going to stay here that long – breakthrough or not. Then again, this is Alice I'm thinking about. I picked up the first shampoo, conditioner, body wash, facial wash, and body spray that I could find. I also picked up the same toothbrush and toothpaste from yesterday.

I knew the way to the bathroom this time, I took the same route as yesterday and it was not like I was in the Department of Mysteries. Thankfully, there was only one other girl taking a shower today. She did not look familiar, and she looked like the-girl-next-door. She had pin straight brown hair with short side bangs. Her eyes made her look the little bit intriguing because they were sea blue and had a warm feeling to them when she looked over at me. It was clear that she chose to shower late because when she saw me looking at her, she looked the other way, a blush already stinging her cheeks.

I did not look at her again, for I was respecting her privacy. Though, when I was striping off my clothes I noticed that I barely noticed her body. You would think because I do not see many naked people a lot, I would be more interested in how her body looked, comparing it to mine.

She respected my privacy, just like I respected her's. I took a shower head at the very end of the row knowing that she wouldn't think anything much of it, and maybe be thankful. I showered quickly, though she was done showering and out of the bathroom before me. I brushed them quickly and left for my room.

When I got to my room I was stunned to see that Angelica and Carlisle were both sitting on her bed, side by side. They both looked up when I entered and stopped the conversation they were having. Carlisle smiled at me and said his hello. I put my stuff back and said hello too and left immediately. They were obviously talking about something important and I was interrupting

Group Therapy was not that exciting at first. Cynthia (the girl who lies) told me that the seat that I was about to sit in was reserved for her. I did not believe her but it was not worth the fight. I let her have it and I moved down three seats so I was next to Beatrice (the sex addict).

It started with a girl that was in here for bulimia. What she said seemed like something that would come straight out of advertisement for an asylum. An advertisement that made the asylum seem like the best place in the world. " … feels like I have had a turn around. I am so proud of myself and my mom is going to be so proud of me too … it wasn't easy, but each day it gets easier."

Then another girl talked about how much she just wanted to sleep and never get out of the bed. I never knew if she was just depressed or if she was addicted to something about sleep, or maybe something else. She never actually said what was exactly wrong with her in front of me.

There was a chair that had no one in it after this girl. I had no noticed before now and there was only one person between me and that chair. A lumped formed in my throat as I figured out that the chair would have been Casey's. The lump got larger when no one cared to mention that Casey was missing, and that they did not care enough to say anything.

Beatrice started to talk in her perfect – for a human – voice. "I haven't had sex since I got here. I am not allowed near any of the boys. I can not believe that I lasted this long. Though, I do not think that I can survive out there in the real world, where it is so easy to get your way from a guy by just giving them a blow job or something. You guys have no idea what I have got."

For the first time today the conductor of the group spoke. Her voice sounded like a professor's, who was trying to teach something to a student. "Do you that is a form of prostitution. And if the boy you were with offered you something, it is a form of rape?"

Beatrice's face became hard, there was a guard against what she just said. "I know. That is what the therapist said. Though, it didn't matter. I got what I wanted. I had a lot of sex and getting something from it made it that much better for me – like I was being rewarded for something."

Everyone's eyes were still a little wide from what Beatrice explained about her sex life when they turned to me. It was obviously my turn to go next. I did not want to talk about my life in case something happened and I somehow let something that I was not supposed to say slip. Then again, I wanted to say something and get it off of my chest. I would have to stick with something small.

"Dr. Cullen said that I can leave tonight because he doesn't think that I should be here now that I found out that I should _not_ be cutting myself. I should be crying or punching someone."

Cynthia spoke up with a sneer in her voice. "Why would you be let out of here so soon? I noticed that I had a problem ages ago, but still, I'm stuck in here. I have been in here for eleven years."

I knew that they last thing she said was totally false, but again, I chose to ignore the lie. "He is going to set something up for me outside of here, where I have to support of my boyfriend, who is also his son."

A boy that I do not know about was looking at me with disgust. When he spoke, his voice was the reflection of the expression on his face. "So, what you mean is that you are only getting out of here because he is pulling strings for you?"

That pulled me up short. Was that the only reason I was getting out of here. I will not complain if it was. I know that if I was any other person in this place, I would be stuck in here. Though, I would never stay here if I could always go home and be with Charlie and Edward. "No, he knows my life almost as well as I do and he knows that I will be able to get better much faster at home. If you know Dr. Cullen, or even spoke to him once, you know that he tries to do the best for people."

A few of the people looked satisfied, a few looked jealous, and a few looked angry. There was nothing that I could do about it. I think I caused enough trouble for one hour. I looked to the boy next to me to speak. I noticed that it was the boy that I sat next to last time. The one that never spoke.

I stared at him for a little bit, until I figured out that he was not going to say anything. I do not know how long he had been there, but I guessed it was for a while. None of the people in the group thought this was anything different because they moved onto the next girl.

I blocked out what everyone else was saying. I did not really care what was wrong with them because I would not be that much longer. I would never find out what was going to happen to any of them.

My mind was in full thinking mode. Did I need this place? My mind automatically thought '_No I do not need this place._' Though, was that the truth? These people here would help me get better. Though, Edward and his family all probably have the same degrees they have and will be able to help me more. Can I use them as my new therapeutic counselors? Why was I even think that? Of course, all of them would help me in any way that they could. Well, maybe not Rosalie, but that was a whole other story. We would be able to talk about things that I would not be able to bring up in this place.

For example, how much I wanted to cut myself on the way back from Italy. I know that sounds ludicrous. Edward was there, but still all that time, I just wanted to take out a razor and take away the fear that he was going to leave soon. For a few moments I even pictured myself cut my arm from the wrist to my elbow to end all the pain. To make it so I would never be able to feel pain again. That thought scares me now, and there is no way I am going to tell anyone about that.

I know that Carlisle and Esme would not press themselves on me, but they would want to know how I am doing – the truth about how I am doing - every once in a while. Rosalie would probably glare at me, but that would be all. She does a superb job at ignoring me all the time. Emmett will be … Emmett. It will be hugs all the time and trying to cheer me up with his jokes about Edward being a prude and little antics, but that is nothing different. Jasper will make sure to send me reassurance and joy my way more than he usually does. Alice, well, I never know what to expect from her. I will just have to wait and see.

Edward, well he would scare me the most. I'm sure he will try to be with me as much as possible. He will try to make me not want to cut, and maybe sometimes he will make me talk to him about things I would rather go unmentioned. He is going to apologize over and over about drawing me into this. Of course, it has never been his fault, though he will forever fail to see that. He will rub my back until I fall asleep, and he will let me put my hand under his shirt so I can trace his abs when it is just me and him in my room as I am about the fall into unconsciousness. He will try to make it up to me in anyway he can.

I almost failed to notice that people were getting up and moving out of the room as my head reviewed these facts over and over. A smile came over my face. It must be eleven because everyone was heading towards the lunch room. Well, everyone but me.

**A/N Okay, sorry it took so long really busy. It was fun writing this. I have been working on it for days, so … enjoy!**

**By the way, add me on facebook. You can find it on my profile. I give sneak peaks on it.**

**And can you guys do me a favor and leave a review on ways I can improve my writing? I would really appreciate it.**


	25. Dionysus

**A/N**

**I do not own Twilight. Surprise there, right?**

_I almost failed to notice that people were getting up and moving out of the room as my head reviewed these facts over and over. A smile came over my face. It must be eleven because everyone was heading towards the lunch room. Well, everyone but me._

I did not know how I was going to do this, but I had to see him. I had to know that he was alright. He looked so pale last night, he looked like he was about to die. The outfit that I had on would cause me attention, and I did not remember the way I went last night. Maybe if I look around a lot I will find him, though I highly doubt me looking in every single room wouldn't raise any suspicions.

A few of the nurses were giving me weird looks, not knowing if they should come over to me or not. I don't think that they wanted to be the ones to get me in trouble, incase they made a mistake and they got in trouble with their bosses.

It was a miracle I actually got out of the ward because it usually has a guard out front. Though, woman on guard was usually very attentive, but this morning she was reading a book and I did not even need to somehow convince her to let me through.

I was now halfway up my second corridor from the ward that I woke up this morning in when one of the nurses stopped me. "Are you supposed to be out here?"

She was your typical overweight rude nurse. She was basically the one I would have wished cleans the bed pans. Her hand was on my shoulder and she spun me around with more force than I would have though possible for her. Her eyebrow shot up when I did not give her an immediate answer.

"Well? Are you?" She was chewing gum, and when she spoke it looked like it was close to falling out of her mouth. Ew.

"Er …" I did not want to answer 'yes' because that would mean I would have to tell her what was going on. I also did not want to answer her 'no' because that would mean I would get in trouble right off the back and I would have to go back to the ward without being able to see Casey. I guess the only answer is "Yes."

"Uh-huh." She obviously did not believe me. "Who's the doctor in charge of you?'

Would that be Carlisle? Was he the doctor in charge of me? I had no clue. Carlisle did not work in the ward that I was in. He was a regular doctor. "Sorry, I don't know?" It came out more like a question. "The only doctor that I've seen here is Dr. Cullen."

She snapped her gum at me before she got around to answering. "Why would Dr. Cullen be in charge you, stupid girl? He doesn't even work in the damn loony ward. I swear to god, you guys just get more retarded by the minute."

My anger was growing at this woman. I did not know if I should talk back to her, or just leave it be. When I was little my mother taught me to never talk back to adults, but I do not know if this counts. In the end I stayed silent, it would not help me see Casey if I have an attitude. "I told you that I did not know."

This time when she snapped her gum, some spit came out of the bubble and landed on my face. The wrinkles that were forming on her face lifted, signifying that she was smiling. "Why don't I just take you back there? I swear to god, this isn't even my job."

She pushed me a little too hard, so I tumbled a little. "Go on. Do I look like I have all day?"

I started to walk back to the psych ward at a fast pace just in case she did not want a slow pace. All the while, she was mumbling about how stupid people in the psych ward must be if I can get lost in the hospital and not know who my doctor is. I basically chose to ignore her. Not much could get me down today, the day that I get out of here.

As we turned into the corridor that led to the psych ward, I was surprised to see Dr. Cullen leaning against the wall about three yards away from us. What surprised me more was the expression he wore. Rarely do you see Carlisle angry. "Ms. Catiskin, what in the _world_ do you think you are saying to Bella?"

I looked up to the nurse, who's name I guess is Catiskin, finally stopped chewing her gum and looked at least three shades paler in an instant. "Dr. Cullen, I was j-just bringing this girl b-back to –"

"And you felt the need to say such rude comments to her. I will have you know that you will never do that again. This girl is anything but stupid! You understand me." Carlisle got right in the nurse's face. She cowered and shrunk at least six inches from the fright she must have felt. I know that I was afraid.

"Y-yes. I'm s-sorry." Ms. Catiskin stuttered close to Carlisle's face. "I'll just be going. Come on."

She gave me a little gentler push to walk down the hallway. I could tell she was in a hurry. I was just about to talk to Carlisle so I could delay her and make her more uncomfortable, when Carlisle put his arm in front of me, blocking my way down the hallway. When his eyes turned to me, they automatically turned gentle.

"Bella, why don't you wait and talk to me for a minute." His eyes reminded me of Edward's cold eyes when he turned to the obnoxious nurse. "Why don't you go wait for me in my office, it's unlocked. Please sit there and not talk anything. Though you can look at the wall and you'll see pictures of my family, _including_ this one here."

Carlisle put a sturdy arm around my shoulder and tilted me towards him, into his side. I gasped at what he meant. I was strangely shocked. I knew that he saw me as a daughter, but I never really thought about it like that. I was touched.

Ms. Catiskin's pale, nervous, face nodded and her back was straight and rigid as she walked back down the corridor. Carlisle and I both watched until she turned the corner. I did not need to be Jasper to know that she was afraid of what Carlisle was going to do. I did not understand though, it was not Carlisle who owned the hospital. How was this his position?

I guess I knew that a talk would have come with every little thing I did wrong for now on. Though, I would rather have a talk with Carlisle than have Ms. Catiskin walk me back to the psych ward. I turned to look Carlisle in the face, expecting it to look reprimanding. I was shocked to find him smiling.

"I gave her the job under me. I am giving her some of my salary so she can have work in this tough time. The hospital does not have the money to hire another employee and she was in a tough spot. I have not caught her in the act of acting with the … displeasure, as you saw. I've had patients talk to me before though. Maybe if I talk to her this time she will cooperate and treat people how they should be treated." Carlisle gave me a small wink and then his smile faded a little. "What are you doing out here, Bella."

My forehead creased as I considered if I should lie to him or just tell him the truth. I took a deep breath and my nose stung with the stench of disinfectant. I never got used to that smell, no matter how many times I have been in the hospital. "I wanted to see Casey. I would have asked one of the nurses there, or even you, but I did not want to be told no. I just really want to talk to him and tell him thanks."

He stared at my face for a few moments. I do not know what he would have saw there, but it must have persuaded him in my favor because his face broke out in a smile. "Sure, but I have to walk you there and back. You should have at least known that you shouldn't be walking the hallways alone. I'm surprised you got as far as you did."

Red colored my cheeks as he led me down the hallway, the same direction that the obnoxious nurse went. "Some of the nurses wanted to stop me, but they did not want to get in trouble in case they were wrong."

Carlisle did not say anything after that until he halted outside of a door. Last night flashed by me in a second and I knew that this was the room that Casey was in. "I will be back in time to get you back in for your afternoon session. It is really not that far away. Maybe ten minutes?"

Even though he said the last sentence as a question I knew that I did not have the smallest choice of whether or not I wanted the full ten minutes, or more then the ten minutes. I give him a hug. "Thanks for letting me see him."

I turn around and walk into the room. Casey was sitting up in bed, always a good sign. His face was still a little pale, but nothing as close as to what it was last night. It may not even be any pale than usual. It may just be my imagination. In the hand had the remote in it was also a hospital bracelet. He must have seen me, because he put _Gilmore Girls_ on silent.

I had no idea what to say. So, of course, being me, I said the first thing that came to my mind. "_Gilmore Girls_ – isn't that meant for, you know, girls?"

Immediately a smile played out on his face. This smile reached his eyes because those lightened up too. "Good to see you too, Bella."

I was standing awkwardly in the doorway. I am sure that he wouldn't mind me going to sit by the bed in the same chair that I curled myself in last night. So that's what I did. I curled myself up in the same chair, but this time I was not crying. "Are you okay?"

The smile that was diminishing came back full blast. "Shouldn't I be asking you that? The last time that I saw you, you were in worse condition than me."

I wasn't going to answer his question. I knew that I was not okay, and I knew that I wouldn't be okay for a while. That much was obvious and I am sure he knew that too. Heck, Casey was living proof of not being okay in the circumstances that I am in. "They're letting me out today. Did Carlisle tell you that?"

A cross look came over his face. It probably took him a while to think of who I was talking about. Most of the patients in the psych ward are not from around here, because coincidentally, this is the only hospital with a psych ward for miles. "Yes, _Dr. Cullen_ did tell me that you were leaving today. I think it's a load of bull poopy."

I almost cracked a smile. He said 'poopy' instead of your usual swear. To tell you the truth, he looks like the type that would swear often too. It's just another surprise that I get from this boy. "Why is it so bad that I get to get out?"

He stayed silent for a moment, thinking. He was probably thinking of ways to say it lightly to me. "Bella, I need this place, and I have been fighting this way longer than you have." He became silent once again, wondering if he should continue. I guess he chose to just speak the truth. "I personally don't think that you would be able to survive out there."

What he said to me did not make me feel insulted. I knew that I wouldn't be able to survive in here, without Edward, so it worried me that I might not be able to survive with Edward being … Edward. "Hah! Maybe that is true. But I know that I need the support of the people out there. No matter what, I know that they would help me."

Casey's face changed, though it was a look that I could tell he did not believe me. It became sadder. He even seemed to sink back into his pillows a little more. "Bella, would you let them help you?"

Would I? I did not answer him; instead I turned to the television. "Have you seen the commercial where the guy yells at his wife about the kind of beer he drinks?"

He acted like he did not even notice the change in my conversation. Casey probably knew that I needed to figure thing out for myself. We started to talk about different unimportant things to pass the time. That's the way I wanted it to be. All of our conversations have been so important and vital. Our last one should be different.

Carlisle walked in when we were both practically laughing about some joke that I won't remember a few years later. "Say farewells, Bella, Casey."

My laughing stopped immediately, and so did his. I looked at him. Would this be the last time I will see him? He must have known that I had no idea what to say, because he sat up and just opened his arms. In two seconds I was in them.

Right when I let go, two words slipped out of my mouth. "Thank you."

**A/N. **

**Okay, I hope that was okay. Next chapter up I don't know when. Add me on facebook. Just go onto my profile and there will be a link. Please review. I will really work on getting up the next chapter soon, I promise, but you guys have to review. **


	26. Aphrodite

**A/N here's the next chapter. And I don't own Twilight or the characters.**

_My laughing stopped immediately, and so did his. I looked at him. Would this be the last time I will see him? He must have known that I had no idea what to say, because he sat up and just opened his arms. In two seconds I was in them._

_Right when I let go, two words slipped out of my mouth. "Thank you."_

Instead of leading me down to the individual therapy office, Carlisle led me to my room.

He waited for me to go through the doors ahead of him with a small smile on his face. I entered the room and was surprised by what I saw. A small girl with midnight short hair and black clothes was packing up all of the stuff that was floating around my room. The moment I walked into the room, she gave the hugest smile.

"Bella." Alice engulfed me in a hug before I could even tell that she crossed the room to me. "I am _so_ happy you figured out how reckless you were acting."

I patted her back gently; a small smile was playing at my lips. I took comfort in her recognizable touch. "Okay, Alice, you can get off of me now." Once she let go of me, she picked up the last few remaining clothes that I had lying in my dresser and put them in the familiar bag that Alice packed for me. "What are you _doing_?"

Alice's beautiful face smiled at me. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm breaking you out of here." What made this all the more entertaining was that Alice was wearing all black. The only thing missing was a ski mask.

I looked to see if Carlisle was still standing in the door. I forgot all about him the moment I saw Alice. He must have seen something on my face that made him answer my unspoken question. "We think it would be better if you did not go to individual therapy today. You'll just go to our house to see Edward. Then the three of us and Esme will go to Charlie's and work something out with him. He's probably still at work."

I grinned and hugged him around the middle. He stiffened because he did not expect the touch of comfort. "Thank you so much." He hugged me back. I can definitely see him being a father figure in the future.

Alice grabbed me from the shoulders and pushed me towards my bathroom. Her cold hands a little too rough because of her eagerness. "I left some clothes for you on the sink. Get changed into them."

I walked out of the entrance with Alice to my right carrying my bag. It was raining, so thankfully she remembered to bring a jacket for me to wear. Carlisle wanted to be the one to bring me home so that I did not get overwhelmed, but he had to work. Though, really it was fine. Sometimes it was hard to be in a bad mood when around Alice.

I all but tuned her out. "… and then we're going to have to get you a few new outfits, huh? I am thinking something fashionable, but also something that would cover your arms."

As we were nearing Edward's Volvo, I turned to Alice. "Why isn't Edward here?" It just now caught my attention that Edward should have been the one to come. Why wasn't he here with me?

Alice snuck a small smile. "Well, it is because I wanted to be the one to come get you. I begged him saying that if you were overwhelmed or something it would have been bad. I think he was too worried about you that he gave in. He was obviously too worried that he couldn't tell that I was lying. This was actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

Great. A lecture. Just what I needed at this time. A part of my mind knew that I deserved it. I had been the one to cause Edward and Alice's whole family to worry. Though, it is not like I haven't been put through enough recently. As I took off my hood I could feel some rain that escaped run down my neck. For some reason, it was oddly refreshing. "What do you want to talk about exactly?"

"I wanted to talk about the family worrying about you." The Volvo was making its way out of the parking lot and onto Main Street. Alice's eyes were watching my face with intensity. "Bella, do not worry about how much we worry about you. It is what we choose to do because we love you. Okay, Bella. Everyone in the family can worry forever and still be perfectly fine. We can deal with anything."

"And I can't?" I mumbled, looking away from her face and out the rain splattered window.

My best friend's voice was flat from behind me. "Bella, you can not deal with much more right now, look at your arm."

I did not look towards her, but stared fiercely at the window. She had no idea what she was talking about. Just because I cut – I used to cut – doesn't mean that I don't know how to deal with things. I can deal with things just fine. I could, couldn't I? I mean, when I found out how much I was hurting Edward and his family and killing myself, I cried. I dealt with it by crying, not cutting.

Alice sighed; it was obvious to her that I was not going to reply. "Just remember that. Just focus on making sure that you get better, do not worry about the strain you're putting on us. Because chances are, we've been through a thousand times worse."

I suddenly remembered that they have had to gone through one of them murdering someone, Rosalie's rape, Edward's leaving, and normal vampire things. My cutting was nothing compared to those of the family. Though, everyone was making such a big deal out of it and I was not sure long. I'm not going to lie and say that I liked the attention. I defiantly did not, but I couldn't help it.

The rest of the car ride to the Cullens was in silence. Both of us did not talk. Me, well, I guess it is because I did not want to get lectured anymore. I knew what I did wrong, and I am trying to fix it. What else can they expect of me? Her, well I guess she just knew that I wanted to be left alone. Maybe she just didn't want to overwhelm me.

I did not even register that we were in the outhouse-turned-garage until Alice already had the car turned off and spoke to me. I guess I was just in my own little world. "Jasper and Emmett went to Seattle to take care of documents. Rosalie is here somewhere, but you know that she will stay out of your way. Esme is in the kitchen making you lunch. I saw that you didn't have anything; you went to sneak to visit that boy, so I thought you would want something to eat."

She was right, I was hungry. I tugged on the door handle to the Volvo and opened it. I almost rammed it into the wall, but Alice was there at the last second holding the door an inch from the wall with an annoyed look on her face. It wasn't even her car. If anyone should be sending me that look, it should be Edward.

I stalked towards the house with Alice by my side. For once, she was not talking, though I knew she was not at all mad at me. I walked into the kitchen where I could smell oatmeal chocolate cookies. I knew the kind by smell because Esme always made them for me.

I was right; she was taking the pan out of the oven as I walked in. I suddenly became really shy. What did she think of me? Did I scare her off? Did she think any less of me? When she looked up to see that I entered the room - even though she could probably smell me once I entered the house – I knew that my worries were ridiculous. A smile that would put Snow White to shame came across her face.

Yes, she was worried, but she did not think any less of me and she still loved me as a daughter. She put the pan down on the stove (she was carrying it with her hands and nothing else) and walked over to me at a little more than human pace and gave me a hug. A hug that reminded me of my mother. "Bella, I am so joyous that you are getting the help now."

I hugged her back as fiercely as I could. She probably couldn't tell that though because I was weak compared to her. I whispered a quick "Thanks."

When she let go of me, I saw that Alice had left the room, leaving me alone with Esme. She saw my eyes lingering on the cookies, because the smile on her face turned even sweeter. "The cookies are actually for desert but you can grab one now. I just have to cook up your food real quick, dear."

For some reason, my whole life I cringed at people calling me 'dear'. Though, when Esme said it to me, it seemed to fit her and I did not mind at all. As I made my way to the stove two strong arms wrapped around my waist.

A huge smile came across my face, though it did not stay there long. The two arms spun me around and lips crashed into mine so fast that I did not even get a look at Edward's beautiful face. I didn't care that Esme was in the kitchen. I didn't care that she was trying to block out our private moment. All I cared about was the Edward's smooth lips were moving against mine in perfect harmony. I couldn't help myself; I over-enthusiastically threw my arms around his neck and leaned into him too much while parting my lips. Immediately afterwards his lips departed from mine.

I sighed and he chuckled and wrapped me in a hug. He missed me. "I love you, Bella."

Esme cleared her throat from behind me. "Err … sorry, but Bella your food is ready. Quesadilla. I thought you may want something light for your stomach, but still full of flavor."

I looked to one of the stools next to the island and saw that two halves of quesadilla stacked on top of each other, a cut apple that she took the peel off of, sour cream and onion chips, and of course peanut butter to dip the apples in. A little breathless, I murmured. "Thank you so much, Esme."

She gave me a parting hug and left the room. Edward grabbed my hand and led me to the stool and pulled it out for me from where it sat under the island. "Sit, you have got to be hungry."

I smiled at him and grabbed a quesadilla slice. "I'm happy I am out of the place. I really did not like it."

A hard edge came to his eyes. "It was where you needed to be, Bella. You don't think so even now?"

I thought of it. If I did not go there I would have never met Casey. That would probably mean that I would never have seen that Edward was right and that I was wrong. I mean, there was a chance that I could have learned that on my own, but I highly doubt it.

I broke up one of the apple slices and dipped it in the peanut butter, keeping my eyes on it as I twirled it around, feeling the resistance from my dip of choice. "Actually, Edward thanks for putting me in there. I know that it hurt you to do it."

His mouth opened to speak, but I put one finger to his lips. "I know what you're going to say. Please don't say it. I know, trust me. I know that you are immensely sorry for the pain I went through. But I had to go through that so I can start getting better. Things get worse before they can get better."

**A/n Ill leave it there. Okay, so sorry about the wait. I have been writing this for like two weeks with every little bit of time I have had. The only reason I get to post it now is because I fainted during Calculus class and went home sick. It was embarrassing. So …here you go.**


	27. Chapter 27

_His mouth opened to speak, but I put one finger to his lips. "I know what you're going to say. Please don't say it. I know, trust me. I know that you are immensely sorry for the pain I went through. But I had to go through that so I can start getting better. Things get worse before they can get better."_

Edward and I were in the living room on the couch. The television was on, but I could not tell you what was playing. I was so glad to be with Edward again. Even though the time we spent apart – not including the visit to the hospital – was sometimes the same length of time of his hunting trips, it hurt more. During that time, I needed him with me. Also, know that he was only a few miles away and that I couldn't see him, made it hurt even more.

I was curled up on his lap with my head tucked comfortably under his chin. It doesn't get any better than this. Every once in a while my lips would find my way to his and they would not disconnect for several minutes. Even though Edward has always been so careful around me, my guess is that he was just as happy to see me as I was to see him.

Jasper and Emmett came back about an hour after I was done eating. I guess that Emmett wanted to go to Rome with Rosalie on a seventy-first honeymoon, and they wanted to play it safe by making new documents. That also means new licenses, birth certificates, credit cards and a whole lot more. I did not even want to know how much that would cost.

Both of them gave me a quick hug and said that they were happy that I was getting better. Jasper only stiffens a little when he hugged me, and the rigidness went away fast. He seemed to have come a far way since last September. I'm sure it is because of the memory of hurting someone she loves. I know that if it was me, then I would have tried my hardest to restrain myself further. Also, my scent right now was probably not half as bad as it was exposed.

There was something off about them too. I could see it in the way that they looked at me and the way that they spoke to me too. There was just something on the edge that I couldn't quite get. It wasn't pity – no, It definitely was not pity. They just didn't seem exactly like themselves. The second they left, though, I just brushed it off because I was alone with Edward once again.

The whole afternoon, Edward's family left us alone. Unfortunately, I had to promise to go shopping with Alice. She was right, I needed new clothes. I have not gone shopping for clothes since, well, the last time she took me shopping before my last birthday. I had been to far gone to actually care about new clothes or the wear of the ones I have now. However, I have to think of a way to let Alice let me pay for my own purchases.

As the afternoon wore on, Edward and I barely spoke, we just enjoyed each other's presence. He did not look like he was watching whatever was on the television either. By the time Carlisle came home, Edward and I were stretched out on the same white couch. I was snuggling into his chest with my eyes closed. I was almost asleep.

I did not mean to fall asleep, but Edward always let me if I wanted to. He liked to listen to me sleep talk, so I guess he kind of liked me sleeping. Both of them probably wanted to let me get a little bit more rest, because Carlisle went upstairs to get changed into some non-work clothes. I could hear him come in and talk to Edward, but I was too far gone to respond to what they were saying.

I heard the front door close, and, though expected, I did not hear any footsteps. Though I did hear Carlisle put his shoes on the shoe rack by the little metal ding it gave off. Less than a second later, Carlisle's voice rang out gently. Why he didn't speak in his head, I was not sure. "How is she doing?"

"She's doing perfect. I do not think she's asleep right now, but she is out of it." Edward's velvet voice rang out from a few inches above my head. "I do not think she knows that she is overwhelmed, but she is."

What! I am _not_ overwhelmed. I am so extraordinary happy right now. I am happy to be with Edward, in his arms. I am happy to know that he is not mad at me, at all. I am happy that I get to spend forever with him.

Carlisle's voice was softer, sadder, as he spoke. "It could take her months, or even years for her to feel better. All we have to do is be there for her, the rest is up to Bella."

They didn't speak after that, and my guess is that Carlisle left the room. A few seconds after the silence started, I felt a hand run through my hair and cold lips on my forehead. "You'll be fine, Bella."

Time passed, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Maybe it was a few minutes or maybe it was a few hours. I think I did fall asleep though, because the next thing I remember is Edward moving out from underneath me and his hand massaging my back. "Bella, love, it's time to wake up. We are going to go speak to your father now."

I rolled over on the soft white couch, so my back was him. One reason was the off chance that he would allow me to sleep for a little longer, the other, so he can continue to rub my back for a little longer. He did not allow me to do the first, but he continued with the back massage. "Bella, you have to get up, I know that you are tired, but you will be able to sleep once we are done talking."

I did not budge. I didn't want to talk to Charlie about any of this, and I didn't want the embarrassment this would definitely entail. Knowing that I was not going to move anytime soon, Edward picked me up off of the couch and swung me around a bit. He knew that the motion of him swinging me around and him being so close to me would wake me up.

About fifteen minutes later we were pulled up in front of Charlie's house alongside Charlie's police car. Esme and Carlisle both sat in the front, while Edward and I were in the backseat. Esme and Carlisle was holding hands above the cup holders and I was stretched out with my head in Edward's lap and his hand running through my hair. I know with Carlisle driving, I did not have to worry about a seat belt.

Esme turned to us in the backseat the second the engine cut off with a look of sympathy in her eye. "Are you ready, Bella?"

Of course I wasn't. "Yes."

Carlisle got up and opened the door that was on my side, which meant that I had to get out first. Though, Edward was already opening Esme's door for her. Wow, they were always gentlemen, aren't they? Carlisle put a hand on my upper back as he led me to the door, where Esme and Edward were already standing. They, of course, did not want to go in until I was already inside. You'd think they were "real" vampires with not being allowed to go in a house without being invited in.

I twisted the doorknob and walked in. I was in the lead, Edward behind me, Esme behind him, and Carlisle took the caboose. The television turned to mute once Charlie heard the door shut. He was already standing up when I entered the room.

Charlie surprised me when I felt two of his arms wrap around me. This was the first hug he has ever initiated ever since I was a young child. In a weird way it felt good to be in Dad's arms. I felt like a child again and I felt like I could let him take care of me. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

When he let go of me I said, "Don't be. It's not your fault Dad."

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Charlie, perhaps the three adults can talk before Bella and Edward join us. Will it be alright if they stepped into the kitchen for a short while?"

What was going on? I thought the five of us were going to talk. Before I could protest, Edward was pulling me by my hand into the kitchen. He pulled my chair out for me before he sat in his own. Before I could even open my mouth, Edward explained. "Carlisle thinks that he can get Charlie to see more reason if I were not in the room and if you were not to interrupt and say that wrong things."

He gave me a look that held his apology. I knew that he did not think I could keep my tongue to myself. Though, I think I could keep my mouth shut just fine. People definitely underestimate me. I have no clue what was going on in the other room. I know that Esme and Carlisle were trying to do what was best for me; though I do not know what they think is best for me.

A/N. I know I have neglected this story. So i'm sorry. Ill try to do better. This is all I can give youfor now. But I promise I will try to do better.


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